I can't keep singing the song "Our God is an awesome God, He reigns from Heaven above..."
I saw how awesome God can work yesterday.
I was at Norton Hospital downtown Louisville to have my port inserted for my chemo treatments. Here I am sitting with my mom waiting for my nurse and then my nurse comes in. An angel sent from God. Joyce asks, why are you getting the port. I tell her it is for my chemo from breast cancer. She tells me she had breast cancer, surgery, and chemo.
She was sent to help me understand what I was going through and she answered my questions. ALL MY QUESTIONS.!! You all know I have lots and lots of questions.
Questions like, what am I going to feel like taking chemo. How to control the side affects. About my hair loss. And she even had a wig on and it didn't look like one! It is so amazing how I see God in the little things and he shows up when you don't even expect it!
So now, with the help of my dad and mom, I am going to get a wig. Joyce said her hair didn't start to grow back until after her treatments were done. So this means I will be hairless a lot longer than I thought.
I got in the mail the scrub caps to wear and they are cute, Rob doesn't think so. But how cute can a bald woman be??
The port insertion went good, with the help of a great surgeon and anesthesiologist. Dr. Brown and Dr. Orman did me well. I do hurt, alot. It is on my left chest and I can hardly move my arm right now. But thanks to vicodin, it helps! haha
The kids think my port looks gross. I am sure it does. I guess since I have seen them before, it doesn't bother me.
I am nervous about starting the chemo and what is going to happen once it does. A lot of changes will be happening in the next few weeks. Pray I stay strong. Some days I feel like I will just break, but then I feel all of a sudden my weight is being lifted off my shoulders.
Rob is awesome! Have I said that?? He is so great. I don't know what I would without him. He just hangs in there and listens to me talk and talk. I guess after 23yrs of living with me, he is use to it!
The next step will be my MUGA scan on Monday at Suburban hospital. Then I start chemo on Tuesday at 0830.
Throughout all of this, I am trying to stay strong, in my physical and emotional state as well as in my faith in Christ. I think I am doing good so far. But please remember, as I try to remind myself, I am only human. So please keep a bended knee for me as I do. The next week is going to be my biggest test so far. I am nervous about the unknown and what is going to happen. So as I try to stay strong, I will need HIM to guide me through it as well as all my family and friends. Just knowing all of the support and prayers I have, does help me. As Joyce was sent to me, you all are sent to me. Everyone has a part in the plan of Christ.
"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
Love to all of you!!
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
I got the plan!!
I went to see my oncologist, Dr. Hargis yesterday and he has a plan. I always plan for the worse but hope for the best. Well, the worse is gonna happen. Here's the scoop-de-doop.
I have to get chemo and radiation. I WILL LOOSE MY HAIR! I am not to happy about this. I kinda thought that I would be ok with it. Erin and I even talked about it a few times about how I would decorate my bald head and Rob even said I should get a tattoo on my head!! He is such a nerd!
But now, I don't know what I feel. I know it is going to be hard to go to work and have every one staring and looking at my big head. And I don't even know what I will say to my patients and their families. I am here to support them and I don't want them to feel like they need to support me in their times of hurt. I have to see my girls in my girl scout troop. I don't know how they will react to me. But I know I feel more comfortable around those girls. They are a huge support to me and give me fun and laughs all the time!
I know my God will help me through this and put his words on my mouth and tell me what to say. And it will be perfect!
Well, I get a port placed on Friday in order to receive my chemo. Then it all starts on Tuesday. I will receive chemo weekly for 18 weeks then once every 3 weeks for 12 treatments. I calculated up the calendar and the first part will end sometime before Thanksgiving (so I will have hair at Christmas!! yea) and the second part will end sometime in July. Yes I said July. This sucks! He said radiation should start sometime in Feb.
For all my nurse friends, here is the description of my cancer from Dr. Hargis:
Type: invasive ductal (most common, means it originated from the milk ducts)
size: 3.7 cm (1.5 in)
lymph nodes: negative
stage: IIA, T2, N0
estrogen receptor: +
HER 2 receptors: +
So the reason for the high dose chemo and my hair falling out, I can thank the HER2 receptors!
In case you all are wondering, I am doing fine. I had a little pity party last night, but I am over it now.
I use to hear about other women (and men) going through cancer and how I would feel or how I would act if it happened to me. I always thought I would be angry and cry a lot. but I look at it this way. God placed in my heart and told me what I was to expect before I was actually told by the doctors. I feel this was placed in me so I would be able to accept it and move on to what I need to do. I knew in my heart that the tumor was malignant before they told me. I knew I would be having surgery. I knew I would be having chemo and my hair would fall out. I knew I would need a port. I didn't want any of these things to come true and I didn't want to hear the doctors tell me this, but knowing these things, when I was actually told them and they confirmed what I already thought, I was able to hear them and move on. God is so wonderful and works in so many ways.
I know he is working through me with this. I have always been taught that God uses the weak to show his amazing power. Well he picked a good one in me. I sure am weak. I may not stutter like Moses, or be like David (who killed a man for a woman WOW!) or a prostitute like Rahab and I could go on and on. These are the people that God used to show how mighty he is and if I trust Him, he will guide me and my family and I will be blessed a hundred times over and everyone will see how GOOD GOD IS.
So I will leave you with this. I am accepting what is happening. I may not like it, but my God has a plan and I am a part in it. I would always pray, "God please use me in your plan and show me what I am to do and give me courage to do it." Well, here it is! I hope I have to courage to be strong and do as God wants me to.
"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2
I have to get chemo and radiation. I WILL LOOSE MY HAIR! I am not to happy about this. I kinda thought that I would be ok with it. Erin and I even talked about it a few times about how I would decorate my bald head and Rob even said I should get a tattoo on my head!! He is such a nerd!
But now, I don't know what I feel. I know it is going to be hard to go to work and have every one staring and looking at my big head. And I don't even know what I will say to my patients and their families. I am here to support them and I don't want them to feel like they need to support me in their times of hurt. I have to see my girls in my girl scout troop. I don't know how they will react to me. But I know I feel more comfortable around those girls. They are a huge support to me and give me fun and laughs all the time!
I know my God will help me through this and put his words on my mouth and tell me what to say. And it will be perfect!
Well, I get a port placed on Friday in order to receive my chemo. Then it all starts on Tuesday. I will receive chemo weekly for 18 weeks then once every 3 weeks for 12 treatments. I calculated up the calendar and the first part will end sometime before Thanksgiving (so I will have hair at Christmas!! yea) and the second part will end sometime in July. Yes I said July. This sucks! He said radiation should start sometime in Feb.
For all my nurse friends, here is the description of my cancer from Dr. Hargis:
Type: invasive ductal (most common, means it originated from the milk ducts)
size: 3.7 cm (1.5 in)
lymph nodes: negative
stage: IIA, T2, N0
estrogen receptor: +
HER 2 receptors: +
So the reason for the high dose chemo and my hair falling out, I can thank the HER2 receptors!
In case you all are wondering, I am doing fine. I had a little pity party last night, but I am over it now.
I use to hear about other women (and men) going through cancer and how I would feel or how I would act if it happened to me. I always thought I would be angry and cry a lot. but I look at it this way. God placed in my heart and told me what I was to expect before I was actually told by the doctors. I feel this was placed in me so I would be able to accept it and move on to what I need to do. I knew in my heart that the tumor was malignant before they told me. I knew I would be having surgery. I knew I would be having chemo and my hair would fall out. I knew I would need a port. I didn't want any of these things to come true and I didn't want to hear the doctors tell me this, but knowing these things, when I was actually told them and they confirmed what I already thought, I was able to hear them and move on. God is so wonderful and works in so many ways.
I know he is working through me with this. I have always been taught that God uses the weak to show his amazing power. Well he picked a good one in me. I sure am weak. I may not stutter like Moses, or be like David (who killed a man for a woman WOW!) or a prostitute like Rahab and I could go on and on. These are the people that God used to show how mighty he is and if I trust Him, he will guide me and my family and I will be blessed a hundred times over and everyone will see how GOOD GOD IS.
So I will leave you with this. I am accepting what is happening. I may not like it, but my God has a plan and I am a part in it. I would always pray, "God please use me in your plan and show me what I am to do and give me courage to do it." Well, here it is! I hope I have to courage to be strong and do as God wants me to.
"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2
Friday, July 20, 2012
Back to work!
Well, I am officially back to work. First, I would like to say a HUGE THANK YOU to all my friends at St. Joe and NBH. You all made it so easy to come back to work. Your support and love is awesome!
So now, I am back to work. And I do have to say that it really kicked my butt! Not that I got tired or wore out. We were so busy! I couldn't have a "easy"night when I came back. NOOOOOO, It had to be a really chaotic night, all 4 nights!
But I am glad to be back.
So update: I go see the oncologist on Tuesday at 1 pm. He will tell me then what my course of treatment will be, which will be chemo and radiation or just radiation.
I just want to say thanks to my parents for hosting our family cookout/reunion this past Sunday. It was great and HOT!! TEveryone got to meet Tyler's girlfriend Selena and Erin's friend Ashleigh. It was great to see everyone, since we don't get to see each other except on holidays or when something goes wrong!! Isn't that usually the way it goes when everyone grows up and moves away. It is sad that it is that hard to get with your family. I think that is the only good reason I like facebook! I can stay connected with everyone, no matter where they live.
On one last note, I know God works in His weird ways! I witnessed it last night. Just to keep it short, a friend that I work with went home early from work last night sick. When she got home, her husband went into cardiac arrest and she had to do cpr on him. It is so devastating to think what could have happened if she stayed at work and didn't go home sick. It also saddens me to think what she had to go through last night. I want everyone to pray for her and her family. She has had such a hard time the last few years and I just want her to see the end of the tunnel soon and not have any worries. And through all of her troubles, she keeps a smile and happy attitude. I have learned much from this awesome lady!
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say Rejoice." Phillipians 4:4
So now, I am back to work. And I do have to say that it really kicked my butt! Not that I got tired or wore out. We were so busy! I couldn't have a "easy"night when I came back. NOOOOOO, It had to be a really chaotic night, all 4 nights!
But I am glad to be back.
So update: I go see the oncologist on Tuesday at 1 pm. He will tell me then what my course of treatment will be, which will be chemo and radiation or just radiation.
I just want to say thanks to my parents for hosting our family cookout/reunion this past Sunday. It was great and HOT!! TEveryone got to meet Tyler's girlfriend Selena and Erin's friend Ashleigh. It was great to see everyone, since we don't get to see each other except on holidays or when something goes wrong!! Isn't that usually the way it goes when everyone grows up and moves away. It is sad that it is that hard to get with your family. I think that is the only good reason I like facebook! I can stay connected with everyone, no matter where they live.
On one last note, I know God works in His weird ways! I witnessed it last night. Just to keep it short, a friend that I work with went home early from work last night sick. When she got home, her husband went into cardiac arrest and she had to do cpr on him. It is so devastating to think what could have happened if she stayed at work and didn't go home sick. It also saddens me to think what she had to go through last night. I want everyone to pray for her and her family. She has had such a hard time the last few years and I just want her to see the end of the tunnel soon and not have any worries. And through all of her troubles, she keeps a smile and happy attitude. I have learned much from this awesome lady!
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say Rejoice." Phillipians 4:4
Friday, July 13, 2012
Trying to get back to "normal"
Well, I'm trying to get everything back to normal. So far, doing a ok job.
I received my return to work release from Dr. Brown and he had on there "no restrictions". So if I don't have any, I thought I would try running on the treadmill. I did for about 10 minutes and it felt so awesome!!!
That was yesterday. Today, I thought I would be so sore but I'm not. Thank goodness.
Now to tackle the next feat. Sleep. I have been having trouble sleeping. I think it is my body telling me that we are ready to get back to night shift schedule and get back to work!! I got some ZZZQuil and I'm gonna try it tonight to see if it works any. I'll let you know if it is worth buying!
I may need it because Erin is having a friend over and she will probably be up all night!!
I am feeling so much better. I am in better spirits since I went to visit work and drop off some papers for HR on Wednesday. It was nice to see everyone. As much as I kid about wanting to quit work, I don't think I could. I miss work and the friends I have made to much. So you all are stuck with me!!
So my mind and spirit is better and my body is mending. I am learning patience in waiting knowing that it is all in God's time. Why rush?? My oncology doctor visit is on the 24th and then we will have a plan (hopefully). My Bible verse of the day is this:
Romans 5:1-5
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that sufferings produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
Love you you all!!
I received my return to work release from Dr. Brown and he had on there "no restrictions". So if I don't have any, I thought I would try running on the treadmill. I did for about 10 minutes and it felt so awesome!!!
That was yesterday. Today, I thought I would be so sore but I'm not. Thank goodness.
Now to tackle the next feat. Sleep. I have been having trouble sleeping. I think it is my body telling me that we are ready to get back to night shift schedule and get back to work!! I got some ZZZQuil and I'm gonna try it tonight to see if it works any. I'll let you know if it is worth buying!
I may need it because Erin is having a friend over and she will probably be up all night!!
I am feeling so much better. I am in better spirits since I went to visit work and drop off some papers for HR on Wednesday. It was nice to see everyone. As much as I kid about wanting to quit work, I don't think I could. I miss work and the friends I have made to much. So you all are stuck with me!!
So my mind and spirit is better and my body is mending. I am learning patience in waiting knowing that it is all in God's time. Why rush?? My oncology doctor visit is on the 24th and then we will have a plan (hopefully). My Bible verse of the day is this:
Romans 5:1-5
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that sufferings produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
Love you you all!!
Saturday, July 7, 2012
bending not breaking
Today I remembered I forgot to ask Dr. Brown something when I was in his office on Thursday: when it would be ok for me to start running on my treadmill again. So I went to the internet! I found some sites and blogs that other women commented on and here is what I found out.
I can't right now : ( bummer
I found a lot of good advice like:
-just brisk walking right now. One woman started running too soon after her lumpectomy and got really sore from it.
-when you walk, don't swing your affected arm, put your hand on your hip to prevent it and it keeps you from rubbing your skin.
- wear a cami with a bra in it at first. Now I understand that I am not the only one who can't wear a bra. Then move onto a sports bra
-do arm exercises on the affected side to prevent edema. I just got these the other day so I guess I need to start on them.
-don't lay on the affected side. Oops. already did.
-stretch my arm and exercise through radiation to keep my skin stretched out. (EWWW) I am starting to think this radiation is a bad thing!!
- I am not the only person going through this or have gone through this!! (best advice)
So I walked on my treadmill today for 30 minutes. It was so BORING!! I want to run, not walk, but I guess it is better than just sitting on the couch being bored. And the hardest part was to walk with my hand on my hip. OMG! This is so abnormal way to walk. But I do have to say it helped keep me from rubbing my incision site.
While I was walking and listening to my ipod, I heard a song that when you listen to the words, it is so true to me right now. It is called He Said by Group 1 Crew. One part in it goes like this:
"I won't give you more, more than you can take.
I may let you bend, but I won't let you break. don't forget what He Said"
This is so true. I feel the bend right now and sometimes I feel like I am breaking (last night one of those times!) but I know He won't let that happen. Jesus is always there to pick me up or hold me (which is another great song BTW by Jaime Grace!!).
So right now I am just going to walk and be patient and just bend with what comes my way. I will get through whatever comes. I am realizing this each day, so by the time I get to the real heavy duty stuff coming up, I know I will be standing!!
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding:
in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight".
Love you
I can't right now : ( bummer
I found a lot of good advice like:
-just brisk walking right now. One woman started running too soon after her lumpectomy and got really sore from it.
-when you walk, don't swing your affected arm, put your hand on your hip to prevent it and it keeps you from rubbing your skin.
- wear a cami with a bra in it at first. Now I understand that I am not the only one who can't wear a bra. Then move onto a sports bra
-do arm exercises on the affected side to prevent edema. I just got these the other day so I guess I need to start on them.
-don't lay on the affected side. Oops. already did.
-stretch my arm and exercise through radiation to keep my skin stretched out. (EWWW) I am starting to think this radiation is a bad thing!!
- I am not the only person going through this or have gone through this!! (best advice)
So I walked on my treadmill today for 30 minutes. It was so BORING!! I want to run, not walk, but I guess it is better than just sitting on the couch being bored. And the hardest part was to walk with my hand on my hip. OMG! This is so abnormal way to walk. But I do have to say it helped keep me from rubbing my incision site.
While I was walking and listening to my ipod, I heard a song that when you listen to the words, it is so true to me right now. It is called He Said by Group 1 Crew. One part in it goes like this:
"I won't give you more, more than you can take.
I may let you bend, but I won't let you break. don't forget what He Said"
This is so true. I feel the bend right now and sometimes I feel like I am breaking (last night one of those times!) but I know He won't let that happen. Jesus is always there to pick me up or hold me (which is another great song BTW by Jaime Grace!!).
So right now I am just going to walk and be patient and just bend with what comes my way. I will get through whatever comes. I am realizing this each day, so by the time I get to the real heavy duty stuff coming up, I know I will be standing!!
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding:
in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight".
Love you
Friday, July 6, 2012
hurry up and wait game
Well this morning the nurse from Dr. Brown's office called me with my scheduled appt's with the oncologist and radiologist. I see them on the 24th and the 31st!! I thought I was suppose to get in ASAP per Dr. Brown but I guess this is another MD game and their ASAP is 3 weeks!! God is really trying to teach me through all this, I just hope I pass his test.
I also learned how to talk with the insurance lady by phone. I don't think she speaks "Autumn". I mean it only took Rob, let's see we have been married almost 23 yrs, so he is still learning my language!! But I think we have it all figured out so I can at least get my paycheck.
So now I am just waiting......waiting to start work (which my release date is the 15th), waiting for my doctors appts.....then waiting on what treatment I am suppose to have.
waiting....waiting.....waiting.....
The only good thing that is worth waiting is our family picnic coming up on the 15th!!! I can't wait to see everyone!!
Love to all
I also learned how to talk with the insurance lady by phone. I don't think she speaks "Autumn". I mean it only took Rob, let's see we have been married almost 23 yrs, so he is still learning my language!! But I think we have it all figured out so I can at least get my paycheck.
So now I am just waiting......waiting to start work (which my release date is the 15th), waiting for my doctors appts.....then waiting on what treatment I am suppose to have.
waiting....waiting.....waiting.....
The only good thing that is worth waiting is our family picnic coming up on the 15th!!! I can't wait to see everyone!!
Love to all
Thursday, July 5, 2012
the next step
I went to see Dr. Brown for my followup visit post surgery today. He didn't really tell me anything new. He went over my pathology report again and told me the nodes are negative for cancer, my margins are clear but the tumor which we thought was 1.8 cm was actually 3.7 cm. He took some of the tissue around the tumor which totaled 5.1cm taken!! No wonder I had a big dent! haha
I am still feeling the stress of it all and the thought of I HAVE BREAST CANCER. It is unbelievable! It feels like I will wake up and life will be normal again, but I know that will come later, normal life I mean.
What is the next step you ask??? Well I am waiting (doctors seem to like keeping you waiting) for my appt with the medical oncologist Dr. Hargis and my radiologist Dr. Cornett. It appears I may have to receive chemotherapy in addition to radiation because of my age and the size of the tumor. But I won't know anything more until I meet with the oncologist. Just keep checking my blog for updates and I will try to keep it uplifting as God is lifting me up in faith. That is why I called this outstanding faith. Because with all that is going on in my life and Rob's life, we have outstanding faith that God will carry us through this valley and guide us in the direction we need to be. He is walking with us all the way and sometimes carries me.
Love you all
I am still feeling the stress of it all and the thought of I HAVE BREAST CANCER. It is unbelievable! It feels like I will wake up and life will be normal again, but I know that will come later, normal life I mean.
What is the next step you ask??? Well I am waiting (doctors seem to like keeping you waiting) for my appt with the medical oncologist Dr. Hargis and my radiologist Dr. Cornett. It appears I may have to receive chemotherapy in addition to radiation because of my age and the size of the tumor. But I won't know anything more until I meet with the oncologist. Just keep checking my blog for updates and I will try to keep it uplifting as God is lifting me up in faith. That is why I called this outstanding faith. Because with all that is going on in my life and Rob's life, we have outstanding faith that God will carry us through this valley and guide us in the direction we need to be. He is walking with us all the way and sometimes carries me.
Love you all
How to tell someone you have cancer
There is really no way to tell someone you have cancer. I kept saying it over in my mind how I would tell my parents, Rob, my kids, my friends. It was hard. So when Rob got home, I told him what the doctor said about my biopsy and what the nurse navigator said. He was like me, kinda already knew it. It didn't shock him as much.
Then I called my parents. How do you tell your mom whose is a breast cancer survivor that her daughter has breast cancer. So when I called them, I just said, "my biopsy is positive for cancer". It was like a shock wave hit us. The same reaction came when I told everyone else in my family. It was hard having to repeat the same story over and over but I had to tell them personally. By the time I got done saying it about 5 times, I was totally drained.
Then I had to tell my friends. I think this was the hardest. Just because I didn't know how they would react or what they would say. I mean, with my family, I kinda knew how they would react. I knew they would be upset and tell me they love me and all of that. But with my friends, I didn't know what our conversation would end up being and most of it I told them in person. So trying not to cry while at work, telling them was really hard. So I just decided to come out and say it "I have been diagnosed with breast cancer". The response of love and help was so overwhelming to me. You know you have friends but when something like this happens and the support comes out by cards, texting, emails, it is overwhelming. It has kept me going each day with all the positive encouragement being sent.
Most days, I just get so tired of talking or texting people. But I know they will understand if I don't answer the phone or answer them back. It is so draining to just sit around the house with not being able to do much, tired from all the pain meds, and all I can think about is I have breast cancer!
God has sent me many angels to help support me in my physical world.
On Tuesday, I got the news that my nodes were negative for cancer but the tumor was bigger than he thought it was. It was doubled in size!! Dr. Brown said I may need chemo with radiation too. I just cried. I don't want to get it but if this is the road I have to take, then I will. Just then, 5 minutes after the phone call, God sent my angel. Missy, my lifetime friend since we were babies. She gave me so much encouragement and love that by the time we were done talking, my stress and being upset was gone. And she continues to send me hugs and kisses all the way from South Carolina!!
I could not have gotten this far with out going insane or loosing my mind without my family and friends. My support system is so big and I didn't realize it until I broke the news to everyone. People from high school, work (both jobs), church and family all there holding my hand and lifting my spirits each day. God has truly blessed me in my life and I feel HIS love through each and every one of you.
Then I called my parents. How do you tell your mom whose is a breast cancer survivor that her daughter has breast cancer. So when I called them, I just said, "my biopsy is positive for cancer". It was like a shock wave hit us. The same reaction came when I told everyone else in my family. It was hard having to repeat the same story over and over but I had to tell them personally. By the time I got done saying it about 5 times, I was totally drained.
Then I had to tell my friends. I think this was the hardest. Just because I didn't know how they would react or what they would say. I mean, with my family, I kinda knew how they would react. I knew they would be upset and tell me they love me and all of that. But with my friends, I didn't know what our conversation would end up being and most of it I told them in person. So trying not to cry while at work, telling them was really hard. So I just decided to come out and say it "I have been diagnosed with breast cancer". The response of love and help was so overwhelming to me. You know you have friends but when something like this happens and the support comes out by cards, texting, emails, it is overwhelming. It has kept me going each day with all the positive encouragement being sent.
Most days, I just get so tired of talking or texting people. But I know they will understand if I don't answer the phone or answer them back. It is so draining to just sit around the house with not being able to do much, tired from all the pain meds, and all I can think about is I have breast cancer!
God has sent me many angels to help support me in my physical world.
On Tuesday, I got the news that my nodes were negative for cancer but the tumor was bigger than he thought it was. It was doubled in size!! Dr. Brown said I may need chemo with radiation too. I just cried. I don't want to get it but if this is the road I have to take, then I will. Just then, 5 minutes after the phone call, God sent my angel. Missy, my lifetime friend since we were babies. She gave me so much encouragement and love that by the time we were done talking, my stress and being upset was gone. And she continues to send me hugs and kisses all the way from South Carolina!!
I could not have gotten this far with out going insane or loosing my mind without my family and friends. My support system is so big and I didn't realize it until I broke the news to everyone. People from high school, work (both jobs), church and family all there holding my hand and lifting my spirits each day. God has truly blessed me in my life and I feel HIS love through each and every one of you.
Finally, surgery day
Surgery day. June 27th. I had to be at the hospital at 11:30 am for my preop testing and procedures. Yes a lumpectomy has preop procedures.
They first started my IV which I have to say was not painful because the nurses numb up your hand first!! I think ALL nurses should push for this in all of our patients. It helped so much!! She also gave me a valium!! I guess I looked really stressed. I know I was. I had been having GI symptoms and low appetite since all this started. I think I will be needing a GI doctor after all this over to make sure I don't have an ulcer!
Well after the IV, I was taken to the mammogram suite and the doctor there proceeded to place a wire, yes I said wire, in my right breast to pinpoint the tumor for surgery. He numbed me up pretty good, because I didn't feel it even though I thought I did at times.
Back to the preop room and more family coming in to visit. I tried to warn the staff there that my family was big, but they just laughed it off. Now they know I was serious. I had a total of 13 people waiting for me to come out of surgery. My family is awesome. While waiting, Dr. Brown stopped by and said he had to inject the dye to see where the sentenial node was from my tumor. He did it right there! Another shot in my breast!!! WOW is all I can say.
Now off to surgery.
I got over onto the table and the lady, I guess she was the nurse anesthesiologist, was very nice. She told me all the meds I was going to get. Good meds!! Then the mask came on my face and the next thing I know, I am being woke up in the recovery room. I can't tell you how great it was to see a nurse I used to work with there. She had me laughing even though I was still groggy, and eased my mind. The power of friendship is hard to describe but the power it has to comfort is overwhelming.
I stayed a little while there and got up in a chair then Rob took me home. That's it. At least all I can remember. Next blog, telling family about cancer.
They first started my IV which I have to say was not painful because the nurses numb up your hand first!! I think ALL nurses should push for this in all of our patients. It helped so much!! She also gave me a valium!! I guess I looked really stressed. I know I was. I had been having GI symptoms and low appetite since all this started. I think I will be needing a GI doctor after all this over to make sure I don't have an ulcer!
Well after the IV, I was taken to the mammogram suite and the doctor there proceeded to place a wire, yes I said wire, in my right breast to pinpoint the tumor for surgery. He numbed me up pretty good, because I didn't feel it even though I thought I did at times.
Back to the preop room and more family coming in to visit. I tried to warn the staff there that my family was big, but they just laughed it off. Now they know I was serious. I had a total of 13 people waiting for me to come out of surgery. My family is awesome. While waiting, Dr. Brown stopped by and said he had to inject the dye to see where the sentenial node was from my tumor. He did it right there! Another shot in my breast!!! WOW is all I can say.
Now off to surgery.
I got over onto the table and the lady, I guess she was the nurse anesthesiologist, was very nice. She told me all the meds I was going to get. Good meds!! Then the mask came on my face and the next thing I know, I am being woke up in the recovery room. I can't tell you how great it was to see a nurse I used to work with there. She had me laughing even though I was still groggy, and eased my mind. The power of friendship is hard to describe but the power it has to comfort is overwhelming.
I stayed a little while there and got up in a chair then Rob took me home. That's it. At least all I can remember. Next blog, telling family about cancer.
Start of a new journey
Well as most of you know, my family and I have taken a new journey in our life. It is called cancer. Breast cancer to be exact. I will tell you my story and the update from today at the end. Keep reading my posts, which I hope to do periodically, for you all to stay updated, but for me also to have a way to get things out in the open and off my chest.
Well it all started June 1st. I had a mammogram and it looked suspicious so they had me come back for a repeat. Which has happened to me many times before but on the repeat it didn't look good. So on this day, my wonderful husband Rob drove me back to the center for a biopsy.
It took 6 days to get back the results which showed positive for cancer. I kinda already thought this in my mind and the words the doctor was saying to me on the phone just confirmed my feelings. It was like my brain was in a cloud. I didn't know what to think but only "what is next".
Immediately the nurse navigator called me to help me through all the information and tell me what to expect and what to do. We set up my appt with the surgeon.
I saw Dr. Brown on June 12th. He gave the pathology report and explained it to me and Rob but the words just kept swimming around in my head. Words like cancer, insitu, ductal, grade2, stage 1. I didn't know what any of this meant. Dr. Brown and his office is so great and helpful. The even gave me a huge bag of patient education materials for me to read!! He said the next step was to get a MRI.
MRI experience:
June 19th. I had the MRI. Let me back track to June 18th, the night before. I decided it was time for me to read and go through ALL of the education materials that night that Dr. Brown has given me. The material gave me websites to go on for more information. Knowing the nurse I am, you know I did just that. And knowing a nurse, we want all the information we can get. So YES I did. I watched videos. First is just started out seeing what the MRI experience would be like, then it turned into watching videos of a lumpectomy, tumor biopsy. I stopped there. I figured that was enough for now.
So now I was "informed" of my MRI and other things also! I went to my MRI and one of my special friends met me there to help me through this. The MRI was so weird. I had to lay on my stomach and put my "boobs" in these holes. It took 45 minutes of them telling me, "don't move", "were almost done". It felt like an eternity. Now all I have to do is wait again!!
I got the results the very next day!! How astonishing! I wasn't expecting to hear from them for at least a week. They said it didn't look like it had any changes and my next step was to schedule my surgery.
I got that scheduled (as I told the lady) for the first available!! She got me in on the schedule for a week later, June 27th. I didn't care where it was going to be at or what time, I just wanted this to be over. So I had it scheduled at Suburban Hospital at 3 pm. I had to stay NPO (nothing to eat or drink) from midnight til surgery!! I knew I could do it. I know I just couldn't wait anymore to get this cancer out of my body!!
Well it all started June 1st. I had a mammogram and it looked suspicious so they had me come back for a repeat. Which has happened to me many times before but on the repeat it didn't look good. So on this day, my wonderful husband Rob drove me back to the center for a biopsy.
It took 6 days to get back the results which showed positive for cancer. I kinda already thought this in my mind and the words the doctor was saying to me on the phone just confirmed my feelings. It was like my brain was in a cloud. I didn't know what to think but only "what is next".
Immediately the nurse navigator called me to help me through all the information and tell me what to expect and what to do. We set up my appt with the surgeon.
I saw Dr. Brown on June 12th. He gave the pathology report and explained it to me and Rob but the words just kept swimming around in my head. Words like cancer, insitu, ductal, grade2, stage 1. I didn't know what any of this meant. Dr. Brown and his office is so great and helpful. The even gave me a huge bag of patient education materials for me to read!! He said the next step was to get a MRI.
MRI experience:
June 19th. I had the MRI. Let me back track to June 18th, the night before. I decided it was time for me to read and go through ALL of the education materials that night that Dr. Brown has given me. The material gave me websites to go on for more information. Knowing the nurse I am, you know I did just that. And knowing a nurse, we want all the information we can get. So YES I did. I watched videos. First is just started out seeing what the MRI experience would be like, then it turned into watching videos of a lumpectomy, tumor biopsy. I stopped there. I figured that was enough for now.
So now I was "informed" of my MRI and other things also! I went to my MRI and one of my special friends met me there to help me through this. The MRI was so weird. I had to lay on my stomach and put my "boobs" in these holes. It took 45 minutes of them telling me, "don't move", "were almost done". It felt like an eternity. Now all I have to do is wait again!!
I got the results the very next day!! How astonishing! I wasn't expecting to hear from them for at least a week. They said it didn't look like it had any changes and my next step was to schedule my surgery.
I got that scheduled (as I told the lady) for the first available!! She got me in on the schedule for a week later, June 27th. I didn't care where it was going to be at or what time, I just wanted this to be over. So I had it scheduled at Suburban Hospital at 3 pm. I had to stay NPO (nothing to eat or drink) from midnight til surgery!! I knew I could do it. I know I just couldn't wait anymore to get this cancer out of my body!!
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