If you know me, and most of you do, I like to be in control. I like to be the boss. I want to be in control and sometimes I feel I have to be in control of everything in my life. When you start to take control, things just don't work out like you planned. This is me. You would think that maybe I would have learned after 48 years of life that I AM NOT IN CONTROL!!!
I have been praying, crying, pounding fists, temper tantrums but it all goes back to I must stay out of God's way for my life. But as a human, this is hard.
As of 2 months ago, I came off all of my "cancer" medications! I made this decision, took control. I am tired of being defined by cancer. Cancer is a piece of my life. Exactly, 16 months of treatment and then 2 more years of "maintance" out of my life. It feels like a life time but if you put it in perspective, it is just a piece. So now I am going to put it all behind me and look to the future. I have this piece of experience that helped me grow and hopefully my story will help others. But this does not define me.
Now I am looking ahead. I am giving it all back to God. He will be my light, my guide in this life. I sure do need help giving up the control. This is going to be a lot of work, for God especially. I am sure if God could ground me I would be in time out all the time. Once I put my courage and trust in God, I know my life will be back on the right road.
My next step in this courage walk is following God's will in missions. It has been 5 years since my first trip. I remember being so afraid but once I trusted God, that fear was gone and I was able to live. I remember being more happy, my life less stressful.
As I read my Bible, and the many promises that God has given me, this one stands out today for me.
"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to the completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6 ESV
AND another one...
"To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving oyu an example, that you should follow in his steps." 1Peter 2:21 NIV
Love to all,
