October is a hard month for some. It is breast cancer awareness month. It brings up a lot of memories for some of us and is a reminder, not that we already have them on our body, of what we went through. It doesn't matter how long ago your cancer was, it still stings. And it may not be you that had the cancer, but you went through it with your wife, mom, friend and your hardship and memories of it is just as important and hard to manage at times. I get it.
For me and my experience, I go through some times where I am good and say "I am a survivor" then other times it's like, I am so sick of the reminders of this VERY hard time in my life. The reminders are all the time: mammograms, doctor visits where you have to give your history over and over, OCTOBER and the "pink" everywhere, and the "squeeze your boobs" reminders!
Yes I am a survivor, and being that survivor comes at a cost. I started my cancer journey June 2012, ended my treatments chemo, radiation and monoclonal antibody therapy July 2013, and then started tamoxifen and Letrozole therapy for 8 years. The cost of cancer for me was the mutilation of my body with lopsided boobs from surgery and radiation (which really suck!!), the hair loss, PTSD fear of cancer of it returning every time I go for a test or feel something on my body, and weight gain that has taken all this time to lose.
2012 Sept 2025
BUT...there is always a but. You know me....I have to not concentrate on those negatives and find what I can to make it through this thing called life! What I did gain was: FIRST- a closer relationship and understanding of Jesus. I learned to value life each day, even though I sometimes take it for granted. But then I get a kick in the butt and realize I only have one life to live. I also got the luxury of not having a lot of hair growth on my legs! It has taken a while, but it is slowly growing back, but just around my ankles after 13 yrs! Go figure. My hair has come back more curly than ever, since I am growing it out. It looks like when I use to perm it back in the 80's! Also, through my experience, I can help others that are experiencing this. It helped me through my sickness to know that someone was there to walk me through it, and let me know how to navigate it and get through it.
All that aside, I don't know why I went through this trial in 2012 and why my body got cancer, but I am going to use it for good, even though the world or the devil wants to use it for bad. I will not let it get me down and on those days I start to feel the weight of it (or the month of October), I will remind myself of all the good that came from this experience. And I might even go and get me some new boobs at some point so they won't be lopsided anymore!
If you are going through something like this, stay strong! You can do more than what your mind thinks. Your mind succomes to what your body is feeling, but you must push through! We all are survivors of something! If you are that caregiver or supporter, be strong for them. Give them encouragement...daily. Trust me, it helps. Small notes of encouragement, send texts just to say I love you, tell her she is beautiful (even without hair) or just something silly. Or just be presence. Go with them on their treatments.
You are blessed because you woke up this morning. You can feel the breath in your lungs, and if you are like me, you can feel the soreness in your body trying to get out of bed! But I am thankful because that is from my exercise and being able to still do it! And you are blessed because Jesus loves you!
Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds"
Psalm 30:2 "Lord my God, I called to You for help, and You healed me"
Love to all,
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