mindfulness

 

Mindfulness. Have you heard about this? I am learning all about being in tune with myself and self-care. It seems this is the thing now.....mindfulness.  It is the ability to be fully present. To be aware of where you are and what you are doing. To not be reactive or overwhelmed by what is going on around you.

Hmmm, let's think about this. How many of you just go through the motions and when something happens, you react to it? Well, you are not being mindful. I have had 3 days while my hubs is out of town to be by myself and enjoy the peace of my empty home of not having to talk to anyone or interact with anyone, other than the dog. I have been able to rest my brain, my mind and body. It has been nice. I also didn't have to share the TV remote, I could sleep in the middle of the bed and didn't have to share my wine!

How many of you just take some time for yourself? It doesn't have to be days. It can be an afternoon at the park, or on a hike, or just at the library or coffee shop enjoying a book.  A lot of you will probably say you don't. We tend to take care of others rather than ourselves. Especially nurses. We give so much of ourselves to work, then come home and give to the kids and our spouse that at the end of the day, there is nothing left. 

Next time you have some time alone, (and you may need to make yourself have this time) sit outside and close your eyes. Listen to the sounds. Feel the breeze and the sun on your skin. Smell the pine and flowers, (or cow pasture, if your backyard is like mine!) OR even better, when it rains, go outside. Smell the freshness, feel the rain on your skin. Do this when the kids are taking a nap, or send them out with the hubs for ice cream and you stay home, enjoy the quiet.

This is self care.  RESET. This self care will help you with stressors in your life. Help you be positive and kind. 

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.   Numbers 6:24-26

Love to all,

My testimony

 

I feel pushed, nudged, or whatever you want to call it, from God to give my testimony.  This has been on my mind during my alone time and I keep fighting it. And you know what happens when you try to ignore something that God tells you.... He gets louder. I think someone needs to hear this and I am not sure who. So this post will be here and on my other mission blog as well. https://onemission4him.blogspot.com/

This the sermon version!

I grew up in the church. Sunday mornings, Sunday nights and Wednesday night church. AND anything in between. The rule at my house was if you are well enough to go out on Saturday night, you can get up for church on Sunday morning! So I did. And that is how I met my hubs! But that is a different story. Lets not get sidetracked!

I was baptized at 8 yrs of age. I don't think I knew what it met. Well, I know I didn't really know, but I knew I wanted to take communion with everyone else. I feel like that I went through the motions. I knew what it meant to be a Christian and I believe that Jesus is my Lord, but I didn't know what it meant to follow Jesus. It wasn't until later in my life that I learned this.

So over the years I started to move away from church. I felt it was more "fun" to go out. So I indulge myself in a not so good life. I am sure people will think they are mild compared to some, but for me it was not who I wanted to be. I stopped going to church and praying. I stopped reading my bible. I felt so alone. It took me trying to have a family and the struggles with infertility to get me back on the road with God. We had to go through so much for 6 years to just get to the point of having our children. It was a long road and the hubs was so supportive through all the emotional ups and downs. But I had to learn to trust God and his timing. This is where I learned patience. I had to wait so long. I prayed so hard. Looking back, I can see God working through me. I am NOT saying that God did this to me. This is just something that happened and God used this to work a wonder in me and soften my heart. Throughout our trials, we have to lean more on Jesus to get us through them. This is where we grow more in our faith and trust.

After having twins, I feel I grew closer. I started attending church again. I was growing my relationship with God and our family was growing in Christ. Our home was peaceful and throughout the ups and downs that came at us, we were able to handle them. Like when we tried  our fertility treatments again only to not have it work. Having God say no is hard. Even when I wanted more kids, but God knows the plans he has for us and I just have to trust. Little did I know that this was for the best and not in my plans to have more children. But I still cried.

Then at age 44, I got the news that I had breast cancer. This is where I truly learned faith. This is my faith testimony. I had to put all my trust in God to heal me. I had to trust the doctors to help me. This was way out of my hands. I had NO CONTROL. and I didn't like it. It was so scary. I was faced with death. Well maybe not death, but when you hear the word cancer, that is the first thing you think of: dying. Then once I was able to get over that shock and start treatments and figure out what to do, I had to deal with the side effects of the treatment. That was another roller coaster of faith and leaning on God to help me. THEN...I had to go through radiation. This was yet another. I had to lay half naked on the table for 15 minutes while I was being scanned with radiation. While the rad tech watched me. Yet again, another road of faith and leaning on God to get me through it all.  

During this time, a one year journey, I prayed hard, got on my knees a lot, and looked for answers in the bible, worship songs and through teachings of pastors to help me understand. I could feel my faith and trust grow. I could feel peace that I never felt before. It's weird, because I hear people say that and never understood until then. 

It has been 10 years since my cancer and I can say that I am still on this journey. I have ups and downs as anyone would. Heck, we are human. but we are children of God. Forgiven. So don't be so hard on yourself.

The interruption you are going through in life gives you the opportunity to pause and rethink. It is not a one time event to place your faith in Jesus. This is a something you do everyday. In Luke 9:23, Jesus looks at his disciples and tells them, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it."

Love to all,

Change

 

Who likes change? I mean really. Change is hard but necessary. It seems like I am noticing change more, or it is happening to me more. Kids go to college, move back home. Now one moved out, one stayed home. AND NOW, the one is moving back home, and the other is moving out. Don't get me wrong, I want my kids to move out. The hard part is that they are moving across the country, out of state!! I don't like that.

    Changes at work, and trying to get back to our "normal", which I really don't think that will happen. I'm sorry that I am being so negative, but it just doesn't seem like it, and the way things are now is the new normal.

But without change, we cannot grow. It seems I am never too old to learn something new. I think we all should be open to learn new things. Like me, I have started back to school for my MSN, at age, uhmmm, 54 yrs young! Never be afraid to try something, even if it is moving to another state.

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Love to all,

Women in my life: MeMaw

 

MeMaw. When I hear that name, I think of so many memories of her in my life. She has been so much to me and I really miss her at times. 

Growing up I would spend the night with night with her. I remember staying up late to watch Johnny Carson and we would sneak some of papaws chocolate ice cream! She had a lavender bathroom and I thought it was so cool. Everything was lavender! It stayed this color until she moved out after my papaw died. It stayed this way for around 40 years!

She would always be there for me to talk to. I would either go to her house after school or call her up. It was funny because papaw would answer the phone and tell her to get off the other extension to talk to me just to get her goat going! I would talk about boy troubles, being mad at mom (a lot of the time) and just life stuff.

Once I got married, I still went over there. I remember seeing her sitting on the front porch. Or her seat at the kitchen table. She had her seat, and papaw had his. When I got in nursing school, she would have me look at stuff and diagnose stuff. And I mean anything....bumps on her bum, rashes, spots.... Craziness!

CHOCOLATE PIE! She made me chocolate pie for my birthday. EVERY YEAR. I looked forward to this. I knew it was coming. 

She had a loving heart and a crazy sense of humor. She was always there, even toward the end. It is hard when someone you love has alzheimer's. They forget a lot of things but sometimes there is a clarity and you can talk. She would ask me one day how the twins were, thinking they were still babies. Then she would ask me another day when the hubs and I were going to get married. She thought papaw was still alive and was asking where he was at. At first we would remind her that he had passed on. But that got to be so hard, because it was like she was mourning him all over again. So we just would tell her that he was out. 

I miss her. I miss being with her and talking with her. She loved with all her heart. I will see her once again, when we meet up in Heaven.

Do you have a MeMaw, G.ma, Meme, Nana, Mimi, grandma, GiGi or whatever your grandma goes by still around?  Love on them, visit them, call them and tell them you love them. These are memories that will stay with you and bring you joy.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love to all, 

Women in my life: M-I-L

 

                                                  

Yes that is what this one is about: Mom-in law.  So when you read that, I know that you are probably thinking, WHAT?? Your mother in law. NO, my mom in law and YES. She is at the top of my list of those women that have influenced me throughout my life. Some marry into families and do not get to know their spouses parents well. I have been fortunate that both my family and my hubs family are all close. We celebrate together our life events.

I have known her since I was a little girl. We first met at church. But we didn't get to really know each other until me and the hubs started dating when I was 15. And even then, we were not that close. It wasn't until after I got married, that our relationship started. And it hasn't stopped growing.

She has helped me through a lot of difficult times. Through my pregnancy and after the kids were born, she helped clean my house, laundry (and yes, to my embarrassment, she folded my underwear!) She is a good cook and back scratcher! She made us meals to have when we didn't feel like cooking. And when I was tired and worn out she would just rub my back. So much love. It is like I have 2 mommas. 

She will baby sit grands and this includes her grand dog too. She loves with all her heart. Everyone. She shows this by volunteering in her community and church, too  

She used to needlepoint but is not able to continue this hobby now. The projects that she has given me throughout the years, I cherish them all.

I have learned a lot from her about giving of yourself and faith. She lives this example and teaches it to those who know her.  

"Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." —Proverbs 22:6

Love to all,

Women in my life collection: momma

Daughter and momma

Me and my momma

 I am starting a collection of series about the wonderful women in my life that have influenced me throughout my life.  So the best way to start this is with my momma!

I am in a bible study with my momma and we meet every Tuesday. Well, almost every Tuesday. It is a joy to spend time with her each week and I get a free meal out of it too. Who said bribery doesn't work!

My momma is my best friend. Growing up, I never would have thought this would happen. I gave her a tough time growing up. Yup, I was not the perfect kid. But I would like to think I have grown into the perfect woman!! She is my confidant, my person, my tribe. My person that I can talk to and she will understand. AND, she gives her opinion for FREE! 

I know that when I was growing up and dating and having boy troubles, she was there. During the times of of anxiety of getting married, infertility, she was there. She understood and supported me throughout my cancer, because she knew what I was going through. She listened, held me, cried with me.

Now I am not saying that the hubs wasn't there for me during most of these times, but it's different with a spouse than with your momma. Sometimes you just need your momma. At times the claws come out and we just have to walk away from each other for a while. Especially when she gives that free advice! (just joking mom!) But then there are the special times when there is just no words needed. It is just a look or simple act to know that I am loved.

I saw that growing up with my mom with other people. I saw it with her taking care of her mother until the end. I saw the humanness in her come out with frustration she had and the hard work she did. But she gave that all over to God and continued on. I saw her do the little things; preparing her meals, wiping her mouth, getting her dressed and even more. 

I know I can always count on my momma. She is a prayer warrior. She loves deeply. She has a big heart. For example, she makes Christmas ornaments every year for all her nieces and nephews. That is like 25-30 she makes each year! Last year, she got a itch to make quilts for them all and her sisters. Well she made about 13 quilts last year! WOW! After much complaining and whining, I got one this year! And I love it. I will cherish it. (She also made one for my daughter at the same time).

That is love in action. I am a witness to it and have been on the other end of her love (and her whoop'ns) 

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 31:25-31

Love to all

wobbly desk

 

This is my little corner of learning. This started 4/1/22. Nope. Not an April's fool joke. It is FOR REAL! After I got registered and started looking at my first class and the syllabus and assignments, I started to think, WHAT WAS I THINKING???!  Well it is day 3 and I am still thinking this.  I got my desk, and had to put it together. I thought, I can do this. Well, a few minutes later, me and my daughter were putting it together. When we were putting the final piece on we realized I got the top piece on backwards and had to drill a hole to hold the side shelf! I wasn't about to take it apart and start over. 

It is good to go out of your comfort zone, learn new things. You are never to old to learn. You are never to old to hear I love you, or I am proud of you. As a parent, I try to impart these words and actions to my children. I want them to know how much my husband and I love them and how much we are proud of them and the adults they have become.

In the same way, I love to hear this as well from my parents and family. And they let me know. It is a warm feeling to know you are loved and it comforts you to know that someone feels this way...they are proud of you. To know that they trust me and seek out my guidance as a nurse shows how much they love me.

I am comforted and look forward to seeing my dad wave at me when I leave their house. He stands outside and waits for me to back out, and waves.  It is a memory I will always have. It reminds of other memories I have, like sitting at the kitchen table with my memaw and mama just talking about life and boyfriends. Or talking to my papaw on the phone. Sitting with my parents-in-law at church and looking forward to being with them at the service. Holiday gatherings with my family, the WHOLE family.

The memory of my husband telling me how beautiful I am when I was going through chemo treatment and I lost my hair and gained 20 pounds. (I can rock a bald head!) When my son, who was 4 at the time, put his hands on my cheeks and said "I love you mom". And the wonderful feeling that your daughter wants to spend time with  you and says you are the "cool mom". And you already know that I AM the cool mom!!

There is so many ways to feel loved and I have so much to be thankful for. This love fills me up and spills over for me to give this love to others. 

So hopefully my little desk will last with me pounding away at my computer for 2 years. Then I can celebrate with everyone our accomplishment of my masters degree! Yes, we all will celebrate because we all earned this. I did the work, but they all had to put up with me, my crying and whining and giving me encouragement to keep going forward.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Love to all,