My testimony

 

I feel pushed, nudged, or whatever you want to call it, from God to give my testimony.  This has been on my mind during my alone time and I keep fighting it. And you know what happens when you try to ignore something that God tells you.... He gets louder. I think someone needs to hear this and I am not sure who. So this post will be here and on my other mission blog as well. https://onemission4him.blogspot.com/

This the sermon version!

I grew up in the church. Sunday mornings, Sunday nights and Wednesday night church. AND anything in between. The rule at my house was if you are well enough to go out on Saturday night, you can get up for church on Sunday morning! So I did. And that is how I met my hubs! But that is a different story. Lets not get sidetracked!

I was baptized at 8 yrs of age. I don't think I knew what it met. Well, I know I didn't really know, but I knew I wanted to take communion with everyone else. I feel like that I went through the motions. I knew what it meant to be a Christian and I believe that Jesus is my Lord, but I didn't know what it meant to follow Jesus. It wasn't until later in my life that I learned this.

So over the years I started to move away from church. I felt it was more "fun" to go out. So I indulge myself in a not so good life. I am sure people will think they are mild compared to some, but for me it was not who I wanted to be. I stopped going to church and praying. I stopped reading my bible. I felt so alone. It took me trying to have a family and the struggles with infertility to get me back on the road with God. We had to go through so much for 6 years to just get to the point of having our children. It was a long road and the hubs was so supportive through all the emotional ups and downs. But I had to learn to trust God and his timing. This is where I learned patience. I had to wait so long. I prayed so hard. Looking back, I can see God working through me. I am NOT saying that God did this to me. This is just something that happened and God used this to work a wonder in me and soften my heart. Throughout our trials, we have to lean more on Jesus to get us through them. This is where we grow more in our faith and trust.

After having twins, I feel I grew closer. I started attending church again. I was growing my relationship with God and our family was growing in Christ. Our home was peaceful and throughout the ups and downs that came at us, we were able to handle them. Like when we tried  our fertility treatments again only to not have it work. Having God say no is hard. Even when I wanted more kids, but God knows the plans he has for us and I just have to trust. Little did I know that this was for the best and not in my plans to have more children. But I still cried.

Then at age 44, I got the news that I had breast cancer. This is where I truly learned faith. This is my faith testimony. I had to put all my trust in God to heal me. I had to trust the doctors to help me. This was way out of my hands. I had NO CONTROL. and I didn't like it. It was so scary. I was faced with death. Well maybe not death, but when you hear the word cancer, that is the first thing you think of: dying. Then once I was able to get over that shock and start treatments and figure out what to do, I had to deal with the side effects of the treatment. That was another roller coaster of faith and leaning on God to help me. THEN...I had to go through radiation. This was yet another. I had to lay half naked on the table for 15 minutes while I was being scanned with radiation. While the rad tech watched me. Yet again, another road of faith and leaning on God to get me through it all.  

During this time, a one year journey, I prayed hard, got on my knees a lot, and looked for answers in the bible, worship songs and through teachings of pastors to help me understand. I could feel my faith and trust grow. I could feel peace that I never felt before. It's weird, because I hear people say that and never understood until then. 

It has been 10 years since my cancer and I can say that I am still on this journey. I have ups and downs as anyone would. Heck, we are human. but we are children of God. Forgiven. So don't be so hard on yourself.

The interruption you are going through in life gives you the opportunity to pause and rethink. It is not a one time event to place your faith in Jesus. This is a something you do everyday. In Luke 9:23, Jesus looks at his disciples and tells them, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it."

Love to all,