A new outlook

I went for my oncology doctor visit the other and as always, I was ready for a fight.  But I was in for a shock this day.  In walked Katherine. My new NP in the survivorship program.  Evidently I have graduated up to this phase of my cancer care.  She is wonderful.  The total opposite of my doctor.  She listened and asked me questions.  She didn't make me feel stupid or like an idiot for my beliefs.  For example, we discussed my concerns with the Prolia osteoporsis injection and why I didn't want to go that route.  We discussed mammograms and why I want to go to every other year instead of getting one every year.  That was just a few of our discussions. She explained  her reasoning for treatments and procedures that she recommended and listened to my concerns.  It was amazing.  No arguing my concerns and trying to convince my doctor my thinking.  She was great.  And you know what?  This visit didn't last any longer than any of my other visits but I felt like I had the full attention of my practitioner and didn't feel rushed through this visit.  This is how all doctors or practitioners should be.  If yours isn't, then I recommend you looking for another one.
We will experience hard times and grief throughout our lives, but we will get through it.  When you fall, GET BACK UP! and when you find it hard to get up, GET ON YOUR KNEES AND PRAY.

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

Love to all,

I took the plunge

welcome to La Campa

Have you ever taken a plunge.  Like jumping off the high dive, riding a roller coaster,  bungee jumping.  The fear of doing it.  The courage to do it.
Yes, I took the plunge.  I took the step to trust Jesus to guide me and provide for me.  I knew when I got cancer that he would heal me.  I knew he would get me through the tough times when I felt so down I couldn't hold my head up. I decided to go to Honduras before I knew I had the money to go. I know he will provide.  God knows how things will turn out before you do, but you need to trust him.

God will show up.
Isaiah 6:8 God asks, Who shall I send and who will go for us and I said here I am, Send me!

I took the plunge when we did medical clinics last March without any experience.  God showed up and showed all of us that it is in his hands. He is all in.
We are doing it again and as far as I know, I am the only nurse again right now.  I know this trip will be successful.  We are going to heal others and show them the love of God.  I can do that.  God will carry me and put the words on my lips and healing in my hands.  And I know God will send some nurses to help.  He will send the money to help me get there.

So when He said whom shall I send, I will say always, send me! God is all in.
Will you support me?  Support financially and prayerfully.
Send tax deduction donations to: Ballardsville Baptist Church, 4300 S. Hwy 53, Crestwood KY 40014
Make checks payable to the church, in the memo add Honduras- Autumn Chapman

Love to all,

looking back

Today, since I am trying to get over being sick, thought it would be good to look through some of my old blog posts.  My blog is like my diary, it has so many of my life experiences and emotions.  It doesn't seem that long ago when I started this blog, and I hope I am helping others through this blog also.  That was my intent.  But as I look back, I think it has helped me more. It has helped me cope with stresses in my life and grow from them.  I can see where I was and where I am now.  I had my birthday last week.  Birthday's are always reminding me of growing older, which we all seem to try not to do.  But with getting older, hopefully I am getting wiser.  I have a new responsibility, teaching the younger generation.  I remember some of my mentors in my life and how they have taught me and now the baton has been passed.
This doesn't mean that I will not make mistakes along the way, as we are all learning something each day.  I just want to make a difference in one person's life, that would be enough.
So just some advice that I have learned:
-always listen to your gut feeling- it is usually right
-never stop learning
-close your mouth and listen to people
-wake up smiling, it will make your day better

Verse today is from Ephesians 3:20,
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,"
Love to all,

keeping on

It has been rough lately.  Not sure why.  I just feel down.  Maybe the change in seasons. Summer is my favorite and fall and winter is my least favorite.  Lots of stress this time of year.  But I am trying to find new things to get into.  I have my girl scout troop and that is growing and the girls are fantastic! I have been trying to get more healthier but I feel like I keep failing in this area.  I gained so much weight 4 years ago with my treatments. And since then, I have been trying to loose it.  I was doing well with my workouts, but lately it has gotten so hard to do them.  I am struggling with joint pain and I can only wonder if it has anything to do with menopause and the lack of hormones.  I pray that my bones hold up and that my osteoarthritis doesn't get worse.
So, I am starting a 15 day challenge to eat healthier and workout.  It is going to take all my will power and work on my part to prepare my meals ahead of time.  So this is what I will be doing today.  Cooking.
I am working on my positive attitude and getting rid of my negativity.  I feel this negative thinking is what has gotten me down.
Everyone, get ready to see a new me.  You will be asking, what's up with her?? when you see me.  I am putting all of this in my past and moving forward.

Philippians 4:6: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.

Love to all,

Sleep?

Well I have learned something new this week.  But first let me back up a little and tell you the pre-story.  So I am being told by my husband and friend that I snore.  LOUDLY.  Not sure I believe them but I trust them and have to take them at their word.
I have been pushed to go see someone at the sleep clinic about it.  So it appears just by my evaluation with the doctor, that I have sleep apnea, just not sure where I am at on the spectrum of it.
So he said I have to spend the night at the clinic for them to watch me sleep!  I wonder how that is going to work.  And if I snore really loud, wonder what they are all going to say and how much laughing they will do.  I am sure to put on a good show for them!
If it is mild, then all I will need is a mouth guard.  If it is bad, then I get to buy a cpap machine.  HMMM.  not sure how I feel about that.
So back to what I have learned.  Sleep apnea.
You do not have to be overweight or obese
There have been studies of women with breast cancer and they have a higher incidence of this
Women that are post menopausal have a higher incidence. Something about the hormone levels or lack of hormones effect sleep apnea.
I am postmenopausal, and had breast cancer.  This explains alot of why I have not been able to sleep very well since my diagnosis and treatment 4 years ago.
So on October 6th I will be sleeping in the hotel Brownsboro for my evaluation.  We will see what happens after that.  At least there is not any needles involved!!

I always add a bible verse, but not sure which one with this bit of story out of my life so I choose this one. Romans 8:26; In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

Love to all,
A

Is Jesus worth it?

I was asked this question tonight.  I went out with my mom to the movies tonight to see the one night showing of The Insanity of God.  It was a great movie about being called to the mission field and persecution that christians face just because of loving and believing in Jesus.  The stories this man told from his interviews of regular people who are persecuted for believing in Jesus and their faith and trust they have in Jesus is unbelievable.  I want to believe that my faith is as strong as theirs, but my fear is that when faced with what these people have and still are faced with, I won't be as strong. How can I be stronger?  How can I not let the evil one into my heart and tell me lies then only to believe them?
I am a work in progress.  Only God knows my heart and he knows me.
So the question is, Is Jesus worth it?  ABSOLUTELY! He is worth everything.  Without him, nothing is possible.  Jesus commands us to "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit". Matthew 28:19.  This means to go out into our communities, out of our comfort zones and tell the world about Jesus.
So this is why my heart is passionate about going out, going to Honduras.  Jesus is building the flame in my heart for missions and to tell his story, to spread his name to all nations.

Love to all,

all the same

So I was watching this you tube video today from Chris Wark.  He has people who have survived cancer on his you tube "show".  This lady today that I watched was talking about how she was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer and how her doctor was trying to put her through a whirlwind for treatment.  Unlike me, she chose to get a second opinion and found out that she actually had stage 4 breast cancer.  They told her there was nothing they could do for her.  So she went the holistic approach.  She chose Vit C infusions and supplements and juicing.
There is a few things that got me.  When she talked with her doctor about other treatments, she was told there wasn't any.  That she didn't need to change her diet or take supplements.  She changed to a vegetarian diet and juicing.
My doctor pretty much told me what she was told.  Is doctors that closed minded?  It really shocks me that doctors say they want what is best for their patients but when they are asked for alternative treatments, patients are made to feel stupid when asked about this side of medicine.  I feel that if more patients knew about alternative medicine and investigated it, they would see another side of treatment and see how conventional medicine is hurting people.
Yes, I am a nurse.  But I also have had breast cancer and it hasn't been that long ago when I was treated.  And I do see how conventional medicine helps people.  But there is also a side of medicine that is not even being used and just now starting to get noticed. I think it is worth people to look into before getting treatments.  It took all these years for cancer to show up.  It is not going to go away fast.
This lady on the video, her tumors are gone.  She had stage 4 breast cancer with mets to lung.  Her tumors now are not showing on PET scans and mammograms.  Do I think alternative medicine did all of this? NO, I think God had his hand in this with the treatment, it shows a modern day miracle.
If you want to watch the video go to chrisbeatcancer on you tube, video link:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSJT65SafMo
For all of my friends and anyone reading this, do not let the doctors rush you into treatment. If you need time, take the time to think about your options and look into them. You may decide for chemo and radiation like I did or you may opt for holistic treatment, or maybe even both.  Whatever the decision, it is yours to make.
Just have the faith that God will be with you throughout it all.
Hebrews 11:1, Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Love to all,

Craziness

Crazy. Impulsive. Let loose.  That is how I sometimes want to be.  To be free.
Today, I did something crazy.  Well at least to me.  I jumped in the pool. With my clothes on!  I was planning on getting in the pool today before the rain, and I just said, what the heck.  It was more relaxing, to just be there by myself, not following the "rules".
So now it's raining.  I'm watching TV and a St. Jude's commercial comes on about cancer research.  You know what I find crazy?  All these years, back to the 1950's, when cancer research "search for the cure" started, and there is not a cure yet.  They say they are close and they have slowed the cancer's down, but it just makes you wonder.  I wonder if there really is a cure and they are not letting anyone know because it will cause them to loose money.
Well, that just makes the fire come out my ears and my neck get all blotchy red!!  If there is a cure, and that is a if, why would anyone keep this from people.  How could anyone cause harm to people and children when there is a cure to stop their illness, their pain and death.
And I know this is all IF's, but you got to be thinking.  ALL these years of research.  There has to be something.  With our technology, there has to be something.
I think there is a cure.
ok, I'm off my soap box.
God says to do all things without grumbling or complaining.  I am trying, but things like this just drive me crazy. But sometimes letting loose is what we need to get all of this out of our mind.  Do something crazy today.  Show your love today to someone who is suffering.

"Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation." Philippians 2:14-15
Love to all,

Never forget

Never forget your past.  We always learn from our past whether it be experiences or mistakes we have made.  So when my "memories" popped up on face book today from 2012, it took me aback.  July 31st, 2012 was my first chemo treatment.  I remember trying to be positive when I was so scared.  It was the start of a journey that I hope to never forget.  I don't want to forget, because so many women will go through what I did and I will be able to help them.  So on this day, I was smiling but deep in my heart I just wanted to cry.  It was scary, but LOOK AT ME NOW!!  I have come through to the other side.  I look at this part of my life as an experience.  It doesn't define me. AND it has made me stronger.  I know that I can do anything, because I have survived.  So I am ready for what life has to throw at me, because I know I am strong.  Whatever life throws at you, stay strong, look to Jesus and He will guide you through this difficult time.

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.  Instead he is patient with you not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.  2 Peter 3:9

Love to all,

growing my hair

This is the longest my hair has been since, well you know when...before 2012.  I am excited.  My crazy curls are still there so I am hoping they will be a little tame too. My hair is growing a lot faster than I expected.  I hope this means I get through the "in between" phase faster!!
I am learning a lot about patience lately.  I have been having A LOT of lessons in this and I am beginning to think this is a problem area for me.  I hope I learn something fast so my frustration would be more controllable.  I am letting the small things become BIG things.  I know better, I know.
It is a lot easier to give advice to others and listen to them than to take my own advice and listen to me and what God is telling me.  Thank goodness for Grace!

2 Timothy 2:1
"You the, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus."

Love to all,

I am trying

I am trying. You may think I'm not, but I am.  You're saying, "what are you talking about!"  I am trying to be a good patient. But it is hard when me and my doctor seem to not agree on anything.  Here is the story.  I have been taking turmeric to treat my joint pain.  Turmeric has anti-inflammatory properties and it really works for me on keeping my knee and hip pain at bay.  But I recently found that turmeric can "act like estrogen" in your body. That concerned me because my breast cancer was estrogen receptor +.  So I stopped taking it and it has only been about 5 days, but I can tell my knees and hips are starting to ache more and my knees are starting to protest taking the stairs at work.
So like a good patient that was told not to google anymore, I didn't and I asked my doctor about it.  Of course he didn't know anything about and couldn't answer any of my questions.  He would only say that supplements are not regulated by the FDA and I should take advil or naproxin.  But then he would tell me to take supplements of calcium and vit d. (which I already am doing),  Go figure!
So I am going to restart my turmeric since he said it wouldn't interfere with my treatment.  My body is saying YAY!!!
My bone density scan came back and it shows I have the pre-osteoporosis.  My doctor is recommending me take Prolia.  It is a medication to increase my bone density which you take a shot twice a year.  He gave me all the results of studies and trials.  Long story short, this drug compared to the other drugs for osteoporosis have better outcomes and it actually has shown a longer recurrence of breast cancer in those in the trial.  So he sent me home to think about it.  I don't think he realizes that sending me home to think about it means to me to "google" about it and research it more!  And don't think I won't!
I will keep you posted!
When, then, shall we say in response to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31
Love to all,

Who's your daddy?

Father's day is approaching and I have the most amazing dad! He has taught me so much my whole life on how to be a loving person and is a wonderful example of showing Jesus in his life everyday. With Father's day approaching, I found it fitting to tell you about my "other daddy" compliments of Priscilla Shirer.
Who's your daddy
He is the First and the Last, the beginning and the end.
The keeper of creation, the creator of all.
He's the architect of the universe and the manager of all time.
He always was, always is, always will be unmoved, unchanged, undefeated and never undone.
He was bruised but brought healing.  He was pierced but eased pain.  He was persecuted but brought freedom.  He was dead and brings life.
He was risen to bring power and he raised to bring peace.
The world can't understand him, army's can't defeat him, schools can't explain him and leaders can't ignore him.
Harod couldn't kill him, Nero couldn't crush him, the new age cannot replace him and Oprah cannot explain him away.
Remind yourself, He is life, He is love, He is longevity.
He is the Lord, He is goodness, kindness and faithfulness.
He is God, he is holy and righteous and powerful and pure.
His ways are right, His word eternal, His will unchanged and His mind is on us.
He is our Saviour, our guide, our peace, our glory, our Lord and He rules our lives.
I serve Him because his bond is love, his yoke is easy, his burden is light and his goal for us is to have abundant life.
I follow Him because He's the wisdom of the wise, the power of the powerful, the ancient of days, the ruler of rulers, the leader of all leaders.
His goal is a relationship with me.
He will never leave you, never forsake you, never mislead you, never forget you, never overlook you and never cancel your appointment in his appointment book.
When you fall, he'll lift you up, when our fail he will forgive you, when you are weak, he is strong, when your weak, he's strong, when you are lost, he's your way.
When you are afraid,  he's your courage, when you stumble, he will steady you.
When you're hurt, he will heal you, when you're broken, he will mend you.
When you're blind, he will lead you, when you're hungry, he will feed you.
When you face trials, he is with you.
When I face persecution, he shields me, when I face problems, he will comfort me.
When I face loss, he will provide for me, and when we face death, he will carry us all home to meet him.
HE IS EVERYTHING, FOR EVERYBODY, EVERYWHERE, EVERYTIME AND IN EVERYWAY.
He is YOUR GOD and that my sisters and brothers is who YOU BELONG TOO.

Love to all,

Not sleeping??

I have heard that when you wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep, it is because God is wanting to talk with you.  Hmmm.  Why not have a conversation with God during this time.  It is quiet and no one is around to interrupt.  I seem to be having a lot of these nights lately.  The bewitching hour for me is 2 am.  I think it is funny that what wakes me up is hot flashes and sweating! (despite having the ceiling fan on high and another fan blowing directly on me.) When I am unable to fall back to sleep, I just get up and have a conversation.  I go to prayer about all my worries and stress and give it all up to Him.

So what do I have to stress about?  A lot just like most of you have, I'm sure.  But I have a lot to celebrate.  It has been 4 Years since my cancer diagnosis and I have been cancer free for 3 years!  So much to celebrate.  Whenever I feel stressed or alone, I just remember my moment of desperation and gave it all to God.  Faith will bring me through all the tough times.

"fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

Love to all,

everyday blah

Have you ever got in an everyday rut? A pit? Feeling Blah?
Sometimes I get this way.  Well, I have to say, a lot of times here lately.
I feel like I am just going through the motions of life day in and day out.  I go to work, come home, eat, sleep.  Clean house, yard work, and on and on and on.
I have realized that I have gotten back into the same routines that I have told myself when I got home from Honduras that I was going to change.  I came home in March with my  heart on fire.  I fear my fire has diminished and I struggle to find it again.  I want to do what God has planned for me, but I have gotten back into my negative thinking,
I know God is giving me all these sparks to light my fire and I feel it, then after a few days I go back into my rut. Yesterday at church, that fire was sparked again and I am going to keep the fire going.
I need to feed my spirit,which is to surround me with people that is supportive, delve more into my Bible studies and just trust more.
For example, God has helped me with my will power in spending money.  I was putting all my happiness into things and not him.  This has been an ongoing battle with me and along with my lack of control of my words.  I am still working on this.
So as I am still a work in progress, even at 48 years of age, I know there are others out there that feel like me.  It is never too late to change your direction in life.  You can be 20 or 80 and God will always use you.
"For everyone has sinned, we all fall short of God's glorious standard. Yet God, in his grace, feely makes us right in his sight.  He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty of our sins." Romans 2:23-24 NLT.

Love to all,

my family complete

I will be packing up Erin and Ty and getting them home today for the summer from college!  I am excited to bring them home.  It feels like there is a hole in our home when they are gone.  I understand what my parents felt when I moved out.  It is a hard transition.  My heart is full of love right now, but lets see how many times Erin and I argue today!!
I am truly blessed with my family.  Make the most of your time with your family, and treat each day special.  You only get this one life, don't waste it away.
That is what I try to do.  I want to live my life to the fullest.  But as I feel I need to fill my life with so much, sometimes you need to take a break.  In my study I am in, Pricilla Shirer is teaching me to "keep the sabbath".  This means to take a day to refresh myself.  No work, no activities.  Just time for me and my family and reconnect.
Throw out all the guilt of not working, or cleaning house, and take this time for yourself.  It will only make you stronger.  God rested after he completed his work.  If we do not rest, then we become slaves to our busyness in life.  Gal 5:1 says, "For freedom Christ has set set us free; stand firm therefore and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery."

So set up your boundaries and parameters around yourself.  Free from slavery from work, social media, running the kids around all over town, keeping up with the Jones'.  Or whatever has enslaved you in this life.

Love to all,

in a pit

Do you ever feel like you are in a pit and it it just keeps getting deeper?  I think we all have felt this way and some are in the pit now.  I know my pits are not that deep but sometimes I feel like they are deep.  The evil one is putting thoughts in my mind to have me concentrate on these things that are bringing me down to get me even lower.  He causes me to concentrate on the things that are bothering me and they start to consume my thoughts.  This starts to affect my daily life and my witness for God.  This is what satan wants.
So today in my studies, I turned to the wrong scripture but I wonder if that wasn't the hand of God directing me.  I read Psalms 61:1-4, "Hear my cry O God, listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings."

So as I feel the darkness of my pit, I hear God telling me that he hears me and my prayers and that he is my shelter.  What an amazing comfort for me.   You take comfort in this too.

Love to all,

Not so insignificant

I have been pondering on my trip to Honduras since I have been home.  And I am anticipating my return next year! I have been thinking about conversations that we had and the friendships with a new family I have made.  I keep going back to my day that I was assigned the morning devotional.  I feel I need to share it with you.  It is from Ezekiel 37: 1-15 when God asked Ezekiel to prophesy to dead, dry bones in the valley.
My question today- Are you listening?  Sometimes we want a word from God and we just aren't listening.  We are too busy or being to loud to hear God talking and telling us what he wants us to do.  It can be in a song, a sermon, or just through another persons actions or words.  Sometimes God speaks and we just don't listen to what he is saying.  We ask God "please let me hear a word from you" and we just don't slow down enough to listen.  Then there is the times we do hear God and it isn't what we want to hear or want to do. What do you do when this happens?  Do you obey? or do you ignore his command.  Ezekiel was God's messenger.  God spoke to him to prophesy to dry bones and he obeyed no matter how silly he thought it was or how hard it could be.  And Ezekiel not only did it once, but twice.  He didn't say no to God or give excuses.  HE just obeyed.  Do you call out to dry bones to come alive? As we go out to others and speak to Gods greatness and love, you are calling out to those with dead hearts filling them with Gods love.
You may feel insignificant and feel your words or actions don't have meaning.  But you may never know who is listening and what an impact it can have on them.  I didn't feel like my work in Honduras had any significance but it does.  I had an impact on the people there and on our team.  And they made impressions on me.  Their love and support of our work and being a family.
So I ask, are you calling out to dry bones?  Make a difference today and everyday in someone's life no matter how small.
"As we call out to dry bones come alive, come alive.  And we call out to dead hearts come alive, come alive. Come up out of the ashes let us see an army rise, we call out to dry bones come alive." Lauren Daigle- come alive

Love to all,

healthy and alive

I have survived working the mini and the marathon medical tent today.  I saw so many different people of ages, body types, men and women running.  My tent was at the 25 mile mark and I only saw some minor injuries.  The determination to finish by the runners was amazing.  I had one runner ask me if there was a medical tent at the finish line.  She didn't want to stop, but finish the race.
We are all in a race.  Whether it is for competition, our health or our lives.  2 Timothy 4:7 says, I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
We all must keep the faith.  Faith in our God that he will carry us through the difficult times. Faith that we will survive our difficult times.  This week I have been reminded of my struggles through cancer and surviving through my patients I have cared for.  Their determination to live is a reminder of why I am nurse.  I help them survive.  I help them get through their struggles.
I feel blessed that I have experienced this and I am able to use this experience to help others.  One day my race will  be over and I want to be able to say that I have fought the good fight, I have finished my race and I have kept my faith.

Love to all,

Branching out

I was asked by a friend about setting up my blog so she could follow me. Hmmm. This is a new concept for me, having someone who wants to follow me and know my thoughts. This scares me a little because as loud as I can be, being in the public eye scares me. Blogging I am hidden behind my computer and not looking at people but I am putting my feelings and thoughts out for everyone to read.
On my ride to work today, I listened to an awesome speaker. She talked about as women we need to come together and be leaders. Women are the strength of men. We have he power to build them up or tear them down with either our actions or words.
So women of God, I challenge you. Use your words to build each other and support one another.

Proverbs 16:24
Gracious words are honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the soul.
Love to all,

I am not ashamed

My verse today is Romans 1:16 tells us, "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes"  I have to stop and think about this one.  I know I am not the only one who needs this today.

I believe and I know where my salvation lies: Jesus Christ.

But I am human and the world just comes at me with a fierce tongue.  So many things going on in the world today that makes is so hard for me to stand in my beliefs.  I am tested daily for my beliefs and sometimes I fail.  But I know God and I have experienced his grace and forgiveness.

When I pray, it's for me and everyone like me, to have the courage to face this world and to stand up to those who test and question our faith and beliefs. God will tell us what to say or to just stay silent.  He will guide us in this trial.  He will not leave our side.

I know where my salvation is.  I know that this earth is just a temporary home and greater things await for me.

So, I am not ashamed.  For those who do not believe, I WILL NOT BACK DOWN.  The Big Guy has my back!

Love to all,

tests and more tests

Well, since my surgery I have seen Dr. Hargis and he has changed my medication.  I am off Tamoxifen and have been taking the Lectrozol.  It is really doing it's job. I am not having hot flashes with sweats!! It is really fun (hear the sarcasm??)
Well due to this medication decreasing bone density, I had to have a bone density scan.  I thought it was going to be some big, crazy test.  It wasn't.  It only took like 5 minutes total.  It took me longer to register than the test did.  So now I wait to see if my bones are good or if I need to take yet more pills to help build them up.  I have started taking calcium and hopefully that will be all I need.

So I pray I am done with all the testing for now.  I am healthy and fell great.  Life is really good.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: REJOICE! Philippians 4:4

Love to all,

Be a light

I always strive to be a light in the darkness.  Sometimes I fail, but that is only because I am human and even though I walk with Jesus, I sometimes stumble.
But there is always some occasions that remind me that I am on the right road and my light is shining. For example, I got a message from a lady I have never met through another friend.  Me and my friend have both gone through breast cancer and I have hoped that my experience has helped her through her experience.  This friend of hers messaged me telling me that she too was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She wanted to "friend" me on face book to follow me.  She said that I was an inspiration in sharing my experience.  I don't feel like I am but I have spoken to a church women's group on my walk through this difficult time and even gave my testimony in Honduras on faith and my walk through cancer in hopes it would help others. And these women have told me the same, that my story is an inspiration to them.
I started this blog when I was first diagnosed in the hopes to get out the information about me but it has turned into helping others through this journey as well as me.  Whether you read this or not, or share it or not, It will be out there for others to see.
I pray that my new friend has found her own inspiration and not have this cancer bring her down.  If she is anything like our friend we share, then I know she is strong.

I started my new medication today.  I saw Dr. Hargis, my oncologist on Friday and I think someone may have told him to lighten up.  He came in smiling and trying to be funny.  He is a different doctor from the last 3 years.  He told me to not google my medication. Well I had to tell him I already did!  He just smiled like he already knew that.  I think he is starting to get to know me!!  So since my surgery which has forced me into menopause, I have started experiencing it all.  And it is just the start.  So if you see me red and blotchy, that doesn't mean I am stressed or mad anymore.  It is from the "change of life" I am going through.  If I break out into a sweat all of a sudden, just had me a tissue and ignore it.  I think we all can get through this!!  Because it is a good thing to me.  I do not have the worries of any ovarian or uterine cancer with this new medication.  My mind is free to obsess over new things.  Which right now is losing weight!
I thank God each day for the life he has given me.  It has had it's ups and downs and I am sure growing up I have caused a lot of it to my parents.  But it has only made me stronger and the woman I am today.  It has helped me become a good parent and raise really, great kids. A better wife, a better daughter.
It is amazing how God gives me his word when I need it and the verse for today is just that:
"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."
Col 2:6-7.
Love to all,

I'll take what I can get

Sometimes you just don't get to do everything you would like to.  I push myself and push harder because I just don't know what it means to take it easy.  I have done it again.  After my surgery, I thought I would just bounce back, quick. But that is not what is happening. I have tried not to take a lot of pain medications and tried not to be down to long.  I stayed in bed that first and second day, but by Saturday, I was getting restless.  I should have known better, because I am paying for it today and of all days.  I did go to mom's to be with our family for the celebration of Easter but I was only able to stay a little while and had to come home.   I know it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, and maybe I am.  I am praying this is the last surgery that I will have to have that is related to my cancer.  I am hoping this will put most of my worries to rest and I can move on.  I thought I had moved on when I got the all clear 2 years ago but you never really do.  There is reminders that come up in everyday life that tell you to never forget.
But the one thing that gets me through it all is knowing that Jesus has taken all my burdens. When I start to feel this way and feel the heavy burden of what is going on in my mind, I just give it up.  People ask me how I can stay positive through all of this.  Jesus is how I do it. When I start to feel down, I just pray-have a little conversation with my God and it helps.

So even though I didn't get to spend Easter like I wanted to, I still was blessed with seeing my family and loving on them, even if it was just for a short time.

"Teach me to do you will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground." Psalm 143:10

Love to all,

Why go?

I have returned from my trip to Honduras and I was so blessed. I experienced so many new adventures and God taught me to trust him through me in the medical clinics. I was so nervous and anxious about them and how they would go, but after the first one, God proved that if I just let him have control, it would all go well.  We saw so many people and was able to introduce Christ to them and some even accepted Christ! Pastor Luis said that these medical clinics are the door to those villages that do not know about God.  I am so glad that God has chosen me to be a part of this.
I also got to taste the authentic food.  Louisa from across the street from our hostel made enchiladas and they were great. Then Olimpia (our pottery lady) made us homemade donuts and coffee which was awesome! The ladies at the women's ministry made us some really good lemongrass tea and Pastor Lorenzo and his wife in Lamenda made our whole team lunch of pollo guisado.  It is a type of chicken soup with rice.  It was amazing!  Everyone has told us to watch eating the food because we do not know how it was prepared.  But when they make you food, it is disrespectful not to partake.  They took the time to prepare it just for you and the fellowship we have shows our love to build these relationships.
I love going to Honduras and the people there.  I have heard people say there are needs in the states and why do you have to go across the world when there is so much to do here.  Well my answer is this: Some are called to stay home, minister at home and support those who go abroad and some are called to minister across the world. There are so many people not only in Honduras that have never heard the word of Christ or know about him.  There are no churches in some towns and that is why I go.  To spread the word.  If they do not hear about the love of Christ, how are they to be saved?
My question to those that question me is this: If you are not called to travel abroad, then why are you not being a missionary and ministering to those here at home?  If you believe in Christ then you are called by Him to spread his word and love.  This is my challenge to all: Love one another and share the good news!

One other thing: I had my surgery today for my ovaries and tubes to be removed and it all went well.  I will be seeing Dr. Hargis in two weeks and will be changing up my medications. So NO MORE TAMIXOFEN!!  What a relief that is for me.  So right now I am loving my percocets.

Trust and faith in God.  That is the lesson for me.  Listen to him when he talks and obey.  That is the hard part.  It takes courage.  I am learning this.  Thank goodness for his grace and forgiveness.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

Love to all,

Getting ready

It's that time to start packing and get ready for my mission trip to Lacampa Honduras.  Oh, have I not told you about it? Well I am going to be working in 3 medical clinics for the Lenca people.  This is my second mission trip I have taken in my life, and I thought it was going to be like last time....witnessing, building churches, VBS.  NOoooooo, God thought it would be good for me to be in charge of running a few medical clinics.  I know this is where my knowledge is and hopefully I will be able to minister to the people there while working.  I don't have to do a thing, God will be working in and through me, but I am still nervous about it.  My biggest worry is that I will not be able to communicate with the people and understand them.
But despite all of this, I am so excited about going.  I will be with a great group of people on our team and one of them is my DAD! I love doing things with him and this is something that just we share.
So we will be leaving at 6 am on Saturday March 5th.  Pray it all goes smoothly and that we will be safe and healthy will we are there.
When I return, I will be having surgery the following week.  More to come on that, but my DR finally agreed and gave in to my request for my ovaries to be removed so I can come off of my tamixofen medication.  So I am excited and relieved about that.  But one thing at a time.  Gods will and plan first.
"The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe" Proverbs 18:10

Love to all,