that guilt feeling

 

Sometimes, your mountain seems so big that you do not know how to get over or around it. Right? And you try to do things yourself only to find that your way isn't the right way. God always has a plan, he just doesn't let us in on it! We only know the ending but not when that ending is going to come. What a sense of humor our God has. I can just imagine him sitting there watching me every day and thinking "what is she going to do today?" 

Sorry to be a downer today! It's just been a really hard last 6 months and I feel I have climbed over this mountain to the other side...FINALLY! 

When I look back on my life.. of ahem... 57 years, I have experienced so much and have had a lot trials and tribulations. But I have also has so much more goodness, and happiness. And throughout all those trials, God has held me, and led me. I just had to give up the control.

Sometimes we just stay with our mountains, trying to keep the control! Until you just don't have anything else to give. And that is when you realize it is time to hand it over to God. That's what I had to do. I had to stop trying to manage it all....my life, work, family and all the rest in between and just say "Jesus take the wheel"! Once I did that, so much relief flooded my soul.  I am happy, smiling, and soon to be enjoying life more.

It just took me a while to see this. You see, for me, it was my work. I have been a nurse for so long. I moved up to management and love it. But I let my job overtake me. I let it consume me. So much that I was neglecting myself and my family. No job should come above God or family. It just took a while to figure out that I can't do this alone and needed help.

So with that, me and my hubs decided it was time for me to step down. I can't tell you how hard that was but how relieved I was at the same time. And the enemy knows this. The enemy is playing on this and now giving me those feelings of guilt. Those feelings of "maybe this was a big mistake", "maybe I made the wrong decision". Have you ever felt that way? I know this isn't the first time and probably won't be the last.

But when I made that decision and my kids are telling me that it's about time, I know that I have failed them and myself. It is time to go forward. Put it behind me and make new memories. 

Proverbs 3:5-6; "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Psalm 16:11; "You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

1 Peter 5:7; "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you"

Whenever you feel this way, look to God, lean on Jesus and talk with him, every day. Read his word and the promises he gives us. He will guide you and bring you joy. I can speak from experience. Without God, I would be nothing. 

Love to all, 

I'm back!

 

Well, I am back. Not that I have a lot of followers! But I am sure those who are wondering, where have you been?? 

A lot of things have been going on, one big thing is....we moved and that  has been a life changing experience! We are living back in the city and oh, baby, I can tell I have been away for a while. I miss the quiet, country life. 

The small town feel and friendliness of people. Traffic is cRaZy here! I have to learn to watch from all sides and just pick a lane and stay in it! Today, I was driving to the store and there was a guy that just kept honking his horn. I don't know if it was me or someone else, who knows. 

Our house is a lot different than I am use to. We are renting right now, because we are getting ready to start building a new house...in the country!  This house is temporary and ok but not what we would choose as our forever home. We took a Sunday drive out to the area where we will be living and how I do miss the back, country roads, no traffic and nobody in a stinkin hurry. Makes my heart happy that I have that to look forward too.  Now to figure out where we will do our shopping, because there is not any superstores and only a small family market for groceries! I may have to plant a garden!

And the biggest news of all, I am also changing jobs! I am moving into a position that will allow me to have more time with my family.  This is something that I have taken for granted and I need to concentrate on putting them first, not my job. So I am stepping down and I have never felt more happy about a decision. I am looking forward to this new part of life and getting to know my husband again. 

I know nothing about this new job, as I have never done it before, but I am so excited to learn and grow in a different direction. This is best part about being a nurse, you can do so much and in different areas. You can still help people in many different ways. I LOVE IT! 

    I got my orientation schedule the other day. So weird to get one because for so long I have been making and sending those out.  I can't stop smiling when I think about this new step in my life. 

God has answered so many prayers and has been so patient with me. Sometimes he has to keep giving me signs and putting things and people in my path for me to piece it all together to know what direction to go. I know and trust that he is guiding us and will provide for us and our needs. 

There is more life changing experiences coming my way and I am ready for them!

Psalm 16:11, “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”

The Good News: Life is full of ups and downs — moments where we wonder if He has abandoned us. But with His guidance, we can find happiness.

Love to all,

girls trip!

 What a time we had! A well deserved weekend with my girls! We went to Gatlinburg and oh what a weekend. We saw lots of wildlife....a BEAR! right outside our hotel. But we didn't stick around long enough to get friendly. I think when I screamed "A BEAR!" I must have scared him away. But the next morning, I went out to the tree he was scratching and saw the freddy kruger nail scratches on the tree!!

The other wildlife we saw was a lot of Elks. My cousin walked right up to one of them at a shopping center and didn't even know it was real! She said "I saw it and thought it was a statue and thought the taxidermist did a great job until I saw it move!"We all got a great laugh out of it. 

Well, we had lots of laughs, girl talk and just some relaxing time. The nature was so beautiful and peaceful. The babbling brook, color of the trees and the sun shining through was just what my soul needed. I recommend a girl time weekend for everyone! And if you need someone to have your girl weekend, just give me call....I'm your girl! 

A friend loves at all times..Proverbs 17:17

Love to all, 

Reflection and memories

Sorry I have been MIA lately. A lot has been going on and it just seems that when I think that I am about to the surface, I get pulled back under once again. It isn't one thing, just different areas in my life all happening at once.

But today, it was hard. You see, my best friend died Sunday. Today we laid her to rest. Lee, oh excuse me, Leandra, has been through alot. (I have always called her Lee, but as she got older, she always corrected me and insisted I call her Leandra!) 

Well, as I reflect on her funeral and burial today, all those memories of our life flooded back to me. I want you to know who this wonderful lady was and keep her memory alive. She was my first friend. We were born 3 months apart, in 1967, and she never let me forget that she was the oldest. That is until we started to get older, then she didn't want to think about her being the oldest. She was very competitive and liked being first. She got her car before me, her drivers license before me, she was married first and had her baby before me. She even was a memaw before me! She loved it and I loved that we had that little competition between us. 

She loved nature and the outdoors. She would fish and hunt and always call me soft because I wouldn't shoot a shotgun.  Well I admit it, I am soft. I don't want that bruise on my shoulder from the kick of the gun! I remember going to her house and she would be nursing some wild animals, like racoons or possums to health. She couldn't let a stray cat go hungry, so they all knew where to go. She loved her dog and cat, cesar and fat cat, I didn't like that dog, he was mean to me!

Growing up, we would have so many slumber parties, staying up all night, then trying to stay awake on Saturday mornings to watch Shawn Cassidy in the Hardy Boys mystery show! We would sing Dolly Parton songs, like Joellene, then later sing to ACDC and REO Speedwagon. And these were all by records or cassettes. You may have to google that if you don't know them!

She was the one that taught me how to parallel park. Well I don't think she taught me, because I struggled with it after her lessons! 

Lee was full of life and didn't take and shit from anyone. She was a reckoning to be dealt with. Sometimes scary.  Oh, wait, I just remembered something else and I can't help from laughing as I type. One day, (one of the many days when my family would go to  her house to visit), we were outside at dusk by the street light. Yes, this was when we would stay out all day, then wait for our parents to holler at us to come inside. I think we were about 13 or 14 at this time. We were out there because of a really cute guy that lived in her neighborhood. He didn't know me and we thought we would play a trick on him. So she told him I was her cousin from a different country and I didn't speak English. OMG, we had him going and he believed us, that is that night. The next time we saw him, we had to tell him we were tricking him. Well, we never talked to him again. I guess he didn't like that!

We did get into a lot of trouble, especially when we were at our papaw Wix's pay lake. We would have water fights, and trash the bathrooms with water and papaw would get so mad. He would try to whoop us but we would just run away. That is until he told our parents and then we got in trouble AND had to clean it up!  

I remember one time, we tried to trick grandma, and we went out to the cow pasture and took a dried cow patty and put it in our back pocket. We then walked around for a while with that in our back pocket to see how long grandma would notice it. Well, it didn't take her that long, and I can hear her now saying "get that out of the house!" She would try to be so serious but I know she was laughing after we ran out. She always joked and said that she was going to find us our husband and he would be a farmer just like papaw. Well that was not good, because we wanted someone like Andy Gibb!

I have so many more memories and I won't bore you with them. We talked about life and so many things. As she started to get sick, it was harder to talk with her. I could tell our relationship was not as close as before. But I know we loved each other. I know she had those same memories. I know when we talked or texted, she loved me and I loved her. 

I am not saying goodbye, but saying see you soon. Because I know where she is. She is without pain, she is not laid up in the bed, but she is dancing and singing. And when it is my time to leave this earthly pit, I know that she will be there greeting me at heavens gate. With her beautiful long, red hair and her sassiness! 

I leave you with this, 

John 14:1: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me"

Revelation 21:4: ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Love to all, 

Me time

I can do it. That is what I kept telling myself. And sometimes I have to tell myself this everyday! I can do it, I can do today, I am strong. Well, I AM strong! And I should not let anyone tell me any different.

This past week I was an overcomer. I had to overcome a lot and I challenged myself in activities that I never thought I would be able to accomplishment.  Let me start from the beginning.

I went on vacation with my daughter to Colorado Springs. She made all the plans of activities and we had a fabulous time. I want to share my experience with you and let you know that you too can be an overcomer.

Day one: we went to the Garden of the gods. I would recommend that to everyone. It was magnificent and amazing to see the wonderful nature that God has given us. You just can't put it into words and I couldn't stop looking up at the rock formations. It truly was amazing. Then we went off trail and hiked the trails around the rocks. That was an experience. I am a 56 yo women with my young athletic daughter hiking trails. She was patient with me and let me take breaks and walk slow at times. And I was slow. I pushed myself and I did it! 

Day 2: we went to the Gorge and rode the gondola. We were 12,000 feet above the ground. There was this false sense of security because we were enclosed in the gondola. But it was a beautiful site to see below.  Along the side of the river is the train tracks!

Day 3: This was the test! We went to 7 falls and it was beautiful as well. I found out that I have a tendency for panic attack with heights. We had to climb the very long, see through stair case to the top. Half way up I realized how far up I was on this rickety stairs, and I start to panic. I made it, but when at the top I realized the only way down is back down those stairs! My daughter thought a hike through one of the trails at the top of the falls would keep my mind off of that and give me a break from the stair climb. So off we go! We decided to take the trail to the top, they called it inspiration point. So on our way.....up...and up.... I had to start my HR monitor on my watch because I could feel my heart pounding and HR go up. I checked and it was in the 170's!! I was giving myself a stress test!! Well, needless to say, I didn't make it up to the top. My daughter was very understanding. We got almost to the top but not quite to the top. She turned around and went back down with me. I think I gave her the excuse to come back down! It was a tough hike!  (the picture below is the steep trail!)

So now, after the hike, we made it back to the falls and those dreaded stairs. I took a deep breath and started down. My daughter was behind me and she was a big help. She told me to look at my feet, don't look up and she would guide me. She would say "step, step, step, step," to keep a cadence and keep my mind off of how far up we were.  Well, I MADE IT!! 

OVERCOMER! That is what we both did. My daughter had a panic attack the day before when we had to watch across the suspension bridge at the gorge. She said that today, she had to be the strong one because we couldn't both have a panic attack at the same time! 

(the bridge going down)

This was a great trip. I did a lot that I didn't think I would do. I survived hiking, heights and very long walks. 

God's creation is so beautiful and must be experienced. Whether it is on vacation or just in your back yard. Look with intention and  see what is around you. You will not be disappointed. 

Psalms 139:14: I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Love to all,