amazed at myself

I continue to amaze myself sometimes.  I mean, I may appear to have a lot of confidence in myself but when something tragic happens it tends to change your perspective on yourself and how you think other people see you.
Since I have started my journey with cancer, it has really taught me to look at what I value in life.  I am not talking about the things like family, God, love, because that I know and will not change.
I am talking about how you look at yourself and what is around you. When this first started, my biggest concern and fear was how I was going to look.  If you all remember, my fear was about loosing my hair.  Well I survived the hair loss and it is growing back.  Now I find myself hiding behind the hats and scarves that when I make a decision to go without it, that REALLY FRIGHTENS ME!!.
I took that first scary step yesterday.  I went to work and went head naked! At least for the first part of the night, because my head got cold and needed my hat back.  But I did it.  You cannot believe how scared and nervous I was, (and still am thinking about doing it again). Just think how you feel going on a huge roller coaster for the first time and that fear in the pit of your stomach and trying not to throw up!! That is me.
But I am so glad that I did it.  You see I was introduced to a lady yesterday, a patient, who is battling her breast and lung cancer.  We talked about our treatments and what we have in common.  It is just she has been fighting a lot longer than I have.  I praise God and thank him for giving me great doctors and nurses to care for me and for his healing hand on my life. He reminds me everyday that I am his child and he is caring for me.
I hope and pray that this lady is comforted and I gave her a little good for that short time we spoke.
So I continue to fight the fear of this cancer drawing attention to me.  I don't like to draw attention to myself.  But as I saw yesterday, God may want some attention shed on me to show His work in my life and illness.  I guess I will just have to get use to it and pray for strength to deal with it.  For the right words to say when others ask about my hair and to help them feel comfortable when I give them my answer.
Thanks to all my friends for giving me positive words, encouragment and confidence to go on each day.  I know I can always count on each of you for those uplifting words.
I am going to continue to be brave and go hatless as much as I can.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Love to all,