acceptance

 

Acceptance. That is a hard word sometimes. Especially when it is you that has to accept- whatever it is. For me it is accepting that I have to heal myself before I can move forward. I think a lot of us is that way. We try to take the shortcut or wide road when we need to stay on the narrow path.  The narrow path may feel like a balance beam, so narrow, but it is worth the trip. 

I had my doctor appointment last week. It was very eye opening. My doctor is the best. She is so understanding and forgiving. She understands where I am coming from and my fears of cancer, even if I don't recognize them. She took the time to talk with me and my husband about how cancer is a trauma for me. I didn't realize it until now, that I have hidden the fear of it returning. I always thought that I have moved past this, the fear. But I guess I hadn't. It's like a feeling I have never had before, so I didn't know what to do with it. But she said it is called trauma. And I must seek help for this first. 

She is open to support me in doing whatever I want, even if that includes surgery. But she said if I do not fix this, that fear will always be there and I will never get over it, even if I had the surgery. Oh, she said my scans were normal. She broke it all down, all the medical big word terminology and helped me understand what I was reading. (having my reports readily available in my chart for me to see before my doctor can talk to me is another story. I am not happy about this and I am sure that it has caused many others anxiety, like me.) 

So I value her openness and transparency with me. She recommended counseling first to identify my triggers, learn how to manage them and my fear. Then if I still feel this way about surgery, she will be right there with me.

Friends.....MENTAL HEALTH IS NO JOKE.  Take care of yourself. It is not something that is funny or something that will go away. If you are in your mind and feel you can fix yourself, like I always feel like I don't need anyone's help, you are wrong.  

    We all  need help. Self care is important, but this also includes counseling if you need someone to talk with. 

I am going to give it a try. Counseling. I have to admit, I feel silly. I have never had to do this. I don't know what the fear is of talking to someone. Maybe they will see the real me? Maybe they will see me cry (ugly). Or maybe I will just find out something about myself that I don't want to know.  10 years ago I had to submit to help when I was sick.  Help from my family to care for me and friends who supported me with meals and kind words. I thought I was back to being so independent and being the strong arm for others. But do we ever get to a point in our life where we do not need help? 

And don't think I feel I am alone. I am not. I lean on Jesus and he helps me. Daily.  But sometimes we just need a person in front of us that Jesus is going to use to help us alone on this earth. 

The easiest path is not always the best. We must work towards loving ourselves first before the healing can begin. Accepting what is needing attention is the narrow path to healing. 

Matthew 7:13-14 NIV

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Love to all,