No complaining

In our sermon teaching by Kyle this past Sunday, he said, "Be intentional to be thankful in all circumstances."  I seem to find that hard at times these days.  I find myself complaining a lot about things that I shouldn't even let bother me!!  You know, don't sweat the small stuff.  Well, I seem to be doing just that.  Funny, but when I had cancer and I was going through all that treatment last year, I don't remember complaining about any of it.  And I think I had a perfect right to complain.  I just didn't have anything in my mind to complain about, I guess I was feeling to bad to complain!
So now that I have my life back, I have taken it with full force.  I don't want to miss out on anything.  I guess having a scare like I did last year puts it all in perspective.  Live like it is your last.
I am volunteering more with my girl scouts, doing more community service to those in need, taking an interest in my professional life and have returned to college (not fun!), and enjoying my family so much more.  Everything around me, I see with new eyes.  God has given me this new vision to see how he sees.
But I find myself complaining at times about how busy I am and I did this!!
So I will continue to remember what is said in the good book:
"Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world" Philippians 2:14-15.

Love to all,

Happy Birthday to meeee!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rS7s3Wq2ggk

This movie is the best!! I have been singing this movie, 16 candles birthday song all day.
I just love this past week.  It has felt like I have celebrated my birthday all week.  I just can't believe that I am 46 years old!!  I think I am in my 20's but my body says no.  Today I posted some pics of my younger days for throw back Thursday.  Man, have I changed.  But in my mind, I still look like that.

In one years time, there has been so many ups and downs, but I celebrate them all today.  Because God has a perfect spot for me in his plan and I am ready to move on.   I just wish I knew what it was.  But that is the joy of it. He will call you when you least expect it.  I may have already done my part but I know that God isn't done with me yet!!

So as I celebrate getting older today, I am not looking back but looking ahead at the future.
Mark 13:33, " Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come."
Love to all,

I did it!

Well, I did it, I finished the 5K race for the cure.  Last year when I walked in it, I couldn't finish it.  It felt so good being out there as a SURVIVOR! And to give support to those going through treatment now that were there was amazing.  So many stories from these women.  I walked not only for me but in support of my friends and family that have gone through this or is currently going through this hell.  But there is heaven on the other side, so don't give up.
Thank you to everyone that supported me in this.  And to my wonderful kids who got up at 5 am to go with me!! They are a blessing.
The parade of pink was great.  All the survivors were in our pink shirts and we got to start the race off by marching to the starting line.  So many courageous women of all ages.

So I leave you with some pictures and a piece of advice....squeeze a boob, save a life!

1 Corinthians 16:13 "Be on your guard; STAND FIRM in the faith; be men of courage; BE STRONG."
love to all,

Fight like a girl

I love that saying, fight like a girl, because that is what I did!!  Today was my mammogram, my new baseline mammogram after all this cancer and treatment.  I worried last night and was thinking, what if it isn't gone.  What if I have to do this all over again.  This morning as I drove in I just prayed, God whatever your will, I will be here for the ride.  If you choose to have the cancer still here, help me to be strong.  I will praise you in the storms and praise you in the celebrations.  Well today is a celebration.  My mammogram is clear.  Not even a cyst!  Today, September 9, 2013, marks the end of the journey of breast cancer and the beginning of my journey as a survivor of breast cancer.  All I can say is WHOO, HOO!! YIPEEE!! I am doing the the boogy, party dance right now!

I don't know why I was so afraid, God is always with me!

Psalms 118:6; "The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

Love to all,

My port comes out

Today is the next step in closing out this year of cancer.  I get my port removed today!! After this, all I will have is the scars of surgery to remind me of this trial in my life and all the wonderful things that came from it. Yes, I said wonderful. I remember all the horrible things I went through but I choose to remember the most all the good things.  It has brought me closer to Jesus and I have developed deeper relationships with my friends and family.
So today at 4 p.m. I will be meeting Dr. Matt Brown for him to take out this out of me.  The last part of this whole thing will be my mammogram which is scheduled on Sept 10th.  You know I will keep you posted.

Romans 8:26, "The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."

Love to all,

Hair today, gone tomorrow and back again

I was looking through pictures and it seems that I have taken pictures and have a series of my hair.  Kinda like a story of my hair.  If you remember how I was so anxious about loosing it with my chemo and then how hard it was when I did lose it.  But I got through it with the help of hats!!  I thought I would share my story of my hair in pictures with you all.  Enjoy!
August 2012 in Knoxville  before it all started.

first day of chemo August 2012

hair coming out in chunks

getting my hair buzzed Sept 2012

at the beach October 2012

November 2012

starting to grow Jan 2013

February 2013

May 2013

June 2013

We have come a long waayyyyy baby!!

Hebrews 11:1 " Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see"

Love to all,

I'm a survivor!

As of today, I am now a survivor of breast cancer!!  I have finished my treatments and Dr. Hargis gave me a positive report!  So now onto my new life.  All I can think about is the song from Survivor: Eye of the Tiger.  I have gone the distance and now I am back on my feet! watch the video in case you don't remember this song from back in the day! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEjgPh4SEmU
I feel like it is kinda like being reborn,  the old is gone and the new has come.  As I look back at what me and my family has been through, I feel renewed.
So I have planned to have my port removed in the next few weeks and my mammogram is scheduled for August 28th.
It was a celebration at the infusion center today as I was not the only one celebrating my last treatment.  The nurses also celebrate when we survive!! I got confetti, a song and a certificate of completion!!  I think I will frame it with the one from radiation.  Kinda like a battle award. A reminder to me that I can get through anything and how strong I can be in the face of defeat.

So my favorite Bible verse has brought me to this point and I have renewed strength, soaring on wings like eagles!! Isaiah 40: 28-31
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Love to all,

 the best nurses EVER!!!

Tracy the best nurse!!

the last time

Tomorrow is the last treatment I will have for this dang cancer F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!! I am so glad this will be over. I just pray my port works tomorrow as it is suppose to!! The last 3 treatments it has been clogged and they had to give me medication to de-clog it.  My MUGA scan was good and my heart is in good shape and now all that is left is my mammogram follow up.  I guess I will be scheduling that for August.
God is so good to me and my family.  He has done miraculous things in my life and especially this past year. Even though he said NO to me about my biopsy being negative, He has a greater plan for me.  God has pulled me through this trial in my life to show me how to lean on him and trust him through it all, not just in the good times.
He has taught me through out this to rely on my friends and family to help take care of me.  I can't always be the one to take care of everyone else, sometimes you have to be the one taken care of.  Oh how that was a hard lesson for me to learn. But they never let me down and I was taken care of physically as well as emotionally.
I started this blog a year ago to help me through this phase in my life and to tell others about my cancer.  It has helped me getting out my feelings about what I was going through and helped me stay sane.  I plan on keeping this blog going, but it will be about good stuff in my life, and maybe an update here and there about my cancer survival.  I also wanted my blog to help others going through any cancer.  I feel I have done this.
I have met so many new people through out this and am grateful for that. My nurse Tracey, at Lousiville Oncology is awesome and I will miss seeing her and our talks.  I won't miss sitting in that chair getting stuck by a needle!!!
James 1:12 "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."
I have been through this testing in my life. Some days were not so good and I feel I failed those days, but my Jesus forgives when I ask him and I lay my cross down again another day.

Thank you to everyone and.....
Love to all,

life at last

I feel as if my life is slowing returning back to me.  My hair is growing back (if baby girl doesn't make me loose it from the stress of driving!!), and curlier than ever!  I am feeling good.  Losing weight.  Getting smarter (from school I think!). I think about all the other people in my life still in their journey or just starting their journey and just pray for them.  Is is bad for me to think that I am so glad I am almost done with all of my treatment?  I am happy that I only have one more treatment but feel bad for thinking this.  I feel I should wait for celebration until we all are done and then have a HUGE party to celebrate together!!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; Pray continually; Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

I am enjoying my new life.  Living each day to the fullest  Loving my family and my friends.
Loving God and learning to get closer to Him.
Continue to pray for me and my family.  There is still a little tough road ahead....keeping our faith and trust that God has gotten rid of all the cancer.  I will have my mammogram sometime in the next month.  Please keep fear away so that my faith will stand strong!!

Love to all,

1 more!!

I am sitting here finishing up my second to the last treatment!!  ONE MORE LEFT!!! after this one.  I can't believe that it is almost done.  It has been a long year with everything.  My hopes is that my experience can touch and help others through their battles.

1Corinthians 15:10
"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me"

Love to all,

purpose

Everyone wonders what is their purpose here and what is their part in God's plan. Well at least I do.
Another friend called me this week to tell me she is on the breast cancer boat now. It seems that since I was diagnosed, more people I know have been diagnosed too or know someone who has. I wonder and would like to think that me getting sick with cancer is all part of God's plan for me to help others through this. I hear you say, but Autumn why would God let you get sick and go through all this? Well because if I didn't experience this I wouldn't be able to help others going through this. Don't get me wrong, I never wish this on anyone, especially me! But if I didn't have this experience, I wouldn't be able to relate to those asking my advice of what is going to happen in their treatment.
So, I praise God he gave me this experience to me to tell my friends about my treatment, my emotional ride through out this cancer, how to take care of their nausea, skin changes from radiation and what to do to get started.  Also, this gives the opportunity for my family to talk to others about how this has affected them and hopefully their experience will help someone that has a loved one with cancer know how to support them through this.
So, my friend just starting, I pray for you to have strength throughout this and for you to know you have friends to lean on.  Before you know it, everything will be done and you will be on the other side of treatment and putting it all behind you.

So we praise God through the storms as well as the sunny days. I feel the storm help us grow and the sunny days are our celebration getting through them!

Psalm 150:5, "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord."

Love to all,

Celebrating early

Today me and my family celebrated early.  We had two celebrations, Jacob's graduation from high school and me finishing my treatments.  Well, I haven't finished all of them yet, but we celebrated anyway.  You see, on this day one year ago, I was told I have breast cancer. It has been a long road, this past year. And it isn't quite over yet.  I have 3 more treatments, a mammogram, possibly a MRI, before Dr. Hargis will say I am in the clear. So I continue to pray for my cure and have faith that my cancer is totally gone.
To celebrate today with my family was great.  I love being with all my family and to share this celebration with them.  I got a call from my cousin and friend today and she said she noticed my courage and strength throughout all of this. I hope this will help her gain courage and strength to get through her trials she is going through right now.  I am glad others have seen me through my good and bad times, and to see that I have survived it. But I have only gotten through this with my faith that God will walk me through it.  I pray others will see me and think, If Autumn can do this, then I can get through my trials.  It is hard, but you just lean on your family and friends and let God carry you.
So, I am not getting any younger and my kids Erin and Ty and nephews Trevor and Jacob, and niece Elizabeth, are growing up so fast, and it is a constant reminder that life goes on. But at least I AM getting older and that is a good feeling.  God isn't done with me yet and I am still in the plan he has set forth.  So I celebrate life and give love.

James 1:2-3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."

Love to all,

Love

Today, I went to the viewing of Officer Jason Ellis in support of my cousin in law Nathan and his wife (my cousin) Alison.  He was Nathan's brother in law.  Jason was killed in the line of duty as a policeman.  The turn out today was tremendous.  I can tell he was very loved.  But the reason I was there was because this really hit home to me.  All I could think about was thank you God that it wasn't Nathan.  Is this bad?  As I stood in line to pay my respects to Jason's wife, I see Alison and Nathan sitting and all I could do was go to him and hug him and tell him I love him. 
I pray for his safety as well and my brother in law Eddie.  You see Eddie has been deployed for the 4th time over seas. With all this going on, I reflect on my family and appreciate them even more and love them more and more.

God has put me in situations that have been hard over my life. I have experienced loses, love, and joy.  He has tested me through sickness and defeat.  But it has made my faith stronger.

I am almost done with all my treatments!! Only 3 more left!! Pretty soon I can put this experience as a check mark off my list of life's experiences.  I feel my life is getting back to normal somewhat. My hair is growing VERY curly. My hair on my arms and legs (boo) is growing back as well as my eyebrows!! OMG I may be turning into bigfoot! haha.

I just wonder what God has in store for me next?? I am sure it will be challenging, because He doesn't do small.

1John 4:19, "We love because he first loved us."
John 15:12, " My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."
1John 4:10, "This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."

love to all,

scary times

Baby girl is driving!!  So far we haven't really left the parking lot.  We attempted the neighborhood and we almost took out a mail box!  So close.  I am now feeling exactly what my dad felt when he was teaching me.....FEAR!!  I am trying not to show it so she will not feel more scared, but sometimes a shriek or scream comes out.  She is happy to be driving, but I wonder how long it will take for her to learn?? Not sure how much more of this my nerves will take!! haha

Psalms 5:11 says, "But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy.  Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you."

Love to all,

fun times rolling on

Today I prepare for my camping trip with my GUUURLS!!! Girl Scout troop 799 is camping out this weekend and we are hosting a brownie troop!!  We are going to be hiking, outdoor cooking and of course crafts!!  Well, one of the things the girls want to do is to only use our camp names.  Camp names are names that reflect you and your personality.  I only hope I can remember everyone's name!!  Mine is crafty. And Beth, my co-leader is ziplock.  Well at least I have one down.
My girl scouts always take my mind off of the everyday troubles.  We have so much fun in whatever we are doing.  We can be just sitting around, shooting the breeze and still be having fun.  Our troop has some of the best girls in it.  They are growing up so fast.  Some of them are like my own children.  I have been with one since she was in the 5th grade (5 yrs) and another for 4 yrs and yet 2 others for 3 yrs.
Well, I have packed my hat since I still can't tolerate the cold to much on my head!!  But I also have my bandanna.  You see, we wear these to keep the bugs and ticks out of our hair.  I shouldn't have to much trouble in that department!!
I am sure to tell you all about our adventures this weekend with pictures!!
My prayer is that we have a great weekend, with great weather.  Last year it rained with thunderstorms!!

Love to all,

Psalms 140: 4
 Keep me safe, Lord, from the hands of the wicked;

protect me from the violent,

who devise ways to trip my feet.

procrastinator, that's me

As I am getting ready to start my homework and study for my test this week, I am blogging!! Yes, I am putting it off for now.  I will get to it in a few minutes.  I just want to share with all my blogger friends....I have lost 10 pounds!!!  I guess all that counting calories and yoga is working!! So I need to keep it up.  Momma wants a new dress!!  Erin, my fashion coordinator, says she will help me pick one out.

Well, as I am procrastinating this morning, I have watched a sermon online to prepare my heart for the day.  Then I read a testimony from someone about prayer.  He said "Sometimes it seems God knows that if we are on the inside track to the plans He has, we seem to back out or miss them altogether. So He does the most logical thing (or for me the most frustrating) and doesn’t tell us everything. Sometimes God tells us and we still don’t really get it."  
I know God hasn't revealed everything to me, He knows me all to well.  And I know God has given me a little of what he wants, and I don't understand at times.  This is when I need to just trust and follow.

I am trying to keep a positive outlook on my recovery and I am almost done.  I am in the home stretch as some would say.  But the devil is attacking me from all sides.  With the bills coming in, with the doubt placed in my heart about healing, with the fear that my cancer will return or isn't totally gone,with the weariness of just still being "sick" even though I am starting to heal. With still having pain which I attribute to neuropathy in my feet and my hip, reminds me everyday that I am not 100%.

But I pray and take joy that God will help through each day. I may be a little tense and grumpy these last few weeks, and I apologize to all my friends and family about that.  I resolve to be better, to wake up in a positive attitude and live each day joyfully.  I take joy in: the 10 pounds lost!!, in my new hair!!, in Rob who supports me and loves me!!, in Erin who is trying to find me a new dress!!, in Tyler who listens to my advice!! (or makes me think he does :)) In all my parents who support me in more ways than one.  

HMM, when I look at it from that joy, I see I have a lot and the attacks don't mean a thing!!

"In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy", Philippians 1:4








Love to all,

a little peeved

So this morning, early, like 8:45, I get a phone call.  I usually don't answer our home phone and screen them by the answering machine.  I figure the ones with my cell will call me on my cell if they really need to talk to me.  The others are probably trying to sell me something or get money from me.  Well, I should have let it go, but I answered it.  It was a lady who started out by saying that she wanted me to donate to their cause to help women who are fighting breast cancer pay their bills and help them out with money.  I politely told her that I couldn't help and that I, too was fighting breast cancer.  She hung up.
Ok, this really gets to me and I know it shouldn't.  BUT WHERE ARE THOSE PEOPLE WHEN I NEED HELP.  WHERE IS MY HELP???  I shouldn't be this way, but it really upset me.  I never really paid attention to things like this until now.  Those people who call pay no mind to the other person they are calling and what they are going through.  IT is only about them getting their money.  and it doesn't have to be about cancer, it can be anything like March of Dimes or Special olympics.  I wonder if those calls to those people spark a tear when they get a call to donate.
I should say that I do have help. First is with God. He pulls me through everyday.  Second is Rob and the kids.  They make me laugh and keep me grounded.  Third is my family.  I could not get through this without my parents and my in-laws!  They have strength beyond what I have and I know it is leaking onto me!
And last but not least is my friends.  Without your encouragement, I would be a hopeless mess!

I am almost done with all my treatments.  The treatment I get every 3 weeks is still chemo but it doesn't make me sick (only the bills do!).  I will be done in July and I am looking forward to my life with out cancer!

Thank you all for your prayers and support.
Philippians 4:13 "I can do all this through Christ who gives me strength."

Love to all,

I'm forgetting something...

It seems that I am forgetting a lot lately!!  I sometimes feel like my patients, confused.  This thing I read about, Chemo brain, must be true.  But I I don't want to use it as a excuse for not doing things that I have said I would do.
So I keep my post-it notes close by and write down what I need to do in hopes that my loss of memory won't get the the best of me.
My nephew said he thinks it is hereditary because my brother (his dad), my dad and my mom all have it. Well I have to leave out my mom because she has "chemo brain" too.  But my brother and dad all write on post-its to remember.
I'M DOOMED!
As I am starting my class today, I just hope that my memory doesn't leave me.  I am going to need all the help I can get!
Proverbs 3: 5-6 " Trust in the LORD with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

Love to all,

Reminders

Today is no exception of the reminders cancer sends to me. As I sit in the chair here at Louisville Oncology for my infusion treatment, I am once again reminded of my cancer treatment. I have daily reminders like no hair, out of shape (yoga is kicking me into shape...day 4 today!!), having to ask my doctors if I can get a flu shot or vaccine and the list can continue.  But I will not let this bring me down! I am just beginning my new life chapter. Rob and the kids keep me in realty and I can assure you, no special treatment!  I will keep my positive attitude, thank you, and wish all of your (to cancer) negative reminders BE GONE.

verse of the day is a reminder of what I have been promised:"Truly,truly I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgement, but has passed from death to life." John 5:24

Love to all,

My new look

As I go out now, I am starting to realize that other people are taking notice of my new hair.  It's not that I mind, but it seems that when I am talking to someone or out in public, people are looking at my head.  When I wore the hats and scarves, it seems I didn't notice it or that no one really cared to look.  But now, my head draws attention to me.  Not sure if I like it, but I have to get use to it.

I guess this is God's way of my conversation starter for some.  I am comfortable with talking about my cancer and what has happened, but others may not be so comfortable with it.  

So as I deal with my insecurities and trials everyday, I asked God to give me a word in church today.  Funny how God will answer your question.  You may not like what his answer is or what he says, but he will answer you nevertheless.  Today, I got it.  I just want to share it with you.

My word didn't come from the sermon of Pastor Andy in Matthew 5, but came from the next page in my Bible in Matthew 6.  As my eyes wondered over the scripture, this particular verse caught my eye and spoke deep in my soul.  Matthew 6:25 Jesus says this: "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"

As I read this, "do not be anxious", I think, I am so worried about work, the kids, money, bills and my list can go on and on and on..... But here God is telling me He has it all covered if I just let him.  If I just have faith and trust in Him. As a human, a sinner, my faith and trust comes and goes but God knows this and this is why he gave me His word, the Bible. To help me, guide me. So I need to trust in Him more and give it up to him and I will have peace.

Well Pastor Andy, your sermon didn't go unnoticed today.  God added onto my sermon in my heart.  You asked a question that just hit the very pit of my being today.  Does my faith in Jesus transform me (work in me) from the inside out?  In order for this to happen daily, I need to constantly keep my faith in God and as James 4:11 says, "Humble ourselves before the Lord and He will exalt you," 

So as I go on my daily life of worries and hardships, even though the tough part of cancer seems to be over, I give it all to God and put my trust in him, knowing that he will guide me and my family and provide for us. 

Love to all,

Is it hot in here???

Well, I love summer time and the hot weather.  But these hot flashes I don't like.  They come up at times when you least expect it.  I could be having a conversation and all of a sudden, BAM! A hot flash.  I get red in the face, and people take notice.  Then it goes away, only to happen again, and again.
The really best part (hear the sarcasm?) is when I am trying to sleep and I wake up sweating!! I am the cold one, always with 10 covers on me.  Not anymore.  The dogs love it that I put off so much heat.  They get to stay warm when they snuggle with me!!
Well, Dr. Hargis said he threw me into early menopause with the chemotherapy and now my daily medication I have to take.  Be careful out there what you ask for. I use to say,"I welcome it to come"  Now I know I didn't know what I was asking for. But that is all good. I know this will pass, just not soon enough. One a positive note, at least it is winter time and not summer.  These hot flashes would not be too fun in the summer!!
It is so funny that I was watching an episode of sex and the city. One of the characters has breast cancer and she was going through early menopause and having the sweats.  I don't have it as bad as they portray her to be but I feel like she looks.  It's nice to be able to laugh at something and know it is just a stage in my life. A chapter that is starting because the previous one closed.
God continually blesses me each day.  My hair is growing still!! I am finding my energy!!  I am trying to exercise and get back into shape. I am enjoying my life!!

Mark 11:22-24: "And Jesus answered them, Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, Be taken up and thrown into the sea, and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

My mountain has moved so I can move onto better things in my life. I have learned so much from the experience and have grown so much.  Now onto the next mountain!

Love to all,

amazed at myself

I continue to amaze myself sometimes.  I mean, I may appear to have a lot of confidence in myself but when something tragic happens it tends to change your perspective on yourself and how you think other people see you.
Since I have started my journey with cancer, it has really taught me to look at what I value in life.  I am not talking about the things like family, God, love, because that I know and will not change.
I am talking about how you look at yourself and what is around you. When this first started, my biggest concern and fear was how I was going to look.  If you all remember, my fear was about loosing my hair.  Well I survived the hair loss and it is growing back.  Now I find myself hiding behind the hats and scarves that when I make a decision to go without it, that REALLY FRIGHTENS ME!!.
I took that first scary step yesterday.  I went to work and went head naked! At least for the first part of the night, because my head got cold and needed my hat back.  But I did it.  You cannot believe how scared and nervous I was, (and still am thinking about doing it again). Just think how you feel going on a huge roller coaster for the first time and that fear in the pit of your stomach and trying not to throw up!! That is me.
But I am so glad that I did it.  You see I was introduced to a lady yesterday, a patient, who is battling her breast and lung cancer.  We talked about our treatments and what we have in common.  It is just she has been fighting a lot longer than I have.  I praise God and thank him for giving me great doctors and nurses to care for me and for his healing hand on my life. He reminds me everyday that I am his child and he is caring for me.
I hope and pray that this lady is comforted and I gave her a little good for that short time we spoke.
So I continue to fight the fear of this cancer drawing attention to me.  I don't like to draw attention to myself.  But as I saw yesterday, God may want some attention shed on me to show His work in my life and illness.  I guess I will just have to get use to it and pray for strength to deal with it.  For the right words to say when others ask about my hair and to help them feel comfortable when I give them my answer.
Thanks to all my friends for giving me positive words, encouragment and confidence to go on each day.  I know I can always count on each of you for those uplifting words.
I am going to continue to be brave and go hatless as much as I can.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Love to all,

It is finished

It is finished, for the most part. Chemo done November 13, 2012.  Radiation completed January 23, 2013.  I will be totally done with all treatment in July 2013.

At my last radiation treatment, I got to ring the bell.  I never knew what that bell meant every day that I walked passed it.  But on Wednesday, I found out.  It represents  the end to the treatment but also a new beginning.  The plaque states: "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.  Smile- this is one of those moments!"  The bell plaque says: Ring this bell three times well. Its toll to clearly say, My treatment's done, this course is run and I am on my way!
The girls at the radiation center (and guys!) are terrific!! They are so good at keeping this as normal as possible (if that is possible) by talking about their families, boy scouts, letting Erin come and watch twice and showing her the "ropes".

But I take celebration in the fact that I don't have to get up early in the morning every day (I am not a morning person!!) and that I am not feeling sick.  And the tiredness is slowly going away.  My armpit is healing and my hair is growing back!!
So the reminders this terribly cancer has given me that I see and experience everyday, is going, going, going soon to be gone!
I actually shaved my legs for the first time!!!  I like normal.  I want normal back and it is coming.

I praise God that he has gotten me through this ordeal to the other side. It has drawn me closer to him.  Sometimes it takes the storms to see what God can do for you.  HE has done amazing works in me and I know He will continue to do them.
So for those out there going through storms yourself (and you know who you are), I continue to pray for your health, strength, endurance and faith with God, He will take you through it to the other side.

1 Corinthians 14:15, "What am I to do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will pray with my mind also; I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also."

Love to all,

AHHH, ALOE AND LIDOCAINE

Let me explain.  Well with radiation, comes burn.  Like a sunburn that burns all the time.  So comes the aloe. Now if your burn is in your armpit and your clothes, bra etc keeps rubbing it, then comes in the lidocaine in the aloe.  Yup that's what I said, in my armpit.  The bummer is that my clothes rub it and my skin wants to stick together.
So I walk around all day with my arm sticking out or my hand on my hip (like I got attitude!!) to keep it from rubbing and sticking together.  I look really cool.  And when I sleep, I sleep with my arm out or over my head.  And if I have to turn, you have to do this very carefully, because your shirt your sleeping in will get twisted and caught all up in your armpit and rub.  I bet you never knew all this happens when you sleep???Fun-times!

The good, positive to take away.......wait for it....wait for it....
I ONLY HAVE 7 MORE TREATMENTS!!!! Yes guys, WE MADE IT TO THE END!!!

Next Wednesday the 23rd is my last one.  I am so glad this is going to be done with!! I have already made plans for my "new" life outside of doctors office and visits and treatments. More to come with this in the future.

Thank you all for helping me pull through this.  I can't say it enough how much you mean to me. It has kept me sane and keeping me with a positive outlook on life.

Today's verse is awesome:
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

Love to all,

all things possible

The disciples asked Jesus, "who then can be saved?", But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."  Matthew 19:25-26

I take heart and cherish this promise. All things are possible with God.
I am on day 18 of my radiation treatments.  I only have 12 more left.  It is starting to take a toil.  I am now feeling the fatigue as I was told.  It seems that half way through my day, I am
really tired. I don't like it.  I am now needing naps, like a little girl!! Well hopefully it won't be much worse.
I am also getting the skin side effects of radiation too.  The lotion they gave me is helping some.  The skin irritation could be alot worse.


So yesterday I must have been overly tired.  I didn't want get out of bed. Then I just got teary eyed because I felt like I was lazy. So I took my advice that I give Erin, and cried a little.  Sometimes a girl just has to cry a little.  So now I am better and feel better.  I got it all out of my system (at least for this week!).

My hair is growing back and I am so excited!! I can't wait for it to come in.  I think it will still take a while but I know it is coming back!!  And I have lost 3 of the 20 pounds that I gained from chemo!! Things are looking up for me.

Love to all,