Sadness over holidays

 

Through the holidays, there is a lot of joy and happiness.  I am with my family, laughing, getting caught up on lost time. I see all the little kids all grown up! It is like I am having to ask "who is that?". They have boyfriends and girl friends now. The time just goes by so quickly. I feel so old!!! Stop the clock please!

But there are times when you are reminded of those that are not with you. Those that are gone from this earth and those that can't be with you. I miss having my grandparents around. My brother and his family couldn't make our dinner, I miss seeing him. My in-laws weren't able to come, I missed them as well. 

This holiday was one of the best and saddest for me. I got to be reunited with one of my best friends in the world...my cousin L. She has been sick for a long time and has refused visitors. I haven't seen her in 4 years. Well, she isn't doing very well and I was able to go visit with her. I am so happy to have that time with her but so sad that her health is not good. I miss her terribly. I miss all the times we were able to go and do things, to talk, complain about stuff.

As I visited with her, we went down memory lane of our younger days. Some of the crazy stuff we did (and some stuff I don't want to remember).  It was great to laugh with her. It was great to see her laugh. She let me take a picture with her, but I want to remember her the way she was, so full of life, beautiful smile, crazy heart and so bull headed! She still has her bull headedness, but in a loving way (haha).

We do not know how long we have on this earth, but I do know where I will be when my life is over.        L will be there too. No more pain, no more tears. 

So right now I will take whatever time she will give me. To visit her, hug her and love her. To be intentional....with all those I love.

Romans 8:18 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Love to all,

Shoe on the other foot

 

When did I start to wear others shoes?  I mean....as I get older. 

Some things are good to be in the other shoes....they will clean for me, drive me places, you know, those things that youngins' do for us olders.  But when did they get so smart???

It happens that fast, over night. And I am so proud of my 2 youngins'!

My birthday card from Erin was so touching. She said she was proud of me! That is something that a parent tells their kids, not the other way around! But you know what??

I NEEDED TO HEAR THAT, ON THAT DAY!  The day I was turning double nickels. 

Tyler with his big, generous heart. He is helping his nana today with her Christmas cookies so we all will have them this year. He is so kind hearted to help anyone in need. Especially his momma when I need those knots rubbed out of my neck!

I don't know how I got so lucky and blessed, but I thank God for all the blessings he has given me throughout the years. Some of those blessings has been through tears, but they are blessings, nothing less.

During this time of thanksgiving, think about what God has blessed you with in your life. What are you grateful for? 

Psalms 9:1; "I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds."

Love to all,  

oh, boy!

 

Tomorrow is the day. The day I cross over even more to middle age. Again, in my mind, I am still in my 20's.  When I look in the mirror, I say, "who is that person?!!" Sometimes I don't recognize the reflection. but ageing is part of life. It can be hard, but it can also be wonderful. I think of all the memories I have and all the people I have met and have in my life. This is truly a blessing for me. 

As we get older, we start to learn more and find our way. We are stronger in our faith and beliefs. 

Recently, I felt like I was being attacked. Mentally, emotionally, just attacked from all sides. Driving to work, I thought I wasn't going to make it through the day and my day hadn't even started yet. Have you ever felt that way?

So I remember something my mom has said many times, and at those times I did think how crazy she sounded. But at this point, I thought what would it hurt. I needed as much help as I could get, no matter how crazy it sounded. And I was alone, so no-one would know. Right?

So while I was driving, I just started praying. Which turned into me just saying the name of Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Over and over, through the tears, I just kept saying his name. And you know what? I could feel the anxiety leave. The tension. The pressure. I physically could feel it leave me.

I got to work and felt that I could function. I realize that I felt the love of Jesus that morning. All you have to do is ask. Cry out to him and HE will be there. 

So I continue to do this when I am feeling off. I don't think my mom's idea was as crazy now. But she still has some crazy things she does!

I am a child of God, his daughter and he loves me. I will never forget that.

"For God so loves the world that he gave his one and only son. That whosoever believes in him, will not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

Love to all,

(P.S. tomorrow is my birthday and I will be the glorious......55 years young)