Merry Christmas

 It has been a while since I have been on here. Lots of things going on.  Funny how life can get  you sidetracked from things that are important to you with those little things that are not so important. I once heard someone say that the devil keeps us busy with those little things to keep us from doing what is most important. Things like worrying, concentrating on stressors, putting things ahead of God.  Nothing is more important than what God wants to do in our lives.

So this year, over the last month, I have been busy. Busy in getting ready for our Christmas holidays. My son was able to come home this year, so I have been so blessed with just having my kids here at home with my family. We were able to go to church together and my daughter sang a solo with the worship team. I love her voice and to hear her sing. She is so talented. Now for me, I did not get the good vocal cords. I sound like...well, I do not know what I sound like, and it isn't very good. I don't think you want to hear it. I am best singing in my car...alone.

I have had a lot of distractions as well. Work, illness in my family, things in the world trying to scare us, but I have learned over the last 2 years is that trust in God and he will pull us through it. Too bad some of those distractions where me not wanting to clean the house! I just try to avoid that! But some of the best distractions I have had are my kids smiles, laughter with family, seeing my mom laugh! Watching my dad pray.  My dog Riley opening her present and then me hiding the bone she got because I keep stepping on it! (it blends in our carpet and has sharp edges!) And the many blessings and positive words from the amazing people I work with!

Let us all be distracted with celebrating the birth of Jesus. His birth and life was prophesied many years before he was born. Wonder what is in the making for my life, for your life, that we do not know about yet? Look back on your life. What has come to pass already that you now know it was meant to be, for something much greater.

For me, the struggle to have children and infertility is one of them. But I have 2 amazing kids that are doing amazing things, even though sometimes I have to pull the momma voice still! And I know they will continue to do them. I am able to use my struggle to help others, but also rejoice in what was given to me, my kids!

So my challenge to you, pay attention to your distractions. Eliminate them if they are not productive. Concentrate on what is good. Do not let your distractions take away from you. Be Kind and love one another.

Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, the young woman shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. Isaiah 7:14

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”So this is why I have a big smile and joy in my heart! Luke 2:13-14

Love to all,

See the Beauty

 I drive 45 minutes to work. This past week, I was given the gift of a beautiful sunrise. The sun shining on the leaves of gold, red and orange just showing God's glory in the glow. This time change may not be fun with the days getting shorter, but it has given us an opportunity to see the beauty in the morning and pay attention to the sunset in the evenings.

Sometimes I like to stop and get me a diet coke on the way. And I bet you know who has the best fountain diet cokes! I was blessed again this morning when the person in front of me had bought my drink! That may me feel so good that someone felt inspired to give me a little good in my day. Even if it was just $1. When this happened, I was shocked because this doesn't happen to me! I was not prepared. I had my $1.06 in hand, exact change for my drink. So I got my drink, said thank you and left.

Well, as I got to thinking as I was driving, I should have paid it forward. I should have paid for the order from the person behind me. So this just gave me an excuse to get another diet coke the next day! (not that I need a excuse). I went through the drive thru, ready to pay it forward and no one was behind me!! I prayed, God, I thought you would want me to bless someone today. Well, didn't have to wait that long because as I was waiting in line, someone came. But God also said, I want you to bless others everyday, not just once and a while or during Christmas season. I want you to do this all year, every day. It doesn't have to be buying something. It can be a word, and act of servanthood. 

It feels good to be on the receiving end of someone's giving but did you know that it also feels good when you give? You receive the blessing as well when you give. 

I was able to be a part of Santa blessing others this week. My dad dressed as santa and we walked around the hospital blessing the staff. The visitors were blessed as well. A few asked if they could have their picture with him! One patient asked for santa to come see him! Santa was able to bring smiles to others that night, even if it was way early. As Santa said, he was taking a break and left the elves in charge so he could come out to see the heroes of our hospital. 

I challenge you. Bless others each day. Seek out to do something for others. It may be small to you, but it could mean all the world to them.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

Love to all,

You matter

 

You matter. Yes you! Sometimes we need to hear this. I know I need to hear some positive affirmations at times. To have a hug or a note saying that I matter, I am loved.  I got this great book from a dear friend for my birthday and despite it being a fast read (I read it in like 20 minutes! which is a miracle), it has some wonderful advice. It raised a lot of thoughts in me that I have had thought about. And I know that if I have had them, and still do, that there is many more that have. So I would like to talk about these.

1. "When have you been your strongest? "The answer in the book was: "When I have dared to show my weakness."  How true. During my most difficult times, I have felt so weak but have been my strongest as well.  I know that it is because that at my weakness, I trust in God more. I lean on him to give me strength.

2. "Asking for help is not giving up. It is refusing to give up."  So many times I have wanted to throw the towel in and give up. But something inside of me tells me to keep going. It may be my competitiveness that I have to keep going and not give up the fight. But asking for help, is not failure, it is getting me through my fight. No matter what fight you are going through, we always need help to stand, or kneel to get through it.

3. "Is your glass half empty or half full?" The book answers, "I am grateful to have a glass."  This is my favorite. and I think most Interesting. This caused me to pause. Because I always look at the worse case scenario.  What would I do if.... But never thought to thank God for just having the glass. For just having the situation, conversation, hug,  trouble, fight for my life situations. I think if we all looked at it as thankful for having the glass, then no matter how full or empty it is, we can get through it or help each other through it.

4. "We have such a long way to go. Yes but look at how far we have come."  I love this as well. Sometimes I look at how much more I have to complete and never reflecting on where I have come from or how much I have accomplished. Yes, we need to focus on where we are going, but we also must stop and reflect on where and what we have done. This will keep us moving for our goals, for healing of our mind and body, for our positive spirit.

And lastly, "Always remember you matter, you're important and you are loved. and you bring to this world things no one else can. We all bring something to this world. We are all different. This is what makes our world so wonderful. It can be scary at times, but step out in faith. Show your beautiful colors so others may see the beauty in you.

We are all created in Christ, equally, in God's image. This means we are all brothers and sisters, no matter what we look like.

Colossians 1:16-17; For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

Revelation 7:9-10; After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!”

Love to all,

book credits to: The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse. By Charlie Mackesy

getting older

 

We all get older. Some more gracefully than others. Today is my birthday. And as I am another year older, I choose to look at all what I have gained throughout my life.

I have gotten wiser. God has given me wisdom as I grow up. I learn from my mistakes and must let my children make those same mistakes so they will learn and develop wisdom.

But some of those teaching moments can burn and hurt. It can cause you to lose friendships. It also can help you develop courage. To speak out for what you believe in. To speak out for others.

So I look at my birthday as being a blessing. To look at my life and all my experiences. But that I GET to live on. I Get to sleep, and wake up each morning. I get to love, kiss, hug others. I get to experience chocolate pie! (which was my birthday present from my daughter this year!)

To get to experience life.....That is a blessing.

What do you GET to have and do in your life?

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. Numbers 6:22-24

Love to all,

Submission

 Submission. Can you do it? Sometimes it is hard to submit to others, or to compromise. I was faced with this today. To submit to God and step out of my comfort zone. To walk in the path God has set before me each day. It may be at work, in a store, at home or even at church. I just need to have that faith. Hebrews 11:1 says, Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Our church sermon series is on submission. It has taught me a lot, especially today. You see, today I heard my inner voice say to me, pray for that man. I saw a man a few rows up from me. He was crying and the service just started. Something was aching his heart, troubling his soul. I Prayed. Hard. I don't know his troubles or demons, but it was some heavy ones to have him on his knees, crying to God.

I felt a push to go sit by him or just put my hand on his back for comfort, but I couldn't get there without causing a scene, causing others to notice. So I just prayed for him. Prayed for God to open the eyes of those around him to comfort him. My prayers were answered. He did receive that comfort of those around him.

BUT GOD....He still had other plans for me. I think he wanted me to say something to him. I was going to go up to this man after church but he took off and I didn't see him. Then as I was walking out he ended up right beside me! I feel that God placed him in my path. I had to muster all the courage in my mind to say something to him. I obeyed. I felt stupid, but I said- I noticed you in church and your tears and have prayed for you. I hope my words and the support of the others around him will help him know he is loved. 

I am glad I obeyed God. I have felt this inner voice before and have not acted because I was scared or would feel stupid. I say, never be afraid to obey God. To take that step in faith, in whatever God has called you to do, no matter how small or big.

I will continue to pray for this man in the red shirt from church.  God has touched his soul, his heart for a reason. He was placed in my path for a reason. I may not know why, but I am not always going to.

"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved." Ephesians 2:4-5

Love to all,

Coincidence?

 Coincidence? I don't think so. I have had it happen to me and I have heard stories of it happening to others.  

What am I talking about? When God puts people in your path at just the right moment. Or sometimes God puts you in others paths at that moment in time when it is really needed. That person placed for a comforting word, or just being present.

I was told a story this week of just this thing. A nurse had a patient who was in critical condition. This patient did not survive their illness. The patient's mother and this nurse were talking and found out that they knew each other when they were kids. They had lost touch with each other but at this moment, they were placed in each others paths. How amazing is this!

Have you experienced this in your life. I bet if you thought about it, you can think of many times that this has happened.

So much sorrow and tears in our life. But we can be that beacon of light and hope for others. You may never know what impression or good you give to someone. It may be in a small task as in getting coffee or paying for their meal. Or it can be in a word you say. But just know that people watch and see you. They may not say anything to you, but I am sure they say it to their family or friend.

I had someone tell me that they walked into their patient's room and the daughter was on the phone talking about how great the care he mother was getting and how she appreciated everything we were doing for her mother and for her. She never said anything to us, but it was nice to hear that she felt safe.

Be kind to one another.

Jesus said to love one another. 

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."   John 13:34

Survivor

 

Are you a survivor? I think us all have survived from something in our life. My biggest fight I have survived from, I think, is breast cancer.

First day of chemo

My hair falling out and Robby shaving it off

after the shave

Scarves for me, wigs NO

My beautiful head

me now: A SURVIVOR

  I know I started this blog when I was diagnosed with breast cancer to log what I was going through and to keep me from having to repeat the tough answers to questions that everyone asked me. (you can go back to the beginning if you are interested in my journey)

Questions like: "how are you doing?"; "what did the doctor say?"; "when is your treatment?"; "why do not have any hair?"

I was diagnosed June 2012 and that started a whirlwind of emotions, treatments, illness. My chemo and radiation treatments were not done until July 2013. One whole year. A year where I lost a lot. My hair. My health. My life. You see, it was all about the cancer. I was identified by my cancer. So was my family. You could see it on me. I couldn't escape it. I tried. Wigs- don't work. Scarves were pretty but still showed I was sick. Tired all the time. Nausea/vomiting- speaks for itself. Radiation- that's another story.

Radiation was hard. I had just finished my chemo and started this. They had to map my body so the radiation was aimed at the right place. It taught me that as a healthcare worker, to show empathy and understanding to my patients. I laid on that table with the techs getting me ready for scans and they were joking and laughing.  All I could think was, I have cancer. I am lying here half naked in front of people I don't know. They don't care. Then I would cry. crocodile tears.

I had already lost my hair, which was a nightmare. I tried to tell myself that it was "just hair" and that it would grow back. But that didn't help. I would look in the mirror and be reminded of what I was going through everyday. But I do have to say that I have a really cute bald head! 

So what have I learned from this? Radiation shrinks tissue, which means my boobs are lopsided. I learned to rely on others to help me. I kinda liked the bald look-but not enough to keep it! Being a patient is hard, (I was not a good one).

I survived a lot. I am not alone. These hard times only help to make us stronger. It helps to teach us lessons in life. 

October is breast cancer awareness month. I just want you to know that cancer doesn't care how old you are or if you are a male or female. I encourage everyone to do your monthly breast checks and if over 35, annual breast mammograms. Squeeze those girls!!!

John 16:33 "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

Love to all,

Comfort

 What brings you comfort? I'm not talking about a temporary comfort like food, or drink or watching a movie (or chocolate!).  I am talking about true comfort.

When I was visiting my parents I noticed my dad's hands. They look like my papaws hands that I remember as I was growing up. To me, my dad's hands represent so many things.

They represent strength, that has carried me when I was sick. Hands that gave me comfort when I was scared. Hands that love, that was shown to others in need. Hands that has strength that can build things but tender to care for a child. Hands that teach, and hands that can discipline as well.

I have so many memories of all of these of what they do in my life.

We have shared time together on mission in Honduras and I have seen his love and strength with building houses and churches. 

I have be on the receiving end of the discipline, with my last spanky butt at age 16! 

They have taught me how to drive, (I think I aged him 10 yrs), how to change a tire (which I don't remember how to anymore!), how to balance a checkbook and how to love. Dad and mom have shown me what a true, loving marriage looks like. 

He also taught me how to BE loved. Robby's hands demonstrate this to me everyday,

His hands represent love and strength of our family and life. I pray that our children see this when they see his hands. He is so understanding and celebrates with me in the good times and holds me in listens when I am having a bad day. I have been having a lot of those lately and he doesn't ever tell me he is tired of me. He listens and helps me through it. 

I am so lucky to have these 2 men in my life that support me, love me and tolerate my "blondeness" thinking at times. I just bring a new energy, comedy to our lives that only I can do. Robby tells me he never gets tired of it because it is what made him fall in love with me 38 years ago! His heart is loving but brutally honest too. If you ask a question, be ready for the true, honest answer.  Especially if you ask, does this shirt look ok? 

My heart is full. I am who I am today because of these men.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

Ephesians 4:32: "Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."

Love to all,

Finding Joy

 

Finding joy despite the hard times. This is a difficult task. Especially now. I hate to be the downer, but the last few weeks have been hard for me. I have had to flip shifts to help cover nights due to staffing needs. I feel like I am one of the zombies from the walking dead!  My eye bags have gotten full!

 Also, we have seen so many of our patients die lately.  It is hard, not only for me, but for all the nurses and pca's that I work with.  It just isn't covid, but covid isn't helping the situation either. The work is hard mentally and physically. But as a nurse, I have taken on this profession through it all. 

I am determined to find joy in the midst of all of this.  It will only bring you down more if I keep my mind on the negative. And I think I would lose my mind if I did this. I do not want to lose my joy in life from everything going on in our world. It seems that there have always been things going on in the world, but until it affects you personally, you really don't see it. Life just goes on.  Now that for the last year and half, covid has hit us all, we are feeling the reactions our bodies have to this stress. 

So I have decided to find joy in each day, even if it is one thing I can only think of.  I am sure I can think of a few.....

A smile.....hug..... holding Robby's hand....daisy's.....grilled cheese....foot rubs....Java chip from starbucks!...hearing I Love You... doing something for someone to help them....my family... my friends...And I could name others as well...

How do you find joy? I find it by starting my day before my feet hit the floor with putting a smile on my face. You can't be mad, or depressed if you start the day with a smile. Then say, "thank you God for giving me another day to be alive." Look for ways to help someone's day better. Whether it is holding someone's hand, praying over them, or just listen to them. Buy their lunch, or if in a drive thru, buy the person behind you order. Mail someone a hand written letter or card. Yes snail mail! Don't you love it when you get mail?? Offer to babysit for someone. This will give you joy by helping the parents for a few hours, and joy by being a kid again and doing kid stuff. This gives you a reason to play like a child! You may need a day off after this, but it will be worth it.

Here is a few promises from God:

Romans 5:3-4; Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

1 Peter 5:10; And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4; Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Love to all,

crack-a-lackin

 Oh My! I have to tell you about this. So with all the stress I have been having lately, I have taken up getting a massage. This is amazing. If you haven't gotten one, I highly recommend it. While this helped me,  I am still having neck and upper back pain. So she recommended a chiropractor. 

I am like, I don't think so. I have a fear of someone twisting my head like they are going to twist it off my neck. But I broke. I made an appointment. I went. 

Today.

He said, you are so tight! I'm like, RIGHT! He asked what I did and I think I unloaded to much information because next thing I know I am laying face down and they have the TENS unit hooked up to my neck and back. Well that felt amazing.  Better than any massage. I actually think I fell asleep.  (maybe a little sleep drool!)

Then once that was done, he went on to stretch my neck which was good too!

But then came the twisting part. CRACK! POP!  It was over before I could even think about it. But oh my, it felt so good. He told me I may be sore some but to ice my shoulder and it should help. I am thinking, I feel amazing. Neck and shoulder pain gone. I am new person.  I don't think I will need any ice pack. He said I should come back Friday. I don't think I need to but he's the doctor.

Well, it is about 5 hrs since this and I believe him now. I am sore, all over.

Guess I will be keeping the appointment Friday.

Romans 12:12, "Be JOYFUL in Hope, PATIENT in Affliction, FAITHFUL in Prayer.

Love to all,

Compassion.....fatigue

 Have you ever felt that you just have no more to give. Nothing more. Can't think about what to say, all the tears are dried up, you just can't focus on someone else's concerns because  you are still trying to figure out your own.

That is what me, and most nurses are experiencing. And not just nurses, but anyone in healthcare..RT, PT, CNA and the list goes on and on. When you have a family member or friend that is a patient in the hospital, please try to have some understanding and extend the nurse some compassion and empathy to them. We are having a lot more bad days than there is good.  And it's taking a lot to cope with everything that we are faced with.

Yes, the nurse may be short in her answers, or he may not spend as much time with you when answering your questions, but it is not because they are angry or upset with you or your request. Keep in mind it could be that her other patient has just died and the family may not have been there and she had to call them to tell them they had passed. It is very heart breaking for us to do this. I have seen and heard so many complaints from families to the nurses complaining about how bad the care is and how mad the are at the nurses because we are not giving them what they want.

First of all, we cannot be everything for everyone.  And we have to go by our policies set forth by administration. Visitation policies are set to protect us, you and the community from covid. I want to just say to them to be grateful that the patient is allowed one visitor because when covid first started last year, we were not having any visitors...AT ALL!

And second, for those who are complaining about how bad the care is, I just have to say to them, come walk in my shoes and then tell me how bad my care is. Because YOU have NO idea. And don't go to WebMD or google then come and try to tell us or the providers what treatment we need to do.  This isn't what is best for your loved one. Let the providers do what they are trained to do. What they went to school for so many years to learn how to care for people.  Let them do their job. 

All of this complaining just makes a bad day worse. And takes time away from us caring for our patients. So many nurses are leaving the bedside. And no telling how many are experiencing PTSD from all of this pandemic stuff going on. But I have to say to all my fellow nurses, stand tall! Support each other. Nursing is like a marriage. Let me remind you of the vows: We are in it through sickness and health, good times and bad. In those difficult times where we need to cling to each other and support each other, encourage each other and just lift each other up to get through these  hard times. 

Third: HUGS ARE GOOD. We don't do it enough. Hug your co-worker (in a good way, not creepy way!)

I know we can do it. 

As I am getting ready for work, flipping off of my dayshift job to work nights to help my staff/unit with staffing needs, I think, I just can't do it again.  Another night shift, another 12 hours. 12 hours of patients crashing, asking for help breathing, begging to be placed on the vent. Or families calling begging to allow them to come in and visit, just to look through the window to see their dad, spouse, or families calling and yelling or complaining because we didn't call them with an update every shift. (They do not know or understand that we may  have just been with a patient that had died, a patient that needed to be flipped to his belly to help him breathe better, or we were setting up a zoom meeting with a patient and family for them to say I love you before we intubated them).  Sometimes I feel I can't do it, but then I think, if I don't, who will?  

So I wake up for each of my shifts, sometimes it is days, sometimes nights. Sometimes it is 10hrs, 12hrs for 5 days or 7 days a week. But I have a choice how I will react and how my day will be.  I wake up and say, This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118;24

This is why we have compassion fatigue.  We are pulled in so many directions, having to contain so many emotions and tears to just get through the shift. This comes out as a flat affect on our face, or as us laughing at something that may seem inappropriate to those not in healthcare and wouldn't understand. BUT, if God brought you to the battle, He will bring you through the battle.

As Esther 4:14 states: PERHAPS YOU WERE MADE FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS. I know I can make a difference. I just may not know this at that time.

Love to all,

time to heal

 We all need time to heal from this past (almost) 2 years. Some manage stress and illness better than others and some take a little longer to heal. 

Whatever stage you are in with your healing, it still is a difficult time. I was so strong in the beginning. I was trying to be so strong for my co-workers, family and even myself. You see, I am always the strong one. Even when I was going through cancer, I felt like I should have to be the strong one for my family. I do not like to show weakness. But who am I kidding? I am not superhuman, even though I try to be!

So, when I started to let the stress get to me, I didn't want to tell others, but wanted to try to manage it on my own. Remember, I think I am super-human! I just want to say that this doesn't work. Healthcare is really stressful for us nurses right now. I thought that it was bad in 2020, but 2021 is worse. Nurses are leaving the bedside and it is adding more work to those that are staying. Our work hours have grown longer and more has been added to the week. We are away from our family, spouse and children more to care for your family who is sick in the hospital, possibly dying from covid. This will go down in history just like 9/11.  Your children and grandchildren will ask you, "what was it like to live through the covid-19 pandemic?"  And we will have stories to tell of pain, victories, survival. 

I am doing much better now that I have reached out to my doctor, who is very supportive of me. As well as my amazing husband.  He is a rock for me. Am I still struggling?

ABSOLUTELY! Matter of fact, I almost succumbed to a panic attack at work yesterday! I got through it, a lot of deep breathing, and was able to move past it. But each day, I am able to process my thoughts better and not have them over take me.

Mental health is a real thing. I use to not think about it because it never really affected me. I seemed to always be able to process and work through my stressors and issues. But we all have our tipping/melting point, and I have seemed to reach mine. I now understand more fully what others have gone through. I am living this and will come out on the other side even more stronger. 

I know God will guide me and help me, give me a way out of my struggles. But I must go through the storm. I don't like it. I will not give up. And I hope with my experiences I will be able to help others even more.

John 6:35; Jesus said to them, I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.

Love to all,

mental health days

As someone in healthcare and working in these trying times, I want to stress more than ever that we all need your prayers for strength, not only physical but mentally. The support we got when Covid-19 first started was unbelievable. But now that we are seeing a resurgence of it, we are not seeing that support. It feels like this time around, the physical and mental stress seems different and it's more this time around.  I am not going to preach about the vaccine or about wearing a mask. I just want to get out there that the nurses and pca's that I work with are working longer hours, with more critical patients and they are feeling it. 

I work with some great people that are doing what they can to provide the best care to our patients. But the stress of these trying times is starting to wear on them as well as me.

You see, as healthcare workers, we are the caregiver, counselor, hugger, hand holder, and sometimes family to our patients as well as our co-workers.  A lot of the nurses I work with have never experienced anything like this and it is so hard to process what is happening and how to comfort our patient and families and have it not affect us emotionally.

I am one of those type of people, as I am sure a lot of you are out there, that wants to appear to have it all together. But if you really think about it, none of us really do. We need each other to get through our days, even if it is a good one. And it isn't failing if you need to ask for help. I have seen so many co-workers shed tears because of their patients condition.  And it isn't because they are weak, but that they care so much and there is nothing we can do.  It is a feeling of helplessness that when you do all that is in your power and nothing changes. Your patient is still sick, or even worse, they die.

It is not shameful or a sign of weakness to seek help. I tell this to my co-workers and encourage them to seek the help of counselors or doctors. But to be honest, as one who likes to seem that I have it all together, I don't.  It's ok to not be ok. But to recognize when you need help is another story. I feel embarrassed, or weak when I admit I need help. But to take that step shows strength. 

I hope that if you are feeling the stress of this world, you will seek help. It doesn't have to be in healthcare. It can be the loss of something, a loved one, job or it could just be the stress of raising a family. There is so many things out there and not one tops the other.  And if you see someone that seems to have it all together, just think, they may not but is not sure who to go to get help. 

I have sought the help of others and it was a hard step to take, but a needed one.  Just take that step. The first one is always the hardest.

John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Love to all,

overwhelmed

 Still feeling like you can't manage it? I have recently felt so overwhelmed that I didn't think I was going to be able to breathe.  So many things in life being thrown my way. My last post was talking about handling life and that was a month and half ago! I got through that and still having more things thrown at me. 

~Son away at school in Florida 

~Daughter trying to find a job, but the job market sucks and trying to encourage her in this hunt

~house renovation still going on and wishing it would be over!

~work: flipping to day and night shift because of staffing needs and trying to do my job with it

.....and I can go on and on. But I am not going to whine. God made me strong. And when I feel weak, I know where to turn. Sometimes the tears come, just to get some relief. I can remember when my daughter would cry, for no reason. I would ask her, why are you crying and she would say, "I don't know". I totally understand that now. But sometimes this release helps me get through these times. Some people scream, run, exercise, eat.....I cry.

I also make pickles! I love doing this. It is a lot to do and pretty much takes about half of my day off, but I enjoy it. It is something that I do good and I love to eat what I can make. 

When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, know God is still using you. 

" My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Love to all, 

Can you handle it?

 This week has been intense. I mean, intense, in all aspects of life. Work, family, personal growth. Sometimes it is hard to give to others when I feel I don't have anymore to give.

Sometimes it is hard to contain it and the tears flow.  Sometimes while driving, I just need to let out frustration and no one hears me.  I will yell and scream just to release that tension. I bet those driving by me think I am crazy or have lost my mind!  Or I will blast my music so loud to drown out the thoughts and just concentrate on the words of the songs. So glad no one hears me singing, I am not that good!

Have you felt this way? Felt like you were not going to be able to handle what is thrown your way?

I am still here and still handling the curve balls thrown at me. Is it hard? YES! Very hard. I know it will be. But I know I can do this, continue to be strong, give a smile, give more of me to others who may not be able to handle the stress of life.  Pray with them, hug them or just sit and listen.

We don't always get to choose our battles but we choose to stand. We choose to have victories in our stand. Don't be the victim of your circumstances. Choose to have courage to extinguish your worry and fear. Worry will stop you from living, from moving forward.  I don't want to dwell on what is hard and stressful. I want to enjoy my life and be full of happy and joy.

And guess what. The evil one knows what your worries, fears and anxieties are. And he will use that against you to keep you in this stressful state. He will keep reminding these to you to keep you down. 

We are bigger than this. Don't give in. Be courageous. Even when you are tired, stressed, feeling like you have no more to give.

Like I said, this week has been intense for me. But I choose to not let the devil keep reminding me, refuse to let him keep making me feel like it is my fault, refuse to let him make me feel I have no way out. 

I am not alone, I must choose to be victorious and I can only do this with christ with me.

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Love to all,

I'm OK

 How many times have you said that? I'm OK.  Were you really ok? I sometimes say I'm ok when really, deep down, I am not as ok as I make it out to be. It is sometimes easy to put that fake smile on and say I'm ok just so you don't have to talk about what is bothering you or hurting you.  But, what if. What if you just spoke the words, I am not ok, and what is hurting you to that one person you trust. Think of how much it would help you through those difficult times. 

I am learning this. Not everyone wants to hear your problems and you shouldn't tell everyone your problems either! But those that really care about you will want to listen and help you. I am learning this. It is a slow and hard process for me because I want to keep everything bottled up. 

Jesus is the one that can help you too. Yes, I know, you can't feel or see him in person, but you can feel his presence around you. You need to have faith. Faith that He will provide for you. He will provide a way out of a difficult circumstance, provide a person to come into your life or cross your path at just the right moment. He will provide you comfort and a peace you just can't understand.

So call on him. Ask him to give you his smile, his peace, his comfort and he will give it to you! Today, I have his smile, not a fake one, but one that He has placed on me because I know I am not alone.

Philippians 4:7- And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

1 Corinthians 10:13- No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out.

Love to all,

Grief

 Grief. It happens. Life happens. And how you handle it is different from everyone else. 

I have had a lot going on these last few weeks personally. 

* My dad in the hospital and not sure what was going on with him and what would happen to him.

* June 1 was the 9 year anniversary from my breast cancer diagnosis, which brings so many feelings and memories from that phone call.

* A great man from my church passed away, in the hospital I work in, which was hard seeing him sick, and his family in grief.

* taking my son to Florida to find an apt for him to move, dealing with my feelings about him moving 3 states away, and trying to learn to let go and grow up

* My mother in law going to be with Jesus this week.

All of these events have caused me to withdraw and my stress level increased.  I am having to concentrate on managing stress through meditation, prayer and being with my family.

I am doing ok, so no need to worry. I am planning my mission trip and that is keeping me busy.  Life is hard and when you start thinking about death and family moving away, it makes it harder. 

I don't want to think about losing any of my family, but I do know my God will be with me, never leave me. I am never alone. So I will be able to manage my son moving, it may take a little time, a few tears, but I will be ok.

In case you are wondering, my dad is doing great! He got a pacemaker and that has been a blessing. It is like seeing a new person. His health is so much better, and he is able to do so much more. 

So if you are going through a difficult time, feel like there is no end to trouble times or just feeling down, know that God is with you. You just need to call out to Him. He will answer.

Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Love to all,