forgiveness

OK, I feel compelled to write today after church.  I got my word today from God from my Pastor Andy.
He said "we are to be the aroma of Christ."

Question:  Do I smell like Christ??
Answer:  Well I thought I did, but here is how you tell.  Are you patient, gracious, loving FORGIVING?
Well I fail in the last one, forgiving. (I'm sure I am not totally 100% good with the others too).  When I say I'm sorry, am I sorry in my heart or just in my words.

I was talking with my mom last night about some things and a certain person and I told her I forgave this person.  But did I really?  Did I just say the words and not forgive in my heart?
I know now.  My answer is no I don't smell like Christ. People will say to me, I can hear it now, Yes you do.  You are a witness through your sickness.  Others tell me that I am a witness by my strength and positive attitude with my cancer and treatment. But this is just one part of my life, not my whole life.  I need to recognize my faults and try to make them better.  I am human I know, and my God knows this.  This is why he teaches me these little lessons everyday. I realized today that I am still bitter in my heart for this person.  I prayed, hard, for God to take this from me and for me to be really be forgiving.  So far he is still working on me, but nevertheless, it is slowly going away.  I can't say that I am bitter now, just my human side wants to hang on to it.  You know we all like a little drama!  I am sure at some point I will be able to say with all my heart, I'm sorry.

So as I go about my daily life, I want the aroma of Christ to be on me. I want others to see and "smell" Christ. I pray that I am salt and light to this world, to the people who see me and those I see and talk too.
The Bible says some will receive my witness and others will reject it.  But I need to have ALL the qualities of Christ, not just the ones that I want and think are easier.  God never said it would be easy, in fact, He said it would be hard.  People will reject me and curse me.  Not an easy thing to take, but I know what I have in the END.
As I pray, I ask God to forgive me and to  help me forgive.  As I say it, I need and want to mean it in my heart.

2 Corinthians 2: 15 -17: For we are the AROMA OF CHRIST to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life.  Who is sufficient for these things?  For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word, but as me of SINCERITY, as COMMISSIONED BY GOD, in the sight of God we SPEAK IN CHRIST.

Love to all,