Well I don't know what is going on with me. You all know that when I started my treatments, how I felt about loosing my hair. Then I got a wig and you all know how I felt about that.
Well now it seems that I have this fear of wearing this said wig. I guess I am not sure what it will look like and the fear of what everyone will say. Everyone is use to how I look with my scarves and I guess so am I.
A very lucky few have seen my bald head in person.
I think I freaked out my neighbor the other day when he came over. You see, when I am at home, I don't wear a hat, but when he came to the door, I just forgot about not having one on and his eyes got big. It was then I realized he saw the head!
Do you want to hear another funny thing? Well every time I look in the mirror, it seems I shock myself at how I look. I keep expecting hair and it just isn't there! I am so stupid sometimes!
Well I am going to brave wearing my wig. I have chosen my first time in public to be Thursday at my girl scout meeting. We are having our halloween party that night. I know my girls will be kind to me and they laugh right with me. So I will have crazy costume pictures with my hair on. Just to forewarn you, it is princess theme and we all will be wearing our princess outfits. Ya know we can't wear them anywhere else so that night we can break out our tiara's and outfits.
I am also starting to get some nervousness about my treatment Tuesday. It is a big chemo day. It started this morning with an uneasy stomach. I am just working myself up because I know how I will feel afterwards and the rest of the week. It is like my life will be on hold after the treatment and I really hate that. I am a go go go person and next week I will be laid up. Not fun at all! But I will be at the princess party FOR SURE!!!
I have 3 more treatments, I just have to keep positive and try not to let this get to me a little while longer. My friend J is just starting her course to treat her breast cancer. She had surgery last Wednesday and stills needs lots of prayer.
I have to keep reminding myself of what is said in Phillipians 4: do not be anxious about anything. Well that is kinda hard but I will keep trying!!
At least I will be over feeling sick by Oct 13th. You say what is Oct 13th?? It is the Susan G. Komen race for the cure!! I will be walking with my teammates. Our team is called outstanding faith. We will be walking in honor of the women in our life that has been affected with breast cancer. If you want to support me or join my team, there is still time. Go to http://louisville.info-komen.org and click on the tab komen race for the cure, then click the drop down "donate". Then click donate to participant or team on the left, then type in my name: Autumn Chapman (just in case you didn't know!!), my team is outstanding faith. I know that without money or funds, there would be no trials or new drugs to treat this cancer. The treatment that I am receiving right now isdirectly from a trial that was done. They continue to trial meds and treatments for the different kind of breast cancer. The only way they can is with funds like from races like this one. You never know when it will touch your life. It came out of no where for me and my friend J.
So keep praying for me and that my stupidity doesn't get the best of me and that I stay strong.
Love to all,
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
a rainy day
Today is a wonderful rainy day!! As I sit here in my chemo treatment, I am looking out the window at all the rain God is sending us today.
It was a long drive today with all the traffic and then I think they forgot about me in the waiting room and had to wait extra long. With all this frustration, of course my blood pressure was up on my pre checks. The tech asks if I have any stress, well what do you think??? HA
Then when my nurse tries to draw my blood from my port, it starts to act up and not want to give us blood. I am thinking, what is going on today. Then I say to myself, devil go away. You are not going to make this day a bad day!!
So now I sit here looking out my window and thinking about how it is going to be wonderful day.
It is so hard for me to get down and think so negative. But I have to keep reminding myself that it could always be worse. And I am sure some people look at me and say that to themselves too!! I get in the pity party and say why me?? Then I think, why not me. why not?? I wish it wasn't me, but why not?? God has a way of kicking you in the butt and telling you it is His way not mine. As I have said before, He uses those who are weak to show others that He is strong. I am a weak one, that's for sure!!
I am so lucky to be alive and have people who love me.
So the song playing in my ears is Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave. It is awesome and reminds me that God has redeemed me and set me free. I am changed and made new in Christ. Anything I ask of God, he listens and will answer.
1 John 5:14-15: "And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that is we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him."
This is God's promise. I take comfort in everything He tells me. I am growing in my faith and trust but I know God will never leave me.
Love to all
It was a long drive today with all the traffic and then I think they forgot about me in the waiting room and had to wait extra long. With all this frustration, of course my blood pressure was up on my pre checks. The tech asks if I have any stress, well what do you think??? HA
Then when my nurse tries to draw my blood from my port, it starts to act up and not want to give us blood. I am thinking, what is going on today. Then I say to myself, devil go away. You are not going to make this day a bad day!!
So now I sit here looking out my window and thinking about how it is going to be wonderful day.
It is so hard for me to get down and think so negative. But I have to keep reminding myself that it could always be worse. And I am sure some people look at me and say that to themselves too!! I get in the pity party and say why me?? Then I think, why not me. why not?? I wish it wasn't me, but why not?? God has a way of kicking you in the butt and telling you it is His way not mine. As I have said before, He uses those who are weak to show others that He is strong. I am a weak one, that's for sure!!
I am so lucky to be alive and have people who love me.
So the song playing in my ears is Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave. It is awesome and reminds me that God has redeemed me and set me free. I am changed and made new in Christ. Anything I ask of God, he listens and will answer.
1 John 5:14-15: "And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that is we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him."
This is God's promise. I take comfort in everything He tells me. I am growing in my faith and trust but I know God will never leave me.
Love to all
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Over the HUMP....
Well I had my 3rd of 6 BIG chemo treatments last week. So I am half way through them!! Can I hear a whoot whoot!.
It appears that the side affects are going to be different each time. This past week I was so nauseous, close to puking. I just stayed in my drug induced coma-like state til Monday. Then as soon as they started it was over. I just wish the "being tired all the time" feeling would go away at some point.
So mark your calendars:
The date of my last BIG chemo is Nov 13th!! I see the radiologist Dr. Cornett on Nov 5th to determine when I start my radiation treatments. It looks like they will start sometime the first of December.
So the things I know to expect will happen on my big chemo weeks are:
nausea, GI upset, no appetite, mouth hurting, food tastes bad, sleep all the time from taking phenergan, my body swelling up.
Things I know I can count on:
Rob there loving me
Tyler rubbing my swollen hands and sore back
Erin singing and making me laugh (and sometimes giving me a hard time! HA)
My church helping us out with dinner
My family calling and encouraging me
My friends keeping positive thoughts in my mind
And the most important thing is that my God will never leave me.
Thank you all for everything you are doing for me. The cards, prayers, encouragement doesn't go unnoticed and is very much appreciated.
So I have 2 weeks until I have another treatment, so I need to enjoy it while I can, the feeling normal part I mean.
So another promise I leave you with:
Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
Love to all,
It appears that the side affects are going to be different each time. This past week I was so nauseous, close to puking. I just stayed in my drug induced coma-like state til Monday. Then as soon as they started it was over. I just wish the "being tired all the time" feeling would go away at some point.
So mark your calendars:
The date of my last BIG chemo is Nov 13th!! I see the radiologist Dr. Cornett on Nov 5th to determine when I start my radiation treatments. It looks like they will start sometime the first of December.
So the things I know to expect will happen on my big chemo weeks are:
nausea, GI upset, no appetite, mouth hurting, food tastes bad, sleep all the time from taking phenergan, my body swelling up.
Things I know I can count on:
Rob there loving me
Tyler rubbing my swollen hands and sore back
Erin singing and making me laugh (and sometimes giving me a hard time! HA)
My church helping us out with dinner
My family calling and encouraging me
My friends keeping positive thoughts in my mind
And the most important thing is that my God will never leave me.
Thank you all for everything you are doing for me. The cards, prayers, encouragement doesn't go unnoticed and is very much appreciated.
So I have 2 weeks until I have another treatment, so I need to enjoy it while I can, the feeling normal part I mean.
So another promise I leave you with:
Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
Love to all,
Sunday, September 9, 2012
The new me!!
OK so me and mom went shopping last week and I got a new wig. I know I was saying that I would not wear them. But...
We took those wigs I bought on line (which is a mistake for any of you out there wanting one, go to a store!), to The Wig Shoppe in Louisville off of Hurstborne Lane. The lady who helped me was so awesome. I can't say enough about her. She made me feel so good about myself.
First she said, let me see your wigs. She wasn't too happy that I bought them online. The first one, she didn't even wait, she just popped it off my head and said, this one is not you. ( I have not even met her before this day!)
The second one, she tried to work with but I just didn't like how it looked or felt on my head. I told her I was a scarf girl.
So she had me try on one wig of hers just to feel the difference. And there was a difference but I just couldn't get past that these were wigs. I feel that when I walk out of the house with it on, everyone will know I have a wig on. So she brought out the scarves. They are so pretty. And feel good to wear. I got 2!!
But before I left, she wanted me to try on another wig. I am sure it was the saleswoman in her!! But, once I put it on, it looked so natural, similar to what my hair looked like before, just without all the spiky hair in the back. So I got it!! Or I should tell you, my daddy got it for me!! YES...I AM A DADDY'S GIRL!! So what's it to ya!! you can laugh all you want, but I have the best parents in the world!
And while I am on parents, my second set of parents, my in-laws (which are not really like in-laws but closer) are awesome too. I am lucky to have them in my life!!
So I guess I will get to really good part that you all have been waiting for, the picture. So here it is:
So what do you all think??? I like, so if you don't, I won't sweat it because it is what I think is what matters!! HA. I sent back the other 2 ugly wigs.
So my verse today is my favorite all time verse I want to share with you. I picked it because I feel good today and I am soaring on wings of eagles!!
Isaiah 40: 28-31; "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the if the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives STRENGTH to the weary, and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; BUT those who HOPE in the Lord will RENEW their strength. They will SOAR ON WINGS LIKE EAGLES; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint."
After I read this I just want to say AMEN, don't you!!
Love to all,
We took those wigs I bought on line (which is a mistake for any of you out there wanting one, go to a store!), to The Wig Shoppe in Louisville off of Hurstborne Lane. The lady who helped me was so awesome. I can't say enough about her. She made me feel so good about myself.
First she said, let me see your wigs. She wasn't too happy that I bought them online. The first one, she didn't even wait, she just popped it off my head and said, this one is not you. ( I have not even met her before this day!)
The second one, she tried to work with but I just didn't like how it looked or felt on my head. I told her I was a scarf girl.
So she had me try on one wig of hers just to feel the difference. And there was a difference but I just couldn't get past that these were wigs. I feel that when I walk out of the house with it on, everyone will know I have a wig on. So she brought out the scarves. They are so pretty. And feel good to wear. I got 2!!
But before I left, she wanted me to try on another wig. I am sure it was the saleswoman in her!! But, once I put it on, it looked so natural, similar to what my hair looked like before, just without all the spiky hair in the back. So I got it!! Or I should tell you, my daddy got it for me!! YES...I AM A DADDY'S GIRL!! So what's it to ya!! you can laugh all you want, but I have the best parents in the world!
And while I am on parents, my second set of parents, my in-laws (which are not really like in-laws but closer) are awesome too. I am lucky to have them in my life!!
So I guess I will get to really good part that you all have been waiting for, the picture. So here it is:
So what do you all think??? I like, so if you don't, I won't sweat it because it is what I think is what matters!! HA. I sent back the other 2 ugly wigs.
So my verse today is my favorite all time verse I want to share with you. I picked it because I feel good today and I am soaring on wings of eagles!!
Isaiah 40: 28-31; "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the if the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives STRENGTH to the weary, and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; BUT those who HOPE in the Lord will RENEW their strength. They will SOAR ON WINGS LIKE EAGLES; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint."
After I read this I just want to say AMEN, don't you!!
Love to all,
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
deja'vu
I am asking everyone for more prayers today.
A friend of mine I work with just told me yesterday that she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I will not use her whole name, but just pray for J.
Her story is she wasn't feeling good and went to the MD. She had felt a lump in her breast and asked the MD to look at it. They felt it also, so she was sent to mammogram which led to ultrasound which led to biopsy. The biopsy confirmed the MD suspicions that it was cancer.
Cancer seems to just pop up whenever it wants and it can happen to anyone.
Please, ladies, go to the MD and do your preventive treatments like mammograms and physicals. Check your breast monthly and teach your daughters the same.
So now J has to start the journey of a breast cancer patient and survivor.
She has is a strong woman and I know she will get through this.
Please support her through your prayers and love like you have shown me. I know you will.
I have a good day today, spending it with mom if my nausea doesn't pop up. Woke up feeling a little sick, but I hope it is just I am hungry. Going to the wig shops today and hopefully they can do something with mine. I may have some pictures to post of them, since so many are asking to see them!!
Psalms 68:19, :Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens."
Love to all,
A friend of mine I work with just told me yesterday that she has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I will not use her whole name, but just pray for J.
Her story is she wasn't feeling good and went to the MD. She had felt a lump in her breast and asked the MD to look at it. They felt it also, so she was sent to mammogram which led to ultrasound which led to biopsy. The biopsy confirmed the MD suspicions that it was cancer.
Cancer seems to just pop up whenever it wants and it can happen to anyone.
Please, ladies, go to the MD and do your preventive treatments like mammograms and physicals. Check your breast monthly and teach your daughters the same.
So now J has to start the journey of a breast cancer patient and survivor.
She has is a strong woman and I know she will get through this.
Please support her through your prayers and love like you have shown me. I know you will.
I have a good day today, spending it with mom if my nausea doesn't pop up. Woke up feeling a little sick, but I hope it is just I am hungry. Going to the wig shops today and hopefully they can do something with mine. I may have some pictures to post of them, since so many are asking to see them!!
Psalms 68:19, :Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens."
Love to all,
Sunday, September 2, 2012
ever-changing....
Everyday is a new challenge, a new something that I have to get use to. Like for example, the picture below:
My friend Victor thought it would be so cool to take a picture of use "3 stooges" the other day at work. I was a little hesitant because I don't show my uncovered head outside of the house. But he talked me into it. And then I found it on facebook!! To my surprise, everyone loved it and thought it was so funny (not me of course).
But, it is my ever-changing head as seen above. It is very hard for me to get use to it. My head stays cold most of time, feels like felt now, and fuzz is attracted to it. It seems that this little last bit of hair is hanging on for dear life to my scalp!!
But all I have to say is my friends are wonderful, my family is great, and my husband is the best! From them, I feel so beautiful, not anxious, and so accepted. They help me stay positive when I am feeling down and negative. I am laughing, smiling, and feeling awesome on my most "feeling sorry for myself, let's have a pity party" days.
So I just want to say THANK YOU to every one for helping me get through this.
I am going to try my wigs out Wednesday with my mom when we go shopping at the wigs shops. I am still not a fan of them, but dad says he likes them. So I will give them a try.
I have one more week of feeling normal before I have another big chemo on Sept 11th. So the countdown starts.
One good thing about not having hair, It is raining, pouring rain today as I get ready for work, and guess what, I don't have to worry about my hair!! HA, that's to all you girls out there right now who are envious of me right now!!
So this is for you to ponder:
1Peter 4:10 "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms."
Thank you for sharing your gifts with me.
Love to all
But, it is my ever-changing head as seen above. It is very hard for me to get use to it. My head stays cold most of time, feels like felt now, and fuzz is attracted to it. It seems that this little last bit of hair is hanging on for dear life to my scalp!!
But all I have to say is my friends are wonderful, my family is great, and my husband is the best! From them, I feel so beautiful, not anxious, and so accepted. They help me stay positive when I am feeling down and negative. I am laughing, smiling, and feeling awesome on my most "feeling sorry for myself, let's have a pity party" days.
So I just want to say THANK YOU to every one for helping me get through this.
I am going to try my wigs out Wednesday with my mom when we go shopping at the wigs shops. I am still not a fan of them, but dad says he likes them. So I will give them a try.
I have one more week of feeling normal before I have another big chemo on Sept 11th. So the countdown starts.
One good thing about not having hair, It is raining, pouring rain today as I get ready for work, and guess what, I don't have to worry about my hair!! HA, that's to all you girls out there right now who are envious of me right now!!
So this is for you to ponder:
1Peter 4:10 "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms."
Thank you for sharing your gifts with me.
Love to all
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