October, a hard month

 October is a hard month for some. It is breast cancer awareness month. It brings up a lot of memories for some of us and is a reminder, not that we already have them on our body, of what we went through. It doesn't matter how long ago your cancer was, it still stings. And it may not be you that had the cancer, but you went through it with your wife, mom, friend and your hardship and memories of it is just as important and hard to manage at times. I get it.

For me and my experience, I go through some times where I am good and say "I am a survivor" then other times it's like, I am so sick of the reminders of this VERY hard time in my life. The reminders are all the time: mammograms, doctor visits where you have to give your history over and over, OCTOBER and the "pink" everywhere, and the "squeeze your boobs" reminders!

Yes I am a survivor, and being that survivor comes at a cost. I started my cancer journey June 2012, ended my treatments chemo, radiation and monoclonal antibody therapy July 2013, and then started tamoxifen and Letrozole therapy for 8 years. The cost of cancer for me was the mutilation of my body with lopsided boobs from surgery and radiation (which really suck!!), the hair loss, PTSD fear of cancer of it returning every time I go for a test or feel something on my body, and weight gain that has taken all this time to lose. 

                             2012                                                                    Sept 2025

  

BUT...there is always a but. You know me....I have to not concentrate on those negatives and find what I can to make it through this thing called life! What I did gain was: FIRST- a closer relationship and understanding of Jesus. I learned to value life each day, even though I sometimes take it for granted. But then I get a kick in the butt and realize I only have one life to live. I also got the luxury of not having a lot of hair growth on my legs! It has taken a while, but it is slowly growing back, but just around my ankles after 13 yrs! Go figure. My hair has come back more curly than ever, since I am growing it out. It looks like when I use to perm it back in the 80's! Also, through my experience, I can help others that are experiencing this. It helped me through my sickness to know that someone was there to walk me through it, and let me know how to navigate it and get through it.

All that aside, I don't know why I went through this trial in 2012 and why my body got cancer, but I am going to use it for good, even though the world or the devil wants to use it for bad. I will not let it get me down and on those days I start to feel the weight of it (or the month of October), I will remind myself of all the good that came from this experience. And I might even go and get me some new boobs at some point so they won't be lopsided anymore!

If you are going through something like this, stay strong! You can do more than what your mind thinks. Your mind succomes to what your body is feeling, but you must push through! We all are survivors of something! If you are that caregiver or supporter, be strong for them. Give them encouragement...daily. Trust me, it helps. Small notes of encouragement, send texts just to say I love you, tell her she is beautiful (even without hair) or just something silly. Or just be presence. Go with them on their treatments. 

You are blessed because you woke up this morning. You can feel the breath in your lungs, and if you are like me, you can feel the soreness in your body trying to get out of bed! But I am thankful because that is from my exercise and being able to still do it! And you are blessed because Jesus loves you!

 Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds"

Psalm 30:2 "Lord my God, I called to You for help, and You healed me" 

Love to all,

Peace like a river

 

Ever wonder what the person meant by the saying "peace like a river?" Because a lot of rivers I have seen, especially after rain, they are not peaceful. Like the river pictured above. It had not rained, but it was pretty rough and the current was pretty fast. 

Sometimes I feel my life is like that, peace like a river. Some days are good and some are, well....not so good. But did I survive? Well yes I did! Lately, it has been a little stressful, with work, the house build, just life. I even have experienced a little road rage driving home in some major traffic. I know, I should be calm and forgiving, but sometimes when a 25 minute drive turns into an hour, well that will get the best of anyone!

Just a side note, when you are stuck in traffic, what I have learned is to roll the windows down, if you have a sunroof, open it up, and turn up the volume on your music. Then belt it out! SING! Jam out! (you may have seen me on  1-64, yes I am that crazy lady singing in my car!). That will change your whole attitude and when others see you, they will smile and it will change their mindset too. I know when I see someone in their car singing and rocking out to the music, it brings a smile to me because I know that feeling. The feeling of just being in the moment and not letting the things around you bother you. 

So get out there. Dance and sing like nobody's watching. And if they are, who cares?? Peace comes, you just have to let it in.

 

Isaiah 66:12 in the New International Version (NIV) reads, "For this is what the Lord says: 'I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; you will nurse and be carried on her arm, and dandled on her knees'". According to Google AI, this verse describes God's promise of overflowing prosperity and comfort to His people, comparing the peace and abundance to a river and a nourishing mother. 

John 7:38; Jesus says, "Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them"

Love to all, 

surfs up dude!

 Sometimes as I am growing out my hair I feel like it is just a hot mess! I think that is why I kept it short for so long. I could never get past a few months of growing it out. I think my family had bets on how long it would take me to get it cut whenever I said I was going to grow my hair out. The reason I kept getting it cut is I felt it didn't look professional since I was a manager and felt I looked like I was a surfer dude all the time. I am no surfer dude! You would not catch me that far out in the ocean. I barely walk in the ocean up to my calves. Why?  Have you heard of sharks?? NOPE...NOPE...NOPE. But I am embracing the curls, still, and enjoying the freedom, and those with curls know they have a mind of their own!

Since I am no longer in management, I feel like I can be freer with my hair, like I have given myself permission to "let my hair down" haha!  Don't get me wrong, I do not just let it go. I style my curls, when they let me. But it is a style that I am still trying to get use to, the messy curl girl style. And it is taking so dad-gum long to grow. Like what the heck?! 

As we go on the curl journey together, and yes, you are on this journey with me, it will be a struggle but one that we will win! My plan/goal is to get my hair to my shoulders and as you can see, I have a way to go. So your job in this journey is to keep me going, keep me from cutting my hair and get me to the finish line! As it is growing, I still have not picked a style. I think it would probably be a good idea to get one and not just let the curls be the boss. I am looking and have something in mind, but need my hair to be longer!!

What is this journey teaching me? All journeys have a lesson it. Everything we go through in life will teach us a lesson. I am learning patience and (as I have said before) trust the process. Hopefully, my goal is by Christmas, I will have a new look and maybe take a few years off of me! (a girl can only dream). I leave you today, once again, with some of God's promises and wisdom!

Ecclesiastes 7:8; “The end of something is better than its beginning. Patience is better than pride.”

Exodus 14:14; "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Love to all,

Step counting

 

Have you ever taken a challenge and then asked yourself, "what was I thinking?"!! Well I have. I signed up for a step challenge at work for this month. (what was I thinking!) I normally keep track of my steps I take each day but since starting this step challenge, my mind is saying, DO MORE. You see, I am a competitive person. And I really want my name in the drawing for the prize (who doesn't like to get prizes!)  and to get your name in the drawing, you have to meet the goal of logging a minimum of 5,000 steps a day. While it isn't a problem for me to get that many steps during the week, the weekend is a different challenge. 

Can I just say that this challenge is really pushing me! During the week, I walk A LOT at work. Let me just tell you.....I have mapped out my path from my office desk to the units in the hospital I serve, and it is .33 miles, one way. I walk this path 6 times a day, not to mention that my 2 units are on opposite ends of the floor in the hospital. I do A LOT of walking. I have also started to take the steps. Well....I must confess, I don't do the steps all the time, but will take them if it is 2- 3 floors. Any more than that, you would have to resuscitate me. To get those extra steps in, Riley gets a walk everyday after I get home from work. That circle around our neighborhood is .83 miles. And believe me, she will not let me forget about her walks. I am going to have to get her some doggie shoes for winter this year, but that will be another story for a different day. (sorry, had a squirrel moment in thought!)

So now, my poor "young" body is starting to feel it! Now I know why knees and hips are so sore. I won't blame it on me getting older, that will be our secret. We will just say it is exercise and the weather changing! You got that?

Well the question you are asking me now is, are you meeting that goal? What kind of question is that?! Of course I am, and then some! Remember when I said I am a little competitive? I am stepping a minimum of 8,000 steps a day. Now the weekends are a little different, especially Saturdays. Saturdays, I tend to binge Netflix and kick back in my chair. Like yesterday, I logged, 3,605. I didn't meet the 5,000 step goal, but again, I was chillin in my chair and taking a day off. I think we all need that one day to nap, chill and watch your show all day! (right now my show on Netflix is Scandal)

As my blog title is "loving life", I am doing just that. No matter what it is, step counting, chillin out or just walking the dog, life is worth loving. And my smile each day just proves that I am loving life!

Philippians 4:19;  "And my God will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus".

Ezekiel 37:5;"This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life"

Love to all,

How to calm a busy mind or heart

 

I love flowers, I love how something so small is so beautiful. It brings a peace to any room.

Is your mind always on play? Are you always thinking about something, even when you should be resting, meditating? I feel that way too sometimes. Not sure why, but it comes up at the worse times, like when I am trying to sleep. Especially when I wake up in the middle of the night to pee and try to go back to sleep. My mind wonders. Here is some of the things I think about: 

• How am I going to take out the dog to pee at the new house? Our new house back door is like a second floor (we will have a walk out basement). and I just know that ole Riley will not walk out and down the deck stairs to go pee at 2:30 am!
• Crazy dreams of swimming through my house while it floods inside but nothing outside!
• Where am I going to put my furniture and how am I going to decorate my house
• Did I miss something at work and replaying my work day

My mind won't turn off! Today, while listening to a sermon podcast, the minister asked chat GPT a question and I thought I would do the same. He asked "If you were the devil, what would you do?"  And the answer is shocking!

It said: The devils goals would to involve undermining what is good, true or just. And it would do it by: Distorting the truth, encourage division, Promote instant gratification, exploit technology, undermine integrity by rewarding dishonesty, convince people life is meaningless, make evil look normal. Doesn't this sound like our world now?

I know the devil is trying all of this with me. I mean, just with my mindless color by number app on my phone. I am distracted when I am on it and before you know it, it has been an hour. But I have to say my pictures do turn out really good! But it is an hour I can't get back, an hour that I could have been praying, reading the bible or spending with my family. The devil makes evil look normal, like in the movies and shows we watch. I loved the show Yellowstone and now when I think about it, the language and story line normalized a lot of things that I would never do. We get immune to what goes against our beliefs that it is just normal to us to see or hear it. (BTW, I only watched it because of Rip!)

So, Autumn, how do you get through this? Say his name. 

One time I was driving to work, and I don't know what came over me, but all of a sudden I started to have a panic attack. Anxiety just came over me and I don't know why. All I could do was just say the name of Jesus over and over. And you know what? My anxiety started to go away. Just saying the name of Jesus will drive away any evil or demons. 

Recite the bible. Whenever I am laying in bed and can't get to sleep or can't turn off my mind because of those crazy dreams or thoughts, I say a few verses. I have a few verses that I have memorized and recite. My go-to ones is Psalms 23, Isaiah 40:25-31; or everyone's favorite that works every time is John 3:16.   I wish I knew more, and that is something that I need to work on. I guess I could do that instead of coloring!

So when you feel that anxiety creeping on you, say his name, recite his promises. And that fear, anxiety, HE will take it away.

Psalm 23:4 NIV; "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Love to all,