Taking a drive

 

I never thought I would say this after moving closer to the city, but I miss my long drives. Yep, that is what I said! Before we moved, I would drive 45 minutes to work and then it would be a longer drive depending on traffic. I would complain everyday about the drivers, the traffic and the stress of having to drive so much. I did this drive for 22 years.  I know how many minutes between each exit, where the fast food is and how to get around any back up on the highway. Since then, I can get to wherever I need, like work, in like, 20 minutes. On those long drives before, I would have my quiet time. I would listen to podcasts or my music and if the weather was good, I would even open the sunroof and have the windows down! I miss those times....just sometimes. 

So today, I took a drive. By myself. windows down, sunroof open. Enjoying the sun and quiet time. Well, not so quiet. I jammed my music to the band Skillet. People probably thought I was a nut, head banging to christian music. But it is my "quiet" time, myself time. 

Have you ever just taken a time to be alone, by yourself. You can actually hear other things if you open up your ears and mind. I didn't hear a lot today, other than music turned up way too loud and the wind, but today, I can do whatever I want, right? Alone time is not always negative. There have been times I have felt alone and felt that loneliness. But there are those other times when you just want to be with yourself, a date with just you. You can go anywhere you want. Your porch, backyard, a walk, a movie, or like me, a drive.....to the outlet mall! Yes that is where I ended up and I had a great time shopping, by myself. I even got me a little somethin-somethin. 

So whatever you do, take time for your drive, your time alone to sit still and listen. Listen to your body, spirit and most of all, listen to hear God talk to you. He has plenty to show us and tell us, we just need to slow down and take the time. 

Psalm 46:10; "He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,  I will be exalted in the earth.”

Mark 4:39; "And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm."

Love to all,

Weight loss Journey, I mean struggle

 

I have been struggling with my weight ever since I finished my chemo in 2013. Then it just got worse as I went into menopause (which is the devil itself!). Then you top it off with a sprinkle of stress, well it was more than a sprinkle, that is a recipe for weight gain. I didn't want to work out, depression set in.  Medications just masked it and didn't help. I tried to overcome a lot of it myself. But as you know, sometimes that doesn't work. 

Well, I went to my doctor and while I don't advocate for taking "the easy way", I had tried everything I could think of. Different diets, joined the gym, worked out, meditated, whatever my doctor asked me to do, I tried. So when I peaked at 210 pounds, and I stayed at that weight for over a year, that is when I said, I need more help. Yes, I went on medication to help me lose weight. You can call me a sell out, I don't care, it has helped me so much. 

The medication journey has been kinda hard. Nobody warns you how this medication will sometimes make you sick. When I first started it, I got so sick. Vomited a lot! Yeah, it was not fun. I had to go off of it for a few months. But then I started again at a lower dose and took it slow, and it has been a better journey this time around. 

I am kinda embarrassed of how much weight I had gained. I can hear you say, don't be embarrassed. This is things I tell others, but when it is you, it is hard to stomach to see yourself not in the perfect health that you think you are in. Pictures don't lie. I am building up my courage as I write this, debating if I am going to show you my pictures. But I think they speak volumes of how I was and where I am now.

I still have a way to go to meet my goal. So I know you are asking.....What is your goal, Autumn? My goal is to get to 160 pounds. While I am not living by the scale, I use it as a gauge of my progress. I weigh in about twice a month. It has been a slow process,which is good. You don't want to lose weight to fast. It has helped me develop smart thinking on what foods I am eating and how big my portions are. I am more active, taking stairs, walking the long way around, parking farther out.

Ok, ok. I'll do it. Here are my pictures from when I started documenting my weight. Please don't laugh, because I am crying at how I let myself go.  Man, this is hard. 

 Sept 2023, 210# size XL

Oct 2024, 185# size large

 July 23, 2025 173# size medium!

As you can tell, I have lost some weight. Just only 37 POUNDS SO FAR!! This has definitely been a hard journey. I have 13 more to reach my goal. I started at an XL and have gone down to a medium! Well some medium, some large. But that is a reason I am celebrating! If you are on this weight loss journey, please do not give up. Everyday I have to tell myself...take the long way to get my steps in...park a little farther at the store...do that exercise each week....take the dog for a walk!  I tell myself, "YOU GOT THIS!" It's hard to do and it is so easy to sit and watch tv or play games. But retraining your brain to want the activity, that is hard but oh, so worth it. I still want that cupcake or donut! And I sometimes lose that battle. But I only take 1/2 of it, not the whole one. 

NEVER GIVE UP!

Galatians 6:9 (ESV); And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up.

Isaiah 40-29-31; He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

LOVE TO ALL, 

Feel like giving up on it all?

 

This is a difficult and serious post for the week. I just want to give a disclaimer, I will be talking about someone in my family who passed away this week from suicide.

Have you ever felt like your mountains were just too much, to high to overcome? I know I have been there. But I can't say that I have ever felt like I was alone. I always felt God next to me, carrying me through the hard times. I know that I can lean on him and give all my fears and anxiety over to him.

Some people may not feel that way. Your mental health is real. Your mind is powerful, your thoughts and words are powerful. Not only to yourself, but to others as well. You never know what someone is going through and what their voices in their mind is saying to them. All the negative thoughts they keep internalized and no one ever sees the struggles they go through. But they can mask all the struggles with smiles and laughs externally. 

Then one day, they break.

I have experienced throughout my life friends, co-workers and now family who have passed away from suicide. It is hard to understand, I know I struggle with understanding why they feel that this world would be better without them. I always wonder if there was something else I could have done, said. What did I miss.

It is up to us to check on our family, friends, co-workers. Especially those that you think have it all together, because they may not. We need to check in with them, and not just ask in passing, how are your doing? But stop, look them in the eye, and honestly ask them, how are you? Show genuine interest in how they are and give them the time to talk about it. You may never know the difference you made with them with just something so simple as giving of your time, your interest, your words. 

People want to feel wanted, needed. I do...do you? 

To all my readers, friends, family.....THIS WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE WITH YOU IN IT! Life is tough, it's not easy and we all need to support and help each other through this life until Jesus calls us home.

If you are having these thoughts of suicide, please reach out to a friend, family or to just someone (anyone) for help. Never give up! To talk with someone call: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number, 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text TALK to 741741 or call 988.

Reflect on the verses below when you are feeling down, alone. And know YOU ARE LOVED.

Isaiah 41:10, from the Bible, says: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

1 John 4:4 states, "Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." 

Love to all, 

What was I thinking?

Not sure if you can tell, but that is a SNAKE! At my front door! I was walking out and before I opened the door, I saw him resting on my stoop. I immediately shut the door. That is a big NOPE for me!

But then I did what any sane person does, I went out the garage so I could video tape it! Looks like about 3 ft long.

After all the excitement and trauma calmed down, I got to thinking about growing up and all the times I could have come face to face with snakes. Let me share some of my experiences growing up.

We would go out and visit my g.ma and when I was young, they had a farm. It included a corn field. My mom and aunt would warn us and tell us not to go in the corn field. Even my g.ma told us to stay out of it. But did that stop us? NO. You already know if you tell a 10 or 11yo not to do something, we are going to do it! Me and my cousins and friends would go play hide and seek in that field. We would run up and down those rows. I think if the movie children of the corn was out and mom would have allowed us to watch it, we would have definitely stayed out of that field. 

Well one day, we were all playing in field, shhh, secretly! And then we hear our parents yelling for us. So we all started running toward the house so we wouldn't get caught. Well guess what, we got caught. But it was a traumatic way to get caught. I think I would have rather seen a snake that day. I got "clothes-lined" by the barbed wire fence! Right between the eyes! I still have the scar to prove it. Growing up can be rough but it only makes us stronger...right?!

Another time when I was around 13 yo, was when our parents and even my g.pa telling us to stay out of the barn. BUT...you already know, Yep, we went right into that barn. There was probably a ton of snakes in that old barn. But we didn't seen any.  The barn was falling apart, the floors on the top floor, well if you want to call them that, you could see right through them to the bottom of the barn. If we fell through it, we would have been hurt badly. But as teenagers, you know it, we didn't listen and went in that barn! And I bet you already know something happened. When we were trying to get out of the barn, we had to climb down the side wall. Well, it was not really a wall, it was planks barely hanging. When we did, my friend started screaming. We didn't know what happened. I would have bet it was a snake, but it wasn't. We had to go to mom and tell her where we were because my friend disturbed a bee or wasp nest and they got into her shirt and stung her a bunch of times. Not only did she get stung, we got caught and worse, got in trouble.....a talking (yelling) too, then grounded because we didn't listen. 

I have many other memories of where I could have come face to face with a snake, and that probably would have been better than the outcomes I experienced, but I won't bore you!  And really, I was a good kid! I think I will blame my disobedience on my cousin. She was a bad influence on me!! haha. (or maybe I was, you know it is always the quiet ones!). 

So I will leave you with some great knowledge from the book of life, no matter how old you are:

Ephesians 6:1-3 "Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

Love to all, 

Rest is not a bad word

 

Rest.. Sometimes, do you feel like it is a bad word? I mean, if your like me sometimes, I feel that I have way too much going on to stop and take a breath, let along take a nap. But, what I really should do IS to stop and rest. I know I have talked before about how the enemy causes so much to keep you busy that you neglect what is important to you.

Rest is important and I have learned that valuable lesson. It has just taken me, oh....a few years to figure it out. The things that I felt were so important and NEEDED to be done, can wait. I now rest. This doesn't mean I take naps or sleep all the time. Rest can mean taking a walk, sitting outside and just soaking in what is around me. Behind my house is a nature preserve and we get a lot of wildlife. It is so amazing to me to see all the deer and rabbits.....SO MANY RABBITS! And the birds, all kinds of them. So relaxing. And I may, or may not, have a beverage with me sometimes!

OR I may be canning pickles! That is a lot of work, but I enjoy it. It is just frustrating sometimes (like today!) when my stinking jars won't seal right. But that is ok. I only lost 4 jars today. 

So I may not be napping like Riley is in the picture above, but I do relax. I spend time with the hubs, I enjoy our conversations. Before it was him listening to me complain and now we just talk about life, things we enjoy, and our house that is being built!

Enjoy your life, love the life you have....you only have one.

Psalm 127:2 "In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to[a] those he loves."

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Love to all,

Pick your hard

 

I was recently on IG, mindlessly scrolling and came across this video that stopped me in my tracks and caused me to think. The video was simple, about taking charge of your health now so you can be healthy and live longer. He said the average woman lives to age 79 and if you put in the time to work out and exercise your body, you can extend your life. I think we all know that, and the problem, at least with me, is that I don't want to work out! (insert the whiny voice). I have to make myself do my walks and workouts. I do have someone that helps hold me accountable....Riley my boxer. She thinks that we must go for a walk EVERY DAY! Well, I guess she knows best, haha.

But....This isn't what caused me stop and think. What did was what he said. He said, pick you hard. Hmmm. Do I want to have a hard life as I get older with decreased mobility, strength and flexibility or do I do the hard work now, so that I can continue to do the things I want to do as I age.  I want to live to a old age, to enjoy life, experience things that I can't do now, and to be old to aggravate my kids, like my g.ma did!

This is good food for thought and it can be applied to other aspects of my life. I need to "Pick my hard" now. The choices I make now, will have long lasting effects in my life. I think when we are younger, we do not think that life will be hard and that our choices can have an affect on us. Like, what we eat, drink, lack of physical activity.  This also can affect how we feel and think, how we see ourselves. The mind is powerful! I was letting life pick the hard times for me instead of me managing the stress of life. It just took some time for me to realize what I was doing and weed out the craziness. 

When I am talking with others that I may not agree with, I think, is this a fight or battle I want to have. Pick your hard. 

When I have decisions to make that may affect others, or affect me in the future, I Pick my hard.

Is it worth losing a friend or family over a difference of opinion? Is it worth not being healthy just to have that donut? Is it worth killing yourself to work a job that you dread going to? Is is worth to not live a healthy life, just to have to take a bunch of medications as you get older because of the choices you made when you were younger? PICK YOUR HARD. 

The start is simple, start small. This will take time. I choose first to have a daily walk with God. Get in his word everyday. Have a relationship with Him and he will never fail you. When life gets hard, He will be there to help you through those times when you have to Pick your hard. 

I choose to exercise, yes I will! At least 3-4 times a week so that I can keep off the weight that I lost. I do not want to gain it back.

I choose to lay off the sweets, and yes, those delicious donuts! It is hard, but I know the reward I will have if I choose to lay off of them!

I need to be better and stay off IG and FB. I am aware that I am on it way too much, but that is a work in progress. I have started reading and now have opened the kindle app with books to enrich my mind. Guess what I am starting with.... the Harry Potter series!

We all know what we have to do, it is just a decision we have to make to get it started and stay with it. Surround yourself with a community, with people who support you and are a positive impact on your life.  We all will have different battles, different "hard" times. We all must "pick our hard" in life and make choices. I wish many blessing to you all as you work through your "hard". 

Hebrews 13:5; Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 reads, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Love to all, 

Kind words

 

Never underestimate the power of a kind word. I was the recipient of just those kind words this week.  A coworker told me how they appreciate my positivity and that I was a "breath of fresh air". Another coworker said I was "a ray of sunshine". When I heard those simple, small compliments, I felt such joy in my heart. I am glad I was able to overcome my sleepiness today to be that ray of sunshine! The hubs was up most of the night coughing out a lung! Those words drove away any grumpiness I had starting today. 

You would never think that something simple would make such an impact. But yet some people only complain and say hurtful things to bring others down. I never understood why some people just enjoy hurting others. Well, I can say I have been on the other side of both, receiving hurtful words and receiving kind words. I have to say that the kind words do make a difference in how you feel. I had also been that person that complained a lot. In the past, when stressed at work, I would complain. It wasn't pretty and I am not proud of that. I complained mostly because I didn't have a lot of control of certain situations. I learned that if you do not have any positivity growing in your life, it is difficult to give to others. It just took awhile for me to realize this and make the changes I needed. 

What changes did I make? Well, I started with taking it to God in prayer. Fully trusting him to guide me in my decisions. The BIG scary decision to change positions at work was the start. That giant leap of faith and trust that God will support me and guide me, was the foundation of my new joy. I now look for joy and happiness in everything I do. I find myself loving myself more and the person I am. I no longer hate who I was becoming, but changing who I am...my mind, my spirit. I now have found a way to start liking and loving the person I am.  

So when you see someone complaining or a little grumpy, they may just need a kind word to turn it all around. You never know what someone is going through and they may not want to let anyone know, but the stress of it may be shown through anger or complaining. The "it" they may be going through may be from work, family trauma, health concerns.

 Scatter those compliments like confetti. Just the small things that are noticed make a big difference. Not only will you build up others, but you will also be on the receiving end of lifting up someone. And nothing feels better than being a part of helping others. 

Ephesians 4:32 instructs, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." 

Romans 12:10: "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." 

Love to all, 

Things we do

 

I'm going to tell you all something you may not want to hear. But it is a hard realization. WE are all turning into our parents! I know I have talked about this before, but it is TRUE! You know, it's funny, you see it more as you get older. You may not want to acknowledge it, but the sooner you do, the more you can accept your fate!

I have noticed that I relate to things that my parents have said to me or done. The saying is true, Just wait until you get older, or, just wait til you have kids. And the really hard part is knowing that your parents were right! But I will never tell them that!

I find it hilarious to watch my parents have conversations and argue over small stuff. It reminds me of when I would watch my grandparents talk. It was funny then too. For example, dad would ask mom if she salted the food at dinner. She would say yes. He would say, well doesn't taste like it. And she would say, well you watched me do it. Then he would say it wasn't enough. Just small funny everyday conversations, don't take for granted. There is so much comedy in everyday life, you just have to pay attention. And this becomes an awesome memory that will bring a smile to your face, like this does for me.

All joking aside, I have learned a lot from my parents and am a better person for their training me into an adult. Don't get me wrong, I have made many mistakes, and have taken the consequences for them. My parents did not spare the discipline! I was grounded a lot and had to face their disappointment too (which was the hardest). But I am loved unconditionally..I am forgiven....Just like Jesus. 

Well, now that I am a parent and my kids are adults, I love to remind them of this realization that I came to know. They will become their parents. They may want to live in denial like I did, but I know all too well, they will realize that I was right! I hope I have given them great memories, like I have with my parents. They have something to look forward too with me and their dad. Because I am turning into my mother and he is turning into his dad. It is going to be a wild ride!

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Love to all, 

The ring

It doesn't look like much. But it means alot to me. Please ignore my aging hand and wrinkly skin! I was gifted this from my memaw before she passed away. The diamonds are small, and it may not be a design that others may choose, but whenever I see this or wear it, I am reminded of my memaw and all the love she gave me. She didn't have to give it to me, but she did. Well, let me correct this. My mother gave me one of the rings and my aunt had the other. When my aunt saw that I had one of them, she said to me, "you may as well have this one to keep the set together". I am forever grateful to my aunt and mom for giving me this token of love from my memaw. 

Today, I picked this ring up from the jewlers. I got it sized and soldered to keep the rings together. He took care to inspect and clean them too. They are perfect (just like me haha). As I was driving home, a flood of memories came to my mind of her and all the time we had spent together over my life time. I will cherish those times.

Funny how this one came to my mind first. I must be needing a scolding or something! One time, I back talked her and she yanked me up, took me outside and took a switch off the tree and smacked me with it! I didn't know what happened. She did it so fast. I never crossed her again!

She would always have hugs for me and cookies when I came to visit, because papaw didn't like to share his ice cream! And oh the deep conversations we would have when I was a teenager. Things that are so important to a teen but looking back where nothing, but she made me feel so loved. Never looked down or told me that my feelings were not important. 

Make memories, one day at a time. Love on each other. Today, is a day I will make more memories with my family. We are going to Hubers Orchard! I love that place, great food and they have a winery! And you all know I like their wine. (Strawberry to be exact in case you are looking for a great Christmas gift for me!). I have both my kids together right now and feel so much joy...complete. So I will soak it up. 

John 13:34-35: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." 

Love to all, 

Overflowing Joy

 I have a feeling of overflowing joy! My family is together for the next 2 weeks. My baby girl has come home to visit and I have both my kids together. It has been 6 months since I have been able to give her a hug and love on her! My son lives close and I am able to see him more, but when I have everyone close to me, it fills my heart. And yes, my kids are in their late 20's but they are still my babies! All the mommas out there know what I am talking about. 

During my morning devotional recently, I heard something that stuck with me from Joyce Meyer that I want to share. She said that everyone has the same amount of commodity of time. We all think that we are going to have enough time and keep procrastinating and putting things off. We get busy and think we don't have enough time to do everything we need to do. BUT, she goes on to say, that God gave us enough time. He gave us 24 hrs in a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. It is up to us to balance our time and use it wisely. 

We decide what we are going to use our time for. What we are going to waste it on. Joyce Meyers taught me that time is a commodity, like money. What we spend it on, like money, we can't get it back. It is spent. So when you spend your time, spend it on what you find important. 

Example: I have been working on my spending and my budget. I have been trying (and I mean it is really hard!) to stay away from amazon. I think I have traded going to target and walmart to online amazon. But I have learned, put it in your cart then sign out. When you go back look at your cart and see if you really want or (erm...need it??). I find that when I go back and look at my basket I am saying to myself..WHAT WERE YOU THINKING PUTTING THAT IN YOUR CART? What I did last week, maybe you can relate! I saw some really pretty dresses, that were not very expensive and put a few in my cart. I went back a few days later and thought, why did I put that in my cart? I don't wear dresses!! And I have worn them in years. I wasn't going to start now!

What I need to work on is my screen time. (again maybe I am speaking to someone with the same problem as me!) My time that I am on my phone and computer. I am working on it and getting that under control. Let's take it once step at a time. But I am taking tips from my dad, and reaching out to family and friends to talk at least once a week and connect. I think it is so important to keep those connections. Just a quick text works, but a phone call is better to hear each others voice! and a visit is even better because you can see each other and even hug!

I am loving my family being together again and we have a lot of plans over the next few weeks. I am looking forward to the time I get to spend with my kids and being together as a family once again in one place! Enjoy the love, the sunshine, (or rain depending on where you live) and time you have left in this earthly body. 

Ecclesiastes 3:2 states, "To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die". 

Love to all, 

The not so quiet

 

Have you ever been sitting in the quiet and it just feels so loud? You can be out in nature, caught up in all the wonder and beauty but not be present.  Sometimes for me, my mind is so loud that I can't see or concentrate on what is right in front of me. I am just thinking about what I need to do or what I could have done differently. It's like this waterfall. It is so peaceful but it is also loud. And when I was there visiting it, there was so many people there that it was hard to hear the quiet peace of the waterfall. 

Life can sometimes be so loud and get so busy sometimes that you just let it go past you and you miss out on so much. For example, over the last few months I have been in a "honeymoon" phase of changing job roles. And don't get me wrong, I love my job and the freedom it has given me. But I am so caught up in the fear of "when is the ball going to drop" on my honeymoon. Or you can be so busy with being on the computer or watching tv that you miss out on life, miss out on the people in your life. 

I know what I have to do, GET OUT OF MY HEAD....MY MIND...OUT OF MY THOUGHTS.  Stop looking at the what if's and concentrate on the present. What I have been doing is taking Riley out for a walk every day, or should I say, she walks me! I have been able to enjoy the sun, the breeze (when it is there!) and get my steps in too, a plus for me! But what it also gives me is time to do is to look around, listen to the leaves, the wind, to get out of my head and have those personal conversations with myself. It gives me time to reflect, or to listen to music. My neighbors must think I am a crazy girl but who cares, right? Sometimes I just hum a tune of a favorite song, and when I am really into it, I just sing it on our walk. You can worship anywhere, anytime. Riley is use to it, but I don't think my neighbors are, haha. 

When you are feeling that life is too loud, just step back, go for a walk, and look around.  Don't worry what other people think, do what puts joy in your heart. Put a smile on your face, that always helps too. And if you need help to find your smile, let Riley help you out. She is so happy on our walks which brings such joy to me, only after I catch my breath from our speed walk. 

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1    The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

2    He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,

3    he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.

4    Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

     your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

5   You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil;

     my cup overflows.

6   Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of         the Lord forever.

Love to all, 

Being a nurse; a perspective from a nurse

 I never thought I would be a nurse. Let alone be a nurse for 33 years! I had a high school counselor tell me in high school that I should be nurse. So what does a typical teenager do? Yep, do the opposite. So I went to college to pursue physical therapy instead. But after  4 1/2 years, nothing! I couldn't get accepted into PT school. So one day I decided that since nursing offers so much more, I decided to apply to nursing school and got in! 

                                           ONE OF THE BEST DECISIONS I HAVE MADE.

You see, I love being a nurse. It just took a while to understand what nursing was really about. When you first graduate, it's like all about the paycheck. But you learn that you can do so much. I started out in the ICU in a general medical ICU. I learned so much that I went into cardiac nursing. Cardiac rehab, open heart recovery, coronary care. Then went into neuro nursing. Along the way I went into management from the bedside. Again I learned a lot. Now I am in a new part of nursing, care management, which is great too!

I have been seeing a lot of posts on facebook that puts the nursing profession and nurses in a bad spotlight. I have worked and still do, with some amazing people. Nursing is hard...NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEARTS!  I have been pooped on, peed on, puked on. I have gagged some because I cannot do snot! sorry. I have been hit, kicked, spit on. We see a lot and have a lot of stress. Especially going through Covid, that was hard. But I have also experienced families praying over me and blessing, a wife of a patient giving me a hug of thanks, families bringing in lunch because they know we are too busy to go get food. Letters and notes of kindness and appreciation. 

It is the hardest 3 shifts/ 36 hrs a week that anyone can do. I remember as a new nurse on night shift many moons ago, we use to bring books and magazines to read because we had down time. We would get a 30 minute lunch break. NOT ANY MORE! Every minute of a shift is filled with tasks, charting, med passes, and just keeping our patients stable and alive. Sometimes we don't get to sit down, just only when we are charting. And if you are lucky you get a potty break! Then we hand them off to the next shift and come back and do it all over again!

What I learned as a nurse that we GET TO DO is:

• Be our patient's person when they do not have family
• Hold someone's hand in a time of need
• Bring joy in time of grief
• Bring comfort in pain
• Bring calm in confusion
• Bring smiles and laughter to a stressful time
• Bring a kind word to a family struggling with difficult decisions
• Saving lives

But this doesn't only apply to our patients...we are supportive of each other too. Giving a fellow nurse a hug, a shoulder to cry when there has been a code. Helping each other with difficult patients that do not understand how their words hurt. Going out for breakfast after your shift for mimosas, just because. I have worked with some of the toughest people but some of the kindest and loving people too.

I have used my knowledge and talents for medical missions and giving advice to family. I have also been a patient too, as a cancer patient and my nurse was such a support to me. 

I have experienced so much over the last 33 years and I know I have more to come. The nursing profession is so rewarding. We give so much of ourselves but in return we see the lives we saved. One example is a patient I had, she had a heart attack, had surgery and we thought she was not going to make it. She was in the ICU for 3 months and she coded so many times and kept coming back, she was our miracle. I have you know that she survived, was discharged to rehab, then to home and came back to see us on the unit. Walked on the unit. It was amazing! And I was part of that care to help her recover and go home to her family. 

So if you are thinking of nursing as a profession, DO IT! You will not regret it. Shadow a nurse for a few hours in different areas to find your place. Not everyone is ICU nurses, just like not everyone (like me) is a pediatric nurse. Never underestimate what being is nurse is. Carry your RN, LPN, APRN title proudly. 

Matthew 25:40; "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." 

Love to all, 

 

The reason...the result

                                                                           2012

Today

        

I started this blog in 2012 because I found it a means to get my story and updates out to family, friends and anyone that was going through breast cancer. What I didn't expect is what this has done for me. You see, this all started on this day, June 1st, in 2012. That is 13 years ago, today, that I was told that I had breast cancer and the start of my journey of treatment, heartache, struggles and then being a SURVIVOR! 13 YEARS. WOW. The fear of it returning is real, and always on my mind, but my faith in God, He keeps me straight. If that is the plan for me to have this struggle again, I'm not gonna lie, it will be heartbreaking, but I know my God has a bigger plan. But God, I am saying, I don't want it again!

He has used my story in so many ways, in opportunities for me to share my story of faith with others. It has opened doors. I have shared with the women ministries on my mission trips, with women's groups in churches and with my patients. Now, do I wish I had another way to open doors than have cancer be a part of my life, well, you betcha! But this is my story, and my story isn't over yet. 

But through it all, these struggles have made me stronger. And I hope my journey has helped others as well. What I didn't expect is that my blog is being read ALL OVER THE WORLD! I really didn't pay attention to the "stats" section in my administrator part of my blog. I guess being that I am the administrator, I should pay attention to this section more. Well,  I started to look at that, I found that people in other parts of the world, not just here, are looking at my blog. I hope they are reading it and not finding it too boring! I pray it is helping others, but isn't this so exciting!! 
People from Ireland, UK, Sweden, Israel, Singapore, Mexico, Germany are a few of the countries listed. I would have never imagined that my words would be used to help others like this. Now there isn't a lot of views, but that's ok. I am planting the seed of courage, confidence and I hope others will gain that in themselves.  

While I am not in the battle of cancer, I, as I am sure others, are in the battle of the mind. Anytime you experience a traumatic season in your life, it will follow you and your mind is your biggest enemy. My mind tells me a lot, every day. I sometimes talk to myself, and others will look at me like I am crazy. Well, I may be, but it is my crazy. My way to keep me positive and keep the joy in my life. So no, it isn't early dementia, even though that may be in my future, but I will tell you, IT ISN'T NOW!  So if you see me rocking it out in my car while driving, or singing while walking my dog, or just being a little quirky, it is good to let loose and experience joy and show that happiness! EXPRESS YOURSELF!    

I will never forget my experience with cancer, how it made me feel and the struggle to stay positive. What I learned was God was with me, always. He carried me and I trusted that. I put a smile on my face each day and that helped with my mind. I praised and thanked God for each day and giving me another one.

I hope my words and my everyday life experiences brings joy to someone. Even if it is just one, I know I have made a difference. 

Romans 5:3-4; "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Love to all,

Family time!

 

The pond, and I think my dad would say that I am a big "dill"!!

The "outhouse"

One of the cat fish we caught

So much fun this weekend! I spent the day with my parents. How many of you can say that you now make plans with your parents instead of being dragged around to family events by your parents?? I remember a time when I was young that I "had to go" and was being "made to go" to family stuff and other things. But now, looking back, I am glad I was there to experience them and look for opportunities to have more! Mom would be the one taking the pictures. I can remember us kids saying, not again! EVen now, she still does, and you can see her holding up her i-pad taking those pictures! Now I take so many pictures because I cherish those memories. I take so many I have to go through them to delete some, there are so many!

This weekend I went to the farm with my momma and daddy. (yes I am 57 yr old and they are still my momma and daddy!). It definitely was a long drive there, but worth it for the memories made. Taking a ride on the side-by-side back around the property to see all the trails, field and trees, to using the outhouse, to fishing on the pond! And the fish were hungry cause we got a whole mess of bluegill and catfish! And the weather was amazing.We couldn't have asked for a better day!

Have you ever felt that when you are with your parents or grandparents, you feel like a kid once again? I feel that way whenever I am with my parents. And there is nothing wrong with that. I know that my kids probably feel the same when they are with me. And now that I am a parent of adult kids, I know how my parents feel. It is hard to let go of wanting to love on and care for your kids like you did when they were young. At the pond fishing, dad helped me with baiting my hook with the worms and taking the fish off the hook after I caught them. It was great, just like when I was young. It is hard to adult sometimes and it feels good when you have your daddy to help, even if it is just a worm or fish. (not to say that I couldn't bait my hook with the slimy worms or take my own scaly fish off my hook! hmm)

I also took a lot of short videos. Technology has made it so easy to save memories. I am into taking these short videos of people and some conversations. It is a reminder of their voice, what they sound like, and even if the conversation isn't important, it shows that personality that you would want to see over again. 

Whoever your family is, make time for them. It can be your neighbor, a friend, a co-worker, or a distance relative. Whoever it is, make those memories. Be intentional with your time that you have with them and your words. 

Proverbs 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." 

Malachi 4:6: "And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers"

Love to all,

You are my sunshine!

WOW! It is so good to feel the warmth of the sun! The seasons are changing and now the sun is shining and we are all able to get out and enjoy it.  It brings a smile to face and joy to my heart to see all the flowers and the colors popping out this season. My flowers I planted last week, well, I can say they are still alive, but one of them looks like they are hanging on to dear life. I never really had a green thumb, and it isn't from lack of trying! I just don't think plants like me...LOL

As  you can see, my hair is still growing...I have not given up on the curls! and OH the gray! It really is showing. I think I am way too young for gray, I may have to look into some of that box color stuff! haha

I am so excited to get started on our house build. This is a view from what will be our back porch! I love it and can't wait for our new home and new beginnings to start!

I am looking forward to be out of the city. It won't be quite country life, but close. All the stress of having to be so aggressive when driving, rude people, and the traffic, I am ready to get out of this and to a much more quieter life. Crickets, trees, listening to wind, being able to hear my own thoughts. Ahh , sounds good, right?

I'm not sure what my dog, Riley is going to think of it. That big backyard to run around and chase the rabbits and other critters! I am sure she will be happy to move away from Lulu, our dog next door who is always trying to get her attention with barking! We had a hole in the fence where Riley and Lulu could see each other through it, but we had to close it because it was beginning to be too much barking at each other. I don't think Riley really likes Lulu that much.

All of this to say, even with change, I (we) still survive. Sometimes it is hard, but taking the time to look around, experience life, no matter how small, reminds you that you are still alive. Even if it is dogs barking, colors of the trees or flowers, or just enjoying the warmth of the sun, we are alive!

Psalm 118:24:

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." 

Romans 15:13:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Love to all, 

Happy Mother's Day

 

Happy Mother's day to you all. Just think about this....If it wasn't for your mom, you wouldn't be here!!

This day is always a reminder to me of where I was and where I am today. What I have done as a parent before and after my kids. Today is a happy day for me. 

We all have mothered one way or another. Some have been blessed with children of their own and I am happy that you have them. Some are aunts and I have some aunts that are just like a mom to me. Some are in that struggle of wanting children but has not been blessed yet. Before I became a mom of little humans, I was a dog mom. And I wore that title and continue to wear it proudly.

Children, they truly are a blessing. I have 2 children and for me to get them, well it took us down a long road of infertility ups and downs to have them. This mother's day can be a hard one for those wanting to make a family, have children but not being able to. I understand. When we were trying to figure out what was happening, and the why we couldn't, it seemed everyone around me were having babies. That is all I wanted and it consumed me. It was like I was being punished. I had always thought I would be a mom and the thought of never have children never crossed my mind. Then infertility struck. It was a huge blow to me. It took me down that road of discouragement.  Feeling I was not who I had planned myself or my life to be. 

It took me a while to figure out that this didn't define me. I could be a mom to a child whether or not they came from me. A mom is someone that is there for their children, whether the are biological or adopted. We discussed our options, decided that we would try IVF and if it didn't work, then we would look at adoption. We did IVF and were blessed. 

My prayer is that if you are going through this infertility journey, please don't let it discourage you. It is a hard road to travel. And I pray you find strength within yourself on this journey. 

For me, I was blessed to have my prayers answered and even more blessed with 2 beautiful children. The journey, many prayers and times on my knees, I would do it all over again. 

I love being a mom. It has had it's hard times. And I know I have failed at it at times. But I am only human, and I have never been a mom before. So throughout my childrens 28 years of life, we are doing this thing together. Me and my husband struggle at times, but our parents have led by example what good parents are supposed to be. I thank them for that example and to show us what we should and should not do. 

So, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO YOU ALL! This is your dad and just know that you are appreciated for all that you do.

Psalm 34:18 states "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

Love to all, 

Evansville Serve Tour!

 

Evansville did not disappoint! It was wonderful. The serve tour was represented by 41 churches, we had 14 projects. I had such so much fun and found muscles that I forgot I had.

Day one was at the playground at an elementary school. The project assigned for me was to mark out a hopscotch, 2 square and 4 square games then paint it on the walk.  I did not know anything about 2 square or 4 square.  Thank goodness for you tube! I had to watch it to see exactly what we needed to do.

So we started with the one we knew, hopscotch.  We had to measure out, tape it out, then paint it. It wasn't until toward the end, like on block 8, that we were given a framing square. That helped so much more than the tape measure! After we got it done, of course I had to test it out. I had to see if it worked.  Well I am glad to tell you that the hopscotch worked.

We moved onto the 2 and 4 square and we got them done before the rain.  Well we thought the rain was coming, but guess what! It never came, on either of the days. God answered prayers and he held it back until Sunday so we could get all of our projects completed.  Everything was painted, bushes cut back, wood chips raked and fluffed. And this was the first day and it was good.

Day two.  It was a little different. We worked one of the block parties and it was cold! No sun but again the rain held off! We had carnival games, a magician, cotton candy, hot dogs and popcorn and an inflatable obstacle course! So you ask, did you do the obstacle course? Do you even need to ask?  Of course I did! and the 4 yo that raced against me, well, lets just say I didn't win any awards! haha. I think I would have won if I didn't get stuck trying to get over the wall! Took me a few times. 

A few things I learned this weekend: 

1. Don't be afraid to have fun and be silly

2. Always Trust in God, he will answer prayers

3. It is a small world. Found out the team I was helping with the hot dogs is the church my cousin goes to in Illinois! So watch out, you never know who is watching you!

4. God works through even ordinary people like me. We saw God work this weekend through all our serve projects. I met some great people and I look forward to the next trip.

It was a short weekend with big things done. We made a difference with so many people and kids. I am glad to be part of this small plan in this moment of time.

1 John 4:7

"Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. God's love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him."

Love to all,

Go serve

 

Today's the day. Our travel day to GO SERVE the community in Evansville, IN with Send Relief.  I am so excited for all the work we will be doing to help that community. And to also witness to them and show the love of Jesus. 

I am packed, got my work gloves and work shoes and ready to GOOOOOO! Me and my friend B will be working for 2 days. Our first day is to replace, repaint and renew an elementary school playground. When we finish, maybe the paint will be dry enough for us to test out the playground. You know....make sure that it is safe for the little ones (wink, wink)

The second day will be working with a local church to connect and serve the community around the church. We will be having a BLOCK PARTY!! This is going to be great! We will be setting up and cleaning up afterwards but also serving food, help with games and show the love of Christ. And there will be inflatable bouncy thingy's!! You know if I can get into them, I WILL! I think I will blend in with the kiddos. I don't look a day over........

I do not know what God has in store for me or my friend B, but I know that it will be something extraordinary! God doesn't do small. Things may look small, but it will always turn into something BIG! I just go when HE tells me and do what his plan is and see God work. It is pretty amazing to watch and be a part of the plan. 

Please pray that through our small acts of works, God will show up with something more bigger, something that only HE can do!

Oh and update on the hair....I am still in the game. It's growing and the curls are OUT OF CONTROL! (haha) 

I leave you with the promises from God today. Have a blessed and safe weekend. 

Mark 10:45: "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Isaiah 6:8: Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Love to all, 

Be Silly

 

Have you ever done something and you just don't care what other people think? Like just acting silly? Just letting it all out and being happy.

Well, that is what happened on Easter! I just let it all out. No reservation and just had fun. My family gets together every year to remember Jesus' sacrifice and our salvation. We have an awesome dinner and fellowship, but then after that, let the games begin. We have, not one, BUT 2 egg hunts. One for the kids and one for us adults! Well, it seems all our little youngin's are all grown up and we only had 2 for our kiddo egg hunt. So some of us got together with our inflatable costumes and came out to surprise everyone for a little different hunt! I was the swan, and we had a leprechaun, dinosaur and a chicken. It was awesome! It is hard to move around and pick up eggs off the ground in those things!

I haven't had so much fun in a really long time where I just get out there, do something crazy and not really think about what others think about what I am doing! Being present and participating. Just letting my hair down (I can do that now that it is growing out! haha). 

Sometimes do you feel we get so caught up in life that we do not stop and laugh. To smell the roses. To just have fun. Smile. And did I say laugh? Life is not always so serious. Life can be fun and you can be happy. You just need to find your happiness and what that looks like for you. 

        

A HAPPY HEART IS GOOD MEDICINE

Proverbs 17:22: "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

Psalm 37:4: "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart".

Love to all, 

Our Promise

 

We have a Promise. We have been given much. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way. We can't hold it, touch it or see it. And this gift given to us was from many years ago. It has been freely given and handed down to us as God's people, his child. 

Today is Easter. We celebrate that gift today. Not the easter bunny, but Christ. His sacrifice for us, for me. We are not worthy of this, but he loves us so much that he did this for us, those in his present time and those of us to come later. He loves us even though we are sinners. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." John 3:16 states, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." 

HE overcame death so we can have life, life eternal with him. Trust in him. Live a life for him. With Jesus, we can overcome anything. 

So while you are out today, celebrating with family and friends, hunting down those easter eggs (like me!) and putting on your easter clothes (not me, just jeans!), remember what today is really about....Our saviour and the greatest gift of all...forgiveness and love. 

John 16:33 says: "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But be courageous; I have overcome the world."

Love to all, 

Trust the process

 

I went to the beauty salon, hairdresser, whatever you all call it and got my hair cut. It's been a while since I have always had my hubs cut my hair. Yes you heard me! But I am needing some professional work since I am trying to grow it out. And anyways, my  hubs is telling me he is retiring from his cutting hair gig! So I guess you can say I was forced to find a new hairdresser. 

I was really nervous because I think I got a girl that is new at this. She was very shy, didn't say much and seemed to be working on her confidence level. Which made me more nervous. But I kept telling myself to TRUST THE PROCESS. 

As she was cutting my hair, I was certain she really was struggling with what I asked. I only asked her to even it out, trim the ends. I showed her a before picture of where my hair was at and then a picture of what I was working toward. Again, I was telling myself, TRUST THE PROCESS!

It only took her 15 minutes and I swear it felt like she didn't cut much of anything.  I'm not judging, but I was just a little uneasy since I did pay $60 for this hair trim. 

But today....I feel like my hair responded pretty good! It is still in that "in the middle" phase and will probably be there for a while, but she did a pretty good job. I have no complaints. I guess she DID know what she was doing! haha

Sometimes, do you ever feel like you are in those situations. Times when you are unsure and you keep hearing that little voice say "trust the process".  It is hard to trust something that you do not have full confidence in or something you cannot see. We all want to have those assurances that whatever it is, it will turn out the way we want. BUT, as you know, it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you have to face disappointment. Sometimes you have to wait until what you are wanting happens at that right time. Like that job promotion, or getting a raise or starting a family, getting married and the list can go on. Everyone has those moments in time. 

Whatever you are working towards, stay strong and courageous. God is with you through all the ups and downs in life. He will walk with you, carry you and hold you in all the good and bad times. There were many times that I had wanted something so bad and God told me no.  I was so upset and even yelled at God! He can take it and he understands our frustrations. God knows our hearts and thoughts. He carried me through some disappointments in my life. But looking back, I am glad God said no at those times, because I was not ready for that yes at that time I was seeking it. Trust in HIS process! Trust in HIS timing. 

Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." 

Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Love to all,

Doing it again!

 

Welp, I am trying it again. Yep, growing out my hair. I seem to get to a certain point and say, "I give up, I'm cutting it" and then I go back to short. But I am determined to get to my goal...just don't know what that goal length is. I guess I will know it when I get to it.

I just need to get an in between cut/trim. The problem is that the hubs has been cutting my hair and now I need to go and trust someone else to do it.  And that means I have to tell them what I want and how I want it cut. I DON'T KNOW!! That is probably why I keep going back to short hair....something that I know, the familiar.  And I know what you are saying, you let your husband cut your hair?. Yes I do. He isn't a barber, he just watched some videos on You Tube and does a really good job! You can learn a lot from You tube! LOL.

Bed head is another problem with thick,curly hair! Gotta love the curls!

With anything in life, there is going to trials. Me and growing out my hair and managing the morning bed head curls.  Or it maybe something else..something more challenging. We all have them.  Challenges, trials, But we get up every day, put our feet on the floor and move. That takes a strength that we sometimes take for granted. It takes courage. I am thankful that I wake up everyday, with breath in my lungs. That I have the courage to get up and live.

This week, Kentucky is facing many challenges with flooding and severe weather. A lot of people have lost so much... some have lost their life, some have lost their home.  I have family that have experienced some flooding, but have been lucky. If you are a praying person, please life up in prayer the families in KY and pray for courage to face the trials ahead of them. 

No matter what you are facing, going through or have walked through, God is with you. I pray for everyone reading this, that you have peace and strength to get through the challenges that life throws at you. You are strong!!

Joshua 1:9 Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" 

Psalm 46:1-3: "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, and the mountains quake with their surging." 

Philippians 4:13: "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." 

And my favorite, go to verse when I need to be reminded:

Isaiah 40:29-31: "He gives power to the weary, and to those who are without strength he increases might. Even the young men will faint and be weary, and the young women will stumble and fall; but those who wait for the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint." 

Love to all,