I got the plan!!

I went to see my oncologist, Dr. Hargis yesterday and he has a plan.  I always plan for the worse but hope for the best.  Well, the worse is gonna happen.  Here's the scoop-de-doop.
I have to get chemo and radiation.  I WILL LOOSE MY HAIR!  I am not to happy about this.  I kinda thought that I would be ok with it.  Erin and I even talked about it a few times about how I would decorate my bald head and Rob even said I should get a tattoo on my head!! He is such a nerd!
But now, I don't know what I feel. I know it is going to be hard to go to work and have every one staring and looking at my big head. And I don't even know what I will say to my patients and their families.  I am here to support them and I don't want them to feel like they need to support me in their times of hurt. I have to see my girls in my girl scout troop.  I don't know how they will react to me.  But I know I feel more comfortable around those girls.  They are a huge support to me and give me fun and laughs all the time!
I know my God will help me through this and put his words on my mouth and tell me what to say.  And it will be perfect!

Well, I get a port placed on Friday in order to receive my chemo.  Then it all starts on Tuesday.  I will receive chemo weekly for 18 weeks then once every 3 weeks for 12 treatments. I calculated up the calendar and the first part will end sometime before Thanksgiving (so I will have hair at Christmas!! yea) and the second part will end sometime in July.  Yes I said July.  This sucks! He said radiation should start sometime in Feb.

For all my nurse friends, here is the description of my cancer from Dr. Hargis:
Type: invasive ductal (most common, means it originated from the milk ducts)
size: 3.7 cm (1.5 in)
lymph nodes: negative
stage: IIA, T2, N0
estrogen receptor: +
HER 2 receptors: +

So the reason for the high dose chemo and my hair falling out, I can thank the HER2 receptors!

In case you all are wondering, I am doing fine. I had a little pity party last night, but I am over it now.
I use to hear about other women (and men) going through cancer and how I would feel or how I would act if it happened to me.  I always thought I would be angry and cry a lot. but I look at it this way. God placed in my heart and told me what I was to expect before I was actually told by the doctors.  I feel this was placed in me so I would be able to accept it and move on to what I need to do.  I knew in my heart that the tumor was malignant before they told me.  I knew I would be having surgery.  I knew I would be having chemo and my hair would fall out.  I knew I would need a port.  I didn't want any of these things to come true and I didn't want to hear the doctors tell me this, but knowing these things, when I was actually told them and they confirmed what I already thought, I was able to hear them and move on.  God is so wonderful and works in so many ways.
I know he is working through me with this.  I have always been taught that God uses the weak to show his amazing power.  Well he picked a good one in me. I sure am weak.  I may not stutter like Moses, or be like David (who killed a man for a woman WOW!) or  a prostitute like Rahab and I could go on and on.  These are the people that God used to show how mighty he is and if I trust Him, he will guide me and my family and I will be blessed a hundred times over and everyone will see how GOOD GOD IS.

So I will leave you with this.  I am accepting what is happening.  I may not like it, but my God has a plan and I am a part in it.  I would always pray, "God please use me in your plan and show me what I am to do and give me courage to do it."  Well, here it is!  I hope I have to courage to be strong and do as God wants me to.
"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2