Are you empty?

 As I am cleaning my pool, I notice that the water level is low. I can't turn the pump on because it makes this crazy sucking noise, like it is gasping for a breath! So, I have to get the water hose and add more water to it in order to run the pump and clean it. 

How many of you feel like this is your life? You are so empty and not sure how to get filled. We fill our time with social media, games, computers and wonder why we feel the way we do. There is no human interaction anymore. No one wants to call to talk to me, it is all through text messages...at arms distance.  We all need human interaction. So many times I have encountered people, distressed, and when I ask if I could pray for them and I place my hand on their shoulder, I can feel their tension. Then, some times, they reach out for a hug or handshake, and that touch means a lot. It says, I care, I am not afraid be human. 

I hear that a hug/human touch helps people with depression and illness. I know that when I hug someone or hold their hand, I am not only helping them, but I get that support as well. You can't help it when you are giving a hug, they will hug you back! I always say, that if I am going to hug you, I will not let go until you are ready. So there have been times that when I have stood there for what seems like an eternity, just giving that love and support. 

I have started to begin my day with God. A short devotion with the verse of the day on the youversion bible app. It doesn't take long, but it sets me up for the day. Helps me focus on positive things and connect with God before I even walk out of the house. Now, I am not going to lie, I am human. I have let things get to me and I do get frustrated. Sometimes, I will just take my lunch break and go for a quick 10 minute walk. The sunshine is a great mood changer and it is great to be alone, away from computers to just think and absorb the nature..birds singing, the bright colors of the trees and grass, cars roaring on the highway! And you are outside, so if you need to let it out, yell. No one will hear you, unless you are in your neighborhood. You may get the neighbors talking. 

I just read that June is Men's mental illness month. Mental illness month IS every month. So many of us experience depression, anxiety, or PTSD and have not identified it yet. We just think it is normal because we have always felt that way. As I have gotten older, I have come to realize it isn't normal and we all need to care for each other. I have experienced so many co-workers and friends commit suicide and I did not even know their struggles. Why didn't I see it? 

John 3:30 says: He must become greater; I must become less. This means that I must empty me of me, in order to fill up with Jesus. We cannot continue in the paths of self-destruction of negativity, self hatred, speaking negative self talk to myself. We cannot continue with actions that hurt us not only physically, but mentally. We must empty our minds of this and allow God to speak to us. This is how I fill up before I am even allowing myself to fill up with any negative thoughts...Go to God Daily. 

The evil one will not like it and will fight for you. The road is tough, the fight and battle is even more hard, but once you get to the other side, there is victory. 

Take notice of things and people around you. Get your head up and look straight ahead. Stop looking down at your phone or computer and take notice of those around you. You may be the only one with the courage to say, how are you and really mean it or offer to them...do you need a hug?

Philippians 4:6-7 in the Bible says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus". 

Love to all, 

The fear of cancer

 

First, I AM OK.  It seems I have to keep letting everyone know that I am ok. (and myself). Sorry but this will be a long one, it has been 4 months!

It has been a rough last month.  I am sorry I have not kept up my messages, but it just seems like time gets away from me, and then the enemy tries to knock you down!

Just to update those who may not know my journey. In 2012, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I was 44 years old with two 15 yo at home. It was a hard time for a year and a half. Surgery, chemo, and radiation were my treatment, but I was able to remain positive and lean on God through it all.

Fast forward....I have had all good checkups, mammograms, and no issues since. Last year there was a little scare with my mammogram "showing something" but it was all benign. 

Since I developed COVID-19 in December, I couldn't get rid of this nagging cough. then a few months ago it just got worse. So bad that when I would cough, it would turn into a coughing fit and bronchospasm. Sorry to say that in my old age, I may or may not have peed a little! So after much pushing from the hubs, I went to the doctor and she had me get a chest x-ray. I thought I had pneumonia. But the next day she calls and tells me that they see something in my right lung and the radiologist is recommending a CT scan.

FEAR sets in. You see, if you are someone who has gone through cancer, the biggest fear you have is that your cancer returns or you get it somewhere else. My doctor calls this PTSD. I thought only those who went through war would get this, but it is ANY traumatic event. I always thought I made it through and survived cancer and I would be ok. But it never leaves you, never leaves your mind. It always lingers in the back of your mind. This is called trauma. It shows up in many different ways for some people. For me, it is this. 

So I had the CT and it showed 3 nodules in my left lung. They couldn't rule out infection so we developed a treatment plan. I am starting to get used to having a treatment plan. If you know me, you know this is true....I already had a plan for what I was going to do if it was positive for cancer. I had it already mapped out. But this plan for now was take a steroid pack, and antibiotics, then once that is done, get a PET scan.  So that is what I did. I had the PET scan this past week and had to wait 2 days to get the results.WAITING IS HARD! Like I said, it is all good. One of the nodules is gone, and the other two have decreased in size. So the radiologist said it was infectious and inflammation. 

I prayed so hard. The hard part was that I didn't want to worry my family, so we just kept it between me, the hubs, and the kids. When my doctor walked in to tell me and hubs, I don't think she realized how stressful this time had been for us. She immediately saw Hubs sitting there and urgently said, it is all good. Then she pulled it up and explained the results. Doctors just don't realize how stressful things are with their patients at the time they make us wait. 

I am sure this is not going to be the last time I get a "scare" with my health. And I am sure it isn't going to get any easier for me or my hubs. I pray it is the last time. I don't think my BP could handle any more fluctuations going up and down! I do go back for a follow up CT in August. And I know I will be on pins and needles for this, but I will just take whatever comes my way.

Some things about being a patient that I realized with me:

• I am a baby when it comes to IV and needle sticks..and they hurt like the dickens!
• The CT scan and PET scan table is hard as a rock!
• When they say the contrast from the CT scan will make me feel warm, they are not lying! But they do need to warn of the feeling of like you peed yourself. I thought I was going to need a new pair of pants before I went back to work! I literally had to double check to make sure everything was dry.
• There is nothing that can help with the waiting.
• Empathy is big with patients. You never know what they are going through.

Deuteronomy 31:8 in the Bible says, "The LORD himself will lead you and be with you. He will not fail you or abandon you, so do not lose courage or be afraid"

Love to all,